Elephants
by feltknickers
Summary: "Can we be elephants, Maur?" Jane saw Maura's eyes soften and a tiny smile creep onto her lips. "Please, Maura? I can't do it alone. I can't do it without you. And I don't want to… I just… I can't do it alone."
1. Chapter 1

Jane had been quiet for a long time. These days, it wasn't unusual for her to just sit there with her mind apparently wandering, while Maura went about her autopsies. Maura assumed she was thinking about Casey and the way she said goodbye to him.

He had undergone his risky surgery, recovered without complications, and finally deemed himself fit for Jane. They attempted a relationship, but after only two months they split. It was amicable; they had really been better friends than lovers. That was over a month ago, and Jane was still not back to her usual self.

Maura supposed it was the lovers part that kept Jane's mind wandering. Jane didn't talk about sex with Maura, but Maura had learned to translate the euphemisms and facial expressions. She could tell when Jane was unsatisfied, and it pained Maura to know she couldn't do anything to help. Or… well… she hadn't been invited to help. And Jane didn't seem to appreciate her subtle offers of assistance. All humility aside, Maura considered herself to be a better lover to Jane than Casey had ever been. She appreciated the value of a holistic approach, loving the whole person. If only Jane would give her the chance to try.

One way or another, here Jane was, on a mental walkabout while her body showed all the symptoms of exhaustion. Perhaps her thoughts had been keeping her up at night as well. Her shoulders slumped, head propped up with elbows resting on the unused slab.

Maura didn't mind the quiet. Jane's silence was preferable to blaring solitude any day. Just as Maura finished closing the Y incision and was about to suggest Jane use her office sofa for a short nap, Jane spoke.

"Do you still want to have a baby?"

Maura considered the question at face value, refusing to jump to conclusions. "Someday, yes."

"But not now?"

"I'd prefer to have a partner in parenting. You know I didn't have an ideal childhood. And while I'm sure I could learn quite a bit from research, I would feel much more secure if someone else were there for support."

"What if the right guy doesn't come along in time? What would you do? You said you were going to freeze your eggs. Did you do that?"

"No, I decided against it. I decided that were I to feel confident enough to raise a child on my own, and I hadn't found a partner, I would adopt."

"You don't really seem to be looking for a baby daddy."

"No."

Jane was quiet while Maura covered the body and cleaned up her work space. Jane's head dropped, her eyes watching the fingers of her left hand trace the veins and ligaments in her right.

"Casey would have been a good baby daddy." She was quiet, almost whispering.

Maura's tone followed suit. "Do you miss him, Jane?"

"No." She shrugged.

After a beat, "Do you have something to tell him?"

Jane looked up at Maura, trying to decide what she knew, but all she saw was hazel orbs of sympathy. She knew everything. "Yeah."

"What can I do, Jane?"

Maura kept saying her name, Jane, _Jane_, **_Jane_**, like there was someone else she could be talking to, someone else sitting here, making a decision that would affect the rest of her life. Making a request that would affect the rest of both their lives. She kept saying it and it sounded like her mother telling her to clean her room when she was 8. It sounded like Sister Mary Catherine asking for her math homework in the 10th grade. It sounded like her sergeant at the academy presenting her badge for the first time. It sounded like Maura was saying, _Jane, you're Jane, you'll always be Jane, no matter what happens next._

"Can we be elephants, Maur?"

Maura just stared at her, puzzled, waiting for elaboration, until she made the connection.

_Elephants_.

_Baby elephants are raised by the female elephants in the herd._

Jane saw Maura's eyes soften and a tiny smile creep onto her lips. "Please, Maura? I can't do it alone. I can't do it without you. And I don't want to… I just… I can't do it alone."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I guess I'm continuing this, at least for as long as it keeps diverting my brain from its proper functions. I can't promise updates, a compelling plot, or anything like that. But I can tell you that 1) Rizzles is inevitable in my mind, so although I don't know how or when it will happen, it probably will. 2) I have no interest in Casey. He appears in this chapter, and makes Maura worry, but that doesn't mean you should. He's dead weight as far as I'm concerned._

* * *

"It's not unusual to experience fatigue during the first trimester." Maura shut the light in her office, then closed the venetian blinds for privacy. "That's a result of increased progesterone, and it should subside, along with morning sickness, by the start of the second trimester. Have you experienced nausea?"

Getting no answer, Maura turned to see that Jane had fallen asleep almost as soon as her head hit the throw pillow on Maura's office sofa. Her left arm dangled off the side, knuckles resting on the floor. Maura draped a decorative throw over Jane and figuratively patted herself on the back for a correct diagnosis. It's not every day she gets to practice medicine on living patients; episodes like this help keep her sharp.

Of course Maura had said yes, on two conditions. First, that Jane would allow Maura to take care of her. Jane had a tendency to put her loved ones first, and her work second, leaving her own health and safety at a distant third. If Maura was going to care for this baby, she would need to care for its mother as well. At least, that's how she sold it to Jane. She neglected to delineate all that this entailed, from moving Jane into her house, making sure she ate enough fruits and vegetables, and taking her to doctor's appointments, among other things. Jane would surely resist some of that, but the baby was Maura's legitimate 'ace in the sleeve' (was that the right figure of speech, she wondered?) that she could use to win these sorts of arguments, when they came along.

Second, that Maura would have legal rights to the child, that she would be the baby's (other) mother and be able to make decisions in case of emergency. And past experience had shown that Maura and Jane had more than their fair share of emergencies. Jane agreed to this immediately. She obviously trusted Maura and knew that Maura would always act in the child's best interests. Jane's worst fear was that something would happen to her, and the baby would get lost in a custody battle between her family and Casey. If Jane and Maura shared custody, Jane could be sure that her baby would have a stable and loving home, even if she weren't there to provide it.

Maura was anxious to get started on this new project. Sitting at her computer, she began a list.

- Prenatal vitamins (folic acid)

- Make OB appointment

- Find out how far along we are

(Maura smiled at her unconscious use of 'we'; already this felt _right_.)

- Call Harold [Maura's lawyer] about custody

(Maura paused before writing the next item.)

- Tell Casey

Suddenly the blood drained from Maura's face. Of course they had to tell Casey. _Jane_ had to tell Casey. How would he respond? Biologically, this was _his_ child, not Maura's. What if he wanted to parent it? What if he wanted to get back together with Jane?

Maura shook her head, admonishing herself for all the 'what ifs' that raced through her mind. It's not prudent to make assumptions. Jane would need to tell Casey and solicit his reaction. Once they knew his intentions, they could design the proper protocol to create a happy and healthy family… of metaphorical elephants. Maura glanced at Jane, lightly snoring, and smiled.

* * *

Maura tried not to worry, eight days later, when Jane's dinner with Casey went late. She planted herself on the sofa and opened up 'What to Expect When You're Expecting,' but her mind kept wandering to what might be going on at the Dirty Robber. It was a welcome relief when Jane let herself in the front door, tossed her keys in a decorative receptacle placed in the entryway for precisely that purpose, and lay down, feet in Maura's lap.

Their routine had developed over the last week. Maura would cook a healthy dinner for them both. Jane would grumble about greens, but eat it anyway. After dinner, they would relax on the sofa. A little wiggle of Jane's toes served as a tacit request for a foot rub, and Maura would happily oblige. Jane was getting better at asking for these comforts, and at receiving them without feelings of embarrassment or indebtedness.

It usually didn't take long for Jane to fall asleep, and Maura hated to wake her. Instead, she made a habit of curling up with her on the sofa, their heads at opposite ends, sharing a blanket. It was somewhat uncomfortable for both, yes, but even when one woman woke in the night, a knee in her back or needing to straighten a leg without kicking the other in the face, neither preferred to retreat to the solitude of a bedroom._ As long as she's here, this is where I'll stay_.

Tonight was only a slight hiccup in their routine, while Jane had the dreaded _talk _with Casey. But now she was home and their routine could resume. Maura removed Jane's boots and began ministrations on the aching flexor hallucis longus. She waited impatiently for her debriefing.

Jane just sighed, frowned, shook her head slightly, and looked toward the ceiling, as if answers lay there. "At first he said he should 'do the right thing,'" she said derisively. "Marry me." Maura said nothing, just looked warily out the corner of her eye. "Like I'm some sort of punishment. I told him I didn't want that; we broke up for a reason. That I don't want anything from him, but I thought he should know."

She swallowed away the possibility of tears. "He didn't even seem interested in the baby. He said he never wanted to be a father. He thought I was the same way. He actually got angry at me, like I was _trying_ to get pregnant, to trap him or something. I kept telling him I didn't want anything from him, but he wouldn't listen."

Maura moved on to the anterior and posterior tibial muscles in the ankle, her thumbs digging into inflamed muscle tissue with what she hoped was just the right amount of pressure.

Jane sighed, remembering what happened next. "I puked. I made it to the restroom in time, but my quick exit shut him up." She chuckled. "When I came back to the table, I told him I would send him papers he could sign to give up custody. And all responsibility. He said he'd do it."

Maura's hands rested a moment, one thumb nestled in the curl of Jane's toes. "I'm sorry, Jane."

"Why? It's what we wanted, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry things didn't work out between you. I know you had feelings for him." Her thumbs pressed gently but decisively into the plantar interosseus muscles on the sole of Jane's foot. This was a rare ticklish spot on Jane.

"Yeah." When Maura didn't say anything, Jane tried to explain. "I think I just didn't know him very well. I mean, I remembered what he was like in high school, but people change. And while he was away I imagined he was a better man than he really is. I think the military changed him. He's hard. Rigid. I don't want a man in my life who thinks he can order me around. That's bullshit." Jane adjusted the pillow under her head and switched the crossing of her feet, signaling that she was done thinking about Casey.

Maura took the hint and reached to the floor, picking up a shopping bag and handing it to Jane. "I have some things for you." She was diligent in attending to the other foot while Jane unpacked the bag.

Jane pulled out a toothbrush, dental floss, mouthwash, and a little elastic contraption with a button. One eyebrow raised. "Gee, Maur, how romantic. This is just what I've always wanted."

Maura smiled wryly at the obvious sarcasm. "You're more prone to gingivitis during pregnancy, so it's important to keep up with proper dental care. And _that _is a waistband extender for your pants. It's discreet enough to hide under your belt, and having a little extra room may help with the nausea." Maura smiled grandly. She was so proud of herself for being able to help like this.

Jane laughed at seeing Maura so pleased with herself, and started to get up. "Thanks, Maur. I think I'll go brush my teeth right now!" Feigned enthusiasm, of course. She paused in the doorway, trying to think of how to phrase one last request.

"Maura?" The blonde turned around on the couch to see Jane's uncertain pause. She smiled warmly, trying to communicate that Jane needn't worry about asking too much. "Your couch is plenty comfortable and all, but… a bed might be better for my back…"

Maura tried (and failed) to cover her disappointment by standing and smoothing out her dress. "Oh, of course. I'll make sure the guest room is ready for you."

"Well, I guess that would be ok, but… I mean, I don't want to put you out…"

"It's no trouble, really."

"I was just…" Jane huffed a big breath, looked at her feet, and said what she really meant. "I thought we could both sleep in your room. If there's room." Eye contact now. "I like knowing you're there."

Maura's smile returned. "There's room."


	3. Chapter 3

Jane perked up at the 'click clack' sound of designer heels in the hallway outside Homicide. She had only been in the office a couple of hours, but the stack of cold case files on her desk was not enough to keep her attention. The constant munching of mixed nuts coming from Korsak's corner of the room didn't help. Jane and Frost were arguing with their eyes over who would try to get Korsak to at least chew with his mouth closed when Maura appeared, saving the day.

Jane turned in time to revisit today's outfit (she had examined it once already that morning at Maura's house), an embroidered skirt, pink blouse, and some stylish kind of suit jacket. The outfit complimented Maura's hips, especially as she walked toward Jane, whose eyes gradually came to rest on a dazzling smile.

"Ready?"

Jane almost forgot why Maura had appeared; they were headed to their first prenatal doctor's appointment. "Oh, yeah, absolutely." She grabbed her blazer off the back of her chair and stood to put it on.

"You two got a lead on something?" Korsak shoved his nose in where it didn't belong.

"Takin' a long lunch, Korsak,"Jane snarked as she pulled her hair out from under the blazer. "We got lotsa girl talk to do, you wouldn't understand." She took Maura's hand and led her away before any hives could refute her claim.

"It was nice to see you, detectives!" Maura called over her shoulder.

* * *

"I'm a big girl, ya know, I could've gone to the doctor on my own." Jane clicked the lock button on Maura's key fob and looked both ways before guiding Maura across the street with a hand at the small of her back.

"I know, but I need to be there to gather whatever information the doctor has for us. This is my first time, too."

Jane really didn't mind Maura coming along, but she enjoyed the banter and felt the need to remind Maura that she wasn't completely helpless. She had already lost a good deal of her independence with this little arrangement they had, spending most (had it been all?) nights at Maura's and eating whatever was put in front of her without (much) complaint. She didn't want Maura to go mad with power. She had to draw the line somewhere, right? And she would, eventually. When she found something objectionable.

But it was kind of nice being taken care of by Maura. It wasn't like when her Ma did it, nagging and telling her what to do. When it was Angela, it made Jane feel like a kid getting a dirt smudge cleaned off her face with spit. With Maura, it was different. With Maura, it was like it was Jane's idea in the first place, to have oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast instead of Lucky Charms. Or whatever. Maura just had a way of _looking_ at Jane that tricked her into agreeing to whatever Maura wanted. Jane wondered how her best friend could be allergic to lying, and still be so sneaky. She stole a sideways look at Maura as she opened the door and ushered her through.

Maura just grinned back, like a kid in a candy store. It was also kind of nice not having to worry about the details of things like this. Maura had done the legwork of finding 'the best OB in Boston' and making the appointment. All Jane had to do was show up and follow that embroidered skirt up the stairs to the office on the second floor. Yep, Jane didn't mind following Maura anywhere.

Inside the office, Maura checked them in and filled out the forms to the best of her ability, consulting Jane only when needed. Jane just sat, foot tapping with nerves, flipping through a magazine she wasn't even looking at. Jane had always hated doctors, the way they poked and prodded, and asked all sorts of personal questions. She never went often enough to build a trusting relationship with any doctor, and in the last few years, she had gotten in the habit of consulting Maura for any medical need that came up. Jane hoped that having Maura in the room would ease some of the discomfort of being draped in paper with a stranger looking up her privates.

The inside door opened. "Jane?" She swallowed and looked at Maura. _Here we go_.

* * *

Dr. Filer was tall and thin, with a dark chocolate complexion and cheekbones like a supermodel. Maura liked her at once; Jane could tell by the way she leaned in when the doctor was speaking. They exchanged a few words; they had obviously spoken before, but never met in person, and Jane was a little P.O'd to find she had been left out up to this point.

"Hi, I'm Jane," she interrupted, shoving her hand toward the doctor for a handshake. "I'm the one with the fetus." She pointed to her belly and raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, it's still an embryo at this stage," Maura interjected. "It's not considered a fetus until about the 11th week of gestation."

Dr. Filer laughed and took her hand, "Of course, Jane. Let's get started." She skimmed the medical records in front of her.

"Yes, let's," Jane mocked and crossed her arms, eliciting a look of admonishment from Maura. She uncrossed her arms.

"Maura has told me that the two of you will be co-parenting, is that right?"

"Yes."

"Okay. As your doctor, I am obligated to keep your medical records and any test results between the two of us. Is it your wish to grant Maura access to this information as well, and to have her present for your examination today?"

Jane glanced at Maura, and smiled. "Yeah, of course."

Once Jane was the center of attention, she warmed to Dr. Filer. She was professional but friendly, and patiently answered Maura's many questions. She asked Jane a battery of questions about her medical history and her family history, and ordered a series of tests just to check that everything was ok.

Maura had somehow arranged to have Casey's medical file sent over to complete the baby's family history. Jane wondered if she had done anything illegal or unethical to get the file, but Maura just smiled and said, "It's important for the baby's health." Jane let it go. She didn't want to know.

Finally, Dr. Filer asked Jane to lay back for her pelvic exam and ultrasound. This was the worst. And, she realized, from where Maura was sitting, she would have a clear view up the runway. Gross.

"Maura, can you... NOT sit right there?"

"This is the only chair in the room."

"C'mon, Maur, work with me here." Jane was faced with a blank stare. "Alright, here's a new rule: when Dr. Filer is taking care of business on _that_ end," she waved her hands in the general vicinity below her waist, "_your_ job is to take care of business on _this_ end," pointing to her face.

Maura still looked confused.

Jane tried again. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."

"But Jane, there's no man-"

"Maura! Just, please, get up and come over here?" Finally, the woman did as requested.

Somehow, Dr. Filer kept a straight face through all of this. Jane didn't know what Maura had told her about their relationship. Did she think they were a couple? Or just a couple of weirdos? Either way, it didn't seem to matter to the doctor. She just went about her business of-Jane's thoughts were interrupted by discomfort in her nether regions. Her face and hands scrunched up tightly, waiting for it to be over.

Before it was, though, she felt the warmth of Maura's hand over her own. Jane took a big breath and let it out slowly as the pain subsided. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all. She slowly turned her hand over so she could clasp Maura's. Maura's thumb made the slightest movement over Jane's, a motion of comfort and reassurance that Jane often made toward Maura. It was peaceful and it drew Jane's eyes up to see the gentle smile on her best friend's face. It was like a magnet.

The only thing that could break the magnetic pull was the fuzzy pulse that came out of the fetal monitor. Jane's head snapped toward the speaker and her eyes grew wide as her grip on Maura's hand tightened. "What is that?!"

"That," said Dr. Filer, "is your baby's heartbeat." All the oxygen seemed to have left the room.

"It's really in there," Jane murmured, looking at her belly. She was reminded of that scene from Alien.

"You're about 9 weeks along." The doctor made a note in her chart, then shifted the doppler to get a clearer sound.

"Why is it going so fast? Is there something wrong?" Jane looked to Maura for assurance, but Dr. Filer answered first.

"That's normal. They have a fast metabolism at this stage. It has a lot of growing to do."

Jane listened a little while longer, then heard a sniffle from Maura. She was crying and smiling and looking incredibly goofy. Jane's thumb moved over Maura's fingers. And before she had to admit to feeling a little goofy herself, Jane brought their clasped hands to her face, pressing her lips to the back of Maura's hand.


	4. Chapter 4

Maura didn't really know what she was doing here so late at night. She sat at Jane's desk, trying not to snoop, but could find no better way to occupy her time while she waited in the empty Homicide office. She had already put the stray pens in the coffee mug where they belonged, and she had tossed some crumpled up post-it notes into the waste bin. Behind a small stack of folders, she found Jane's police bear, a little dusty, but still soft and cuddly. She placed the bear in her lap and squeezed it.

Earlier that day, Maura had found the last piece of evidence needed to connect their suspect to the murder. Arrest warrant granted, Jane, Frost, and Korsak sped away to bring the guy in. Maura finished out the work day by cataloguing the rest of the evidence and writing up her report. When Jane still hadn't returned by 6:30 pm, Maura had done the only thing she could think of. She went home.

Maura was used to being alone. At least, she had been until recently. The house had felt so empty when she got home. So much had changed over the last couple of weeks that she couldn't remember what she would do by herself in the evenings. Meditate? Read? She remembered the occasional visit from Angela, who seemed to be out tonight. She had eaten a quick dinner and turned on the tv, but without Jane next to her, none of the shows seemed the least bit interesting.

Even with the tv blaring, Maura's mind had wandered. Would Jane have gone back to her apartment after apprehending the criminal? Would she not have at least called to say the case had been wrapped up? Maybe Maura should call Jane to make sure everything had gone smoothly. Or would that be too needy? Maura had no frame of reference for this kind of thing. How much metaphorical space ought one give to her pregnant best-friend-slash-co-parent? It certainly wasn't a situation addressed in Emily Post's rules of etiquette.

A Pet Meds commercial had given Maura the solution. Joe Friday had been cooped up in Jane's apartment all day, and was probably desperate to be fed and walked. If Jane was already there, Maura would have an excuse—no, a _reason_—to stop by. And if not, she would simply be doing her friend a favor.

An hour later, Maura had let Joe take care of her business (the pup appeared to be in dire need of attention) and still hadn't heard from Jane. Worry had supplanted etiquette, and she decided to go back to the precinct. Jane would have to return to book the suspect at some point. So here she was in the Homicide office at 11 pm, waiting. With a police bear in her lap. She wiggled the computer mouse and saw nothing but work on the screen. She pulled up a new browser window and started shopping.

* * *

It was around 2 am when the detectives returned to their office, having spent several hours in interrogation, wringing a confession out of the suspect. Jane proudly led the group into the room, but suddenly held her arm out to stop and quiet the celebration. Maura's head was on Jane's desk, the bear still nestled in the crook of her arm. She was asleep.

No doubt this looked strange to Frost and Korsak. Maura generally went home when her work was done, and they were unaware that Jane had been sleeping over so much. Instead of explaining, she ushered them back into the hallway and asked for a little privacy to wake the doctor. They peered around the corner while Jane squatted next to her desk. She put one hand gently on Maura's knee and whispered, "Hey, Maur. Time to wake up."

Maura inhaled deeply and audibly as she lifted her head to the sound of Jane's voice. "Hmm?" Her eyes blinked open to find the detective smiling up at her as if she'd done something silly. She yawned. "What happened?" She stretched. "What time is it?"

"It's after two, Maura. What are you doing here?"

Maura put the bear back on the desk, accidentally bumping the computer mouse to reveal exactly what she had been doing. She said nothing, just looked embarrassed.

"That one is really cute," Jane said, pointing at a onesie with some chemical symbols on it, spelling out 'baby.' She hoped the guys couldn't see what she was referring to.

Maura smiled. "I ordered one of those. And one of these, as well." This one said 'baby genius' in chemical symbols.

"I'm counting on you to make that happen, ya know."

"I know."

Jane looked over her shoulder to see Frost and Korsak duck their heads back into the hallway. Still squatting, she faced Maura again and took her hand. "Were you worried?"

"I thought you might—" Maura cut herself off before finishing the thought. Instead, "Did you have dinner? You must be hungry." She closed the browser window, away from the prying eyes that currently lingered in the hallway.

"I ate. I'm fine, Maur. Stop deflecting. You thought I might what?"

"Forget." _To come home. About me. That I love you._ "To eat."

Jane stood. "Well I'm sure it wasn't the healthiest thing, but I got a snack from the machine." She fingered the bear's ear. "I'm awfully tired though. It's been a long night. You ready to go home?"

Maura nodded and took the hand Jane offered. Korsak and Frost just nodded their confused 'goodnights' as they passed.

* * *

They took Maura's car, leaving Jane's in the station lot. The drive to Maura's house was quiet. Maura thought she had overstepped a boundary, waiting up for Jane like that. She didn't want to upset her friend further by trying to explain why she had done it. But Jane wasn't upset at all. She knew Maura cared and she hated to see her friend worry, especially about her.

Jane pulled into the driveway and shut the engine. "Should I have called?"

Maura looked up from her fingers, twisting that ring. "What? No, no, I—"

"I don't want you to worry. Next time I'm coming home late, I'll call."

_Home_. "I fed and walked Joe." Her gaze shifted out the window. "Earlier. I thought you might have gone to your apartment after work."

This didn't make sense to Jane. If Jane had been there, she would have taken care of Joe herself. Maura wouldn't have needed to do it. But all she said was, "Thanks."

"She seemed lonely."

Finally the pieces came together. Jane really was a good detective. She smiled to herself. "Maybe I should bring her over here. And some clothes and things. Move in proper."

"_Properly_."

"That's what I said, _properly_."

"No you didn't, you said, _proper_."

"Can I move in with you, Maura?"

_May I._ "Yes."


	5. Chapter 5

**Monday, 7:48 pm. Homicide bullpen.**

Frost tapped the pen on his desk, beating out a random rhythm in the empty bullpen. He had nowhere to be, no reason to go home. Even Korsak had punched out already; had to feed his menagerie. So Frost was here with his computer. Doing nothing useful. Maybe he should go out for a drink. Try to meet a nice girl.

Who was he kidding? Nice girls don't hang out at bars on Mondays. But he was never going to meet a girl if he stayed at the precinct all night. Korsak was proof enough of that. Oh, man, Frost didn't want to end up like Korsak, with his three ex-wives and his 20 cats and 15 dogs and who knows what else to keep him company. Or like Jane, working day and night, putting her life on the line on a daily basis, and for what? A little medal of honor that she didn't even want? Maybe she gets a promotion, more money, which she won't even spend on herself.

Jane seemed to be happy, though. Especially lately. She wasn't exactly bubbly, but she was definitely less moody than she had been when Casey had been around. Frost knew from the beginning that the guy wasn't right for her. He couldn't put his finger on the problem, but there was something wrong with that whole situation.

These days, though, she walked around like she didn't have a care in the world. Somebody—must have been her mom—had started packing her healthy lunches, things like carrots and tuna salad and sandwiches on whole wheat bread. Stuff Jane would have complained about a couple months ago, but these days she'd look at that plate full of vegetables like it had just told her it loved her.

The more Frost thought about it, the more he thought something was different about Jane, even compared to before Casey. And then he remembered that night last week, when she was all, 'I need a couple minutes alone with Maura,' and what was that about, anyway? What was so urgent that the Doc was waiting here to talk to Jane so late at night?

Well, there was one lead in this 'case' that he hadn't investigated. He had convinced Korsak that night that they should mind their own business and Jane would tell them whatever information they needed, when they needed it. But she hadn't volunteered anything, and now that he was alone with his wandering thoughts, Frost was beginning to worry. He could put any worries to rest, he rationalized, by finding whatever was on that computer screen when they were talking.

Looking around the room once again to confirm he was alone, Frost scooted over to Jane's desk and woke the computer. His first move in searching someone's computer was always to go through their default browser's history. People tend to spend most of their time on the internet, and he could get a good idea of someone's train of thought from this one avenue of investigation. Jane's browser history from the night in question—shopping for baby clothes too small to be for TJ—led Frost to a clear conclusion.

He whispered it to himself, slack-jawed, "The Doc is pregnant."

* * *

**Tuesday, 6:34 am. Maura's kitchen.**

Angela had always loved cooking breakfast. It was where she shined as a mother. Like most mothers, she knew that breakfast was the most important meal of the day; if she could get her husband and children off to a good start in the morning, they would be happy and ready to face whatever challenges might come along. To Angela, cooking someone breakfast was like telling them 'I love you.' So even as her children grew older and moved out, she continued to dote. She wasn't too shy to let herself into their homes before they woke and give them her morning 'I love you' to help them start the day.

Of course, the last time Angela had come to cook breakfast at Jane's place, she found the apartment empty. It was a mess, but nobody was there, except for Joe Friday and a pile of dirty laundry. Since then Angela noticed that Jane had been spending a lot of nights at Maura's. She knew Jane must be hurting from her recent breakup with Casey, but as far as Angela was concerned, it was good riddance to him. On first glance, the young man was handsome and kind, and Jane had wanted so much for their relationship to work. But after a while it seemed like Jane was the only one making an effort in their relationship. She had compromised so much of that spunk and attitude that Angela secretly loved about her daughter. So good riddance, Angela thought. It was good to have her Jane back, or at least on the way to being herself again. And if Janie needed some quality time with her best friend to heal that wound, Angela wasn't going to judge.

No, Angela wasn't that kind of mother. She prided herself on loving her children for who they were, even if they insisted on making her worry by putting themselves into danger every day. But Angela wouldn't complain, no. Sure, she would _suggest_ once in a while that they _might_ want to start thinking about their futures, having a family. But that wasn't being pushy. That was looking out for your children, making sure they're taken care of once you're gone.

For now, Angela was happy to do her motherly duties, starting with a hearty 'I love you' breakfast, complete with bacon, scrambled eggs, and bunny pancakes. She was just pouring the bunny ears when she heard her girls coming downstairs.

"I'm gonna need some new clothes soon, Maura. I'm gettin' fat."

Angela could hear Maura chuckle, "You're not _fat_, Jane, you're—" Jane had stopped so abruptly in the kitchen doorway that Maura ran right into her backside. "Just right," she finished, awkwardly. Trying to recover, she added, "Good morning, Angela. Breakfast smells wonderful."

Jane tried to mask her surprise by kissing Angela on the cheek, then started loading up her plate. "Morning, Ma."

Now that Jane had mentioned it, Angela did see a little paunch on her daughter's otherwise thin frame. "Good morning, girls. Maybe lay off the bacon today, Janie."

* * *

**Wednesday, 10:22 am. Officer's lounge.**

Somebody had left a plate of brownies in the break room, and Frankie wasn't too shy to partake. After shoving one small square in his mouth, he picked up a paper napkin and grabbed two more for the road. He'd made a pit stop and filled up on coffee, and now he had just eight minutes left before he had to be back on patrol.

At least he was on the day shift this week. Night shifts were bad news. When Frankie was younger he could stay up all night long, no problem. But these days, unless there was something exciting going on to keep his energy up, he was afraid he'd just fall asleep in the passenger seat of the cruiser. What made it worse was that he was living all the way out in Quincy, just because the rent was cheaper there. But the commute was hardly worth it.

Frankie popped the entirety of the second brownie into his mouth and ambled over to the bulletin board. People sometimes put announcements and flyers up there, and sure enough, there was an ad for an apartment sublet. Sounded good, too: a one-bedroom on the second floor of a brownstone right in Jane's neighborhood. They could carpool! The price wasn't bad, either. He folded the last brownie into the paper napkin and slipped it into his shirt pocket for later. Then he tore off the phone number for the sublet.

"Way a minnid," he mumbled, his mouth still full of chocolatey goodness. Frankie looked at the phone number again. He did a double-take on the address. "Das Jane's apardmen!"

Frankie yanked the whole flyer off the board, accidentally letting the pin drop and roll across the floor. "Shht." He had to get down on hands and knees to find the thing, and when he finally did, he realized he wouldn't have time to go upstairs to confront Jane. But he _did_ plan to confront her. She should know better than to hide something like this. If she was so strapped for cash that she had to sublet her apartment, she should have said something. Frankie didn't have a lot of savings, but he had some. He could have helped. They could figure something out.

Standing again, Frankie swallowed and licked his lips. He stuck the pin back into the bulletin board and folded the flyer (now smudged with chocolate) into uneven quarters. He went to tuck it into his shirt pocket and found that last brownie. _Hmm. Better save that for later._ He picked one more off the plate and ate it on his way back outside.

* * *

**Thursday, 2:12 pm. Medical Examiner's forensic laboratory.**

Susie Chang loved her job. She loved science. She loved the attention to detail it required, and she especially loved the routine. Science in general, and forensics in particular, meant doing the same thing repeatedly, trying to be as consistent as possible in one's protocol, to ensure that the result of an experiment is not skewed by human error. She enjoyed baking for the same reason: if you can be consistent in sticking to your recipe, you get perfect brownies every time. And if there was one thing Susie was good at, it was consistency. She always arrived at the BPD fifteen minutes early to give herself time to plan which tests she would run when. This planning was a delicate exercise: she had to consider not only the time needed for each test, but also the availability of equipment, and especially the urgency with which the results were needed.

This morning, as she often did, she started with the DNA test because that protocol meant 35 minutes of work in the sterile hood, then a three-hour PCR run, during which she could work on other things. Next came 20 minutes of bench work to set up the agarose gel that would need to run for two hours. During the waiting periods, she conducted various toxicology screens, ran her samples of trace evidence through the mass-spec, ate a quick lunch, and summarized her results.

Susie took great pride in her reports; they were her contribution to solving a murder, her way of making the world a better place. She always presented her results with the utmost professionalism: her reports used a standard, easily readable format and font. Dr. Isles would need to access the information as quickly and easily as possible in order to decide what steps would be taken next.

Susie had learned this approach from her boss. Dr. Isles was an excellent teacher: kind and approachable. Despite the urgency of their work, she would always explain what she was doing and why. And most of the time, she wouldn't bring her personal life into the office. At least, she didn't _discuss_ her personal life with Susie. But Susie wasn't blind. She saw the way Dr. Isles smiled when Detective Rizzoli walked into the morgue. She didn't smile like that for any of the other detectives. And none of the other detectives visited nearly as often.

Susie was a professional, though, and she would never say anything to imply she knew what was going on between them. They were obviously trying to keep their relationship a secret, and Susie just happened to be in the right place at the right time. At several of the right times. But it wasn't her place to comment. She simply straightened her lab coat, picked up her report from the lab printer and tucked it into a manila folder, and mentally prepared herself to interrupt whatever was going on in the M.E.'s office.

As expected, Detective Rizzoli was there, sitting with her arms splayed along the back of the sofa. Her back was to the door and she couldn't see Susie approach. The detective spoke to what looked like an empty room, "Anything?"

Dr. Isles suddenly appeared on the sofa, lifting her head from... Detective Rizzoli's lap? "No. It's too early, anyway. Maybe if I used my stethoscope..."

Susie cleared her throat and announced her presence, "Dr. Isles, the test results are in."

* * *

**Friday, 4:28 pm. Interrogation.**

Detective Korsak watched Frost lean back in his chair and cross his arms, looking down his nose at their suspect. He had just finished his 'good cop' schtick, and it was now Jane's turn to play 'bad cop.' It was an act she had perfected over the last few years and he was proud of her for it. Jane had always been tough, but since Hoyt she had become more confident, more sure of herself. She had gotten better at grilling a suspect, making him believe he had no hope of escape, and getting the confession.

Jane leaned forward toward the suspect, but looked back over her shoulder at Frost. She was ready. Korsak could see it in her eyes. And he knew what would come next. He'd seen it a hundred times. He grinned, knowing the perp couldn't see him through the glass. This guy was going down.

Jane stood up nice and calm, and walked over to the one-way mirror. She paused there, looking like she could see through it to where Korsak and Cavanaugh were watching. Her eyes smirked at them. One hand went up to the wall above her head and she leaned against it. The other hand went to her protruding hip, brushing her jacket out of the way to expose her weapon. She sighed and shook her head in disgust. The suspect started to breathe harder. His eyes were on that piece. It was working.

When she finally spoke, her voice was low, quiet. "I'm gettin' real tired of your shit, Simmons." She turned around slowly and, both hands on her hips now, she sauntered to his side of the table and stopped directly in front of him, forcing him to look up at her. "I got a dead guy downstairs and I know you put him there. It's just a matter of time before my M.E. can prove it."

The guy was visibly shaking now. He swallowed and broke eye contact, looking instead at her gun. That wasn't gonna help him out, for sure.

"But ya know what, Simmons?" Her voice grew louder and dripped with malice. "I don't give a flying fuck about that dead guy. Justice?" Her hand flew through the air like she was swatting a fly, "Pffft."

The suspect's eyebrows crinkled and he looked down in confusion. She paused a second more, glancing up at the glass. _Here it comes._

Jane's fist pounded the table, rattling the soda can and making the guy practically jump out of his seat. She had his attention now. "It's _you_ I'm after," she growled, bending over to look him right in the eye and baring her teeth like a pitbull.

After several seconds, the guy blinked and shrunk down in his chair.

"Why don't you take a break, Rizzoli, while I chat with Simmons," Frost spoke his line like a pro.

She snarled at him once more, then stood up straight. That was when Korsak noticed her pause. It was almost nothing; she covered it well. But there was a tiny wobble, like she had lost her balance, before she left the room, slamming the door for emphasis.

Frost would close for sure, and Korsak left Cavanaugh to watch. He found Jane in the hallway, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed.

"Nice job in there, Rizzoli. Lemme buy you a drink."

"Uh, no thanks, I-"

"At the machine. Whadda ya want, a Coke? Orange juice?"

"Yeah, juice is good."

He handed her the bottle and watched her take a sip. When she seemed to have regained her composure, he patted her on the back. "Take it easy this weekend, Jane. You deserve it." Then he walked away, muttering under his breath, "I hope it's not the flu."

* * *

**Saturday, 7:35 pm. The Dirty Robber.**

It had been a good week for Giovanni. He'd had time to put new custom rims on Giulietta, he'd had a bangin' date with the hot chick, Sophia, from the pizza shop on Boylston, and the Red Sox had beaten the Yankees twice. He'd come to The Robber to watch the third game of the series, but just as Pedroia was going up to bat, Giovanni noticed his two favorite lady-lovin'-ladies walk in and slide into a booth.

Giovanni was happy for them, for two hot-looking ladies to be so happy together, but he still sometimes thought about what they must be like when they were alone. There would always be a little part of him that hoped to see that someday. It was probably double hot. He took a sip of his beer while he thought about that image for a moment.

Pedroia grounded to second. Next time Giovanni looked over at the ladies, Maura had moved next to Jane, and she had her hand on Jane's lower back, under her jacket. Jane was squirming around like a dog getting scratched behind his ears. Giovanni wondered if Sophia would ever do that for him.

Next up, Ortiz hit a fly ball into left field, caught by Wells, making the third out and ending the first inning. It seemed like a good time to say hello. Giovanni brought his beer and sat, uninvited, across from the ladies, who both seemed surprised to see him. "Jane, lookin' hawt," he lifted his beer bottle in greeting, "ah yah boobs biggah?" Giovanni knew women liked it when he noticed positive changes in their appearance.

"G." Jane motioned toward Maura, "C'mon."

"Oh, sorry, Maura. You look hawt too."

"Thank you, Giovanni. And yes, they are."

Jane looked at Maura funny, and Maura shrugged, "What? I've noticed."

"That must be nice for you, eh, Maura?" He smiled and raised his eyebrows, looking for agreement. Maura smiled and nodded. Jane kind of shrunk back in her seat, put her hand to her forehead, and rounded her shoulders.

When Maura saw this, she wrapped her arms around Jane, kissed her on the cheek, and said, 'There's no reason to be shy, sweetheart, I love your breasts." Giovanni thought that was sweet. Jane turned bright red. Both ladies kind of giggled until the waitress interrupted them to take their drink orders. Maura ordered a white wine. Giovanni watched what happened next like it was a tennis match.

Jane ordered a Coke.

Maura made a noise and scrunched up her face. "Caffeine."

Jane made a disappointed 'tsk' sound.

Maura looked up at her. "Have milk instead. You need protein."

Jane made a face and suggested, "Milk_shake_?"

Maura seemed to approve of that, so Jane ordered a chocolate milkshake.

When the waitress had gone, Giovanni leaned back in the booth and smiled at his luck to be sitting here with two lovely ladies in front of him. The more he looked, he thought something was changed. "Seriously, Jane, I dunno what you done diffrent, but it's workin'. Eh, Maura?"

"Yes, one might say she's 'glowing.'" There was a scuffle under the table and they both giggled again. There was obviously something funny going on between them, but he wasn't sure what. He looked between them once more, soaking in their happiness, then excused himself, leaving them to be alone with each other.

* * *

**Sunday, 6:19 pm. Maura's driveway.**

A stack of diapers, butt wipes, butt _cream_, two pacifiers, three changes of clothes, baby formula _and_ two frozen containers of boob milk, teething rings, Ellie the elephant, and a blanket. Tommy was pretty sure he had everything, and he was only twenty minutes late for Sunday dinner. Sometimes, these days, it seemed like Tommy's whole life revolved around this surprise baby. Everything took longer when he had TJ, and he was always weighed down with piles of baby stuff. Plus the baby! And there was always some new thing he needed. He had finally started to get the hang of the clasps on the car seat when TJ outgrew it and needed a toddler seat. So here he was, struggling with the new toddler seat buckles, while TJ waved his chubby little baby arms around in Tommy's face, making those cute gurgly baby noises and talking words in some baby language that Tommy didn't understand.

He wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Sometimes it scared him how much he loved TJ. How he'd rather play paddy-cake than go out for a beer or watch the game. But you really couldn't blame him; the kid was fun. And the kid was always so happy to see him. He didn't know how much of a screw-up Tommy had always been. He wasn't embarrassed to be Tommy's kid. It was like getting a second chance at being the good guy. Tommy was determined not to mess up this time.

Finally the seat buckles gave way and Tommy lifted TJ onto his hip, then hefted the ginormous baby supply bag onto the opposite shoulder. He closed the car door with his butt and headed up the driveway, where his ma had just opened the door, yelling something about him being late and depriving her of quality time with her grandson.

Better start off on the right foot, "Sorry, Ma." She seemed to forgive him immediately, and took the baby from him, cooing and making faces.

Inside, Tommy felt right at home, his ma's cooking flavoring the air, Frankie handing him a cold one, and Maura saying a quiet greeting and relieving him of the baby bag. Detectives Frost and Korsak were there too, saying how good the food smelled. Tommy relaxed onto the couch and just watched as everyone seemed to start talking at once.

Jane came into the kitchen in jeans, a tank top, and socks, like she lived there and had just woken up from a nap. Tommy didn't usually notice his sister's boobs, but they were kinda out there today. When Maura saw Jane, she smiled big and went over to whisper something. They sure did stand close together.

Jane took TJ from Ma and brought him over to the sofa, but she was walking funny, holding the baby with her left arm and supporting her back with her right hand, like it ached. Maybe it was just the way she was standing, but it looked like she was getting a pot belly. She sat TJ down facing her on her lap while she blew out her cheeks and crossed her eyes. TJ loved stuff like that. And he was in a good mood today because he had taken a long nap. (Tommy was proud of himself for knowing how important naps are to babies.)

Jane leaned in closer and gave TJ a raspberry on his round belly. He giggled and squirmed and reached his fingers toward her, asking for another. Tommy watched as they repeated this a couple times. Each time TJ got more and more excited, until he was so wiggly he was almost kicking her and she kind of freaked out. She picked him up and held him far enough away while he kicked that all he got was air.

"Whoa there, buddy! Settle down." He was still happy, but a little calmer when she sat him back down, this time sitting sideways across her lap. She leaned in and spoke quietly to the baby, probably thinking Tommy couldn't hear or wasn't paying attention. "Gotta be gentle with my tummy, ok, T'j?" She pressed his tiny hand to her belly button. "I got something special in there."

Tommy's eyebrows wrinkled for a moment before it hit him. But when it did, he was so floored, he couldn't help but ask, "Janie, are you pregnant?"

The room was suddenly quiet, except for TJ's babble. Jane looked around at her family like she was trying to figure out if she could deny it, then looked at Maura, who everyone knew couldn't lie. All she did was smile sheepishly. Everyone crowded around and TJ thought he was the center of attention, and they were asking her all sorts of questions, and Maura was just standing in the background holding a hand towel and grinning. Everyone was talking at once, but Tommy got the gist of it: the baby had been Casey's, but now it was Maura's, and they weren't lesbians but they were going to both be moms. It didn't seem that complicated.

* * *

**A/N:** _I want to interject here to thank you all for the lovely reviews. I'm thrilled that you've enjoyed this so far and I plan to keep going as long as I have ideas. Again, I don't have a concept for a whole story arc besides, y'know, pregnancy. If you have ideas or things you'd like to see, hit me up and I'll see what I can do. (And don't say 'Rizzles' because it'll probably happen, but I'm not going to force it. Give it time.)_

_This chapter was tough because of the length/format and also because I tried to present so many different perspectives. I probably won't do that often. Maura and Jane are my sweethearts, and they'll stay the focus of this fic. I hope you got enough of them through the eyes of others to make at least a little squee._


	6. Chapter 6

Jane closed the back door behind her mother, then turned around and leaned against it, looking at Maura with wide eyes. "So I guess we don't have to worry about breaking the news to anyone."

Maura smiled and hung the tea towel up to dry. "We wouldn't have been able to hide it much longer anyway." She gestured toward Jane's midsection. "Even a small amount of weight gain is apparent on your frame."

Jane looked down and gave a little rub to the bump that made her normally loose-fitting jeans snug. "I know this sounds weird," she admitted, "but I kind of like it." Maura gave her a questioning look so she tried to explain, "It seems like every day there's something changing. It's small, but I can feel it growing every day. It's getting stronger. I'm not so tired all the time. It feels good. It's like... it's marking time for me. I have something to look forward to every day. And all I have to do is carry it around with me." She looked toward Maura for confirmation. "Is that crazy?"

"It's beautiful."

They just looked at each other for a moment. Maura, in her designer dress and heels, looked to Jane like the epitome of femininity. She was capable and put-together. Every strand of hair perfectly in place, every piece of her life neatly managed. She was so strong and independent, and she didn't even seem to know it. Jane admired her for the way she approached every problem methodically and confidently, learning as much as she could so that she would be able to anticipate and take on any challenge. It was as if nobody had ever told her she wouldn't be able to do something. She just went ahead and did it.

In Maura's eyes, Jane was comfort personified. She was loose-fitting jeans and stocking-feet, a safe harbor in a storm, and a mother's hug. Maura knew Jane could be mean, even violent when she wanted to be. That only made her nurturing side even more captivating. Every gentle touch from Jane, every hug, meant the world to Maura because she knew they were given willingly, despite Jane's effort to appear tough and aloof to others.

Maura was tired, and one of those hugs would be the perfect ending to this long day. Their unexpected announcement and the excitement that followed, while welcome, had sapped her energy, leaving her without the stamina to explain what she'd read about pregnancy and the many changes it makes to a woman's body. She could Googlemouth another day. Right now she would be content to sit and let Jane steer their conversation. She wanted so much to request one of Jane's rarely-bestowed hugs, but it wouldn't be the same if she had to ask for it. Casual hugs weren't in their unwritten agreement, just comfort hugs and thank you hugs. So instead she smiled and made herself comfortable on the couch.

Jane could see the words left unspoken in Maura's smile. There was something on her mind but for whatever reason, she wouldn't say it. This was a game they played, each one taking turns being shy, not wanting to impose, while the other watched and listened for the meaning behind the silences, so she could give without needing to be asked. Jane joined her on the couch, tucking her feet underneath her and turning sideways so she could see all of Maura.

Jane took a guess at the other woman's thoughts. "It's not all hearts and flowers, you know." She paused, looking for a sign that she was on the right track. "There's the nausea, the constant back pain... and I'm going to get _really_ fat." She puffed out her cheeks and put her arms out like she was holding a beach ball. This earned a small laugh, but she could tell she was still missing something.

Jane took the thought a step further, "You could carry the next one, if you want."

Maura laughed bigger, surprised, and tilted her head, resting it on the back of the couch. Her fingers went to her lips and her eyes sparkled. "You're already planning for the next one?"

"Well, I didn't want you to be jealous."

"I _am_ a little jealous. You get to hold the baby all the time. I have to wait six more months."

"You wanna touch it?" Maura lifted her head. "C'mere." Jane placed Maura's hand on the small bump. "Feel it?"

Maura waited for something to happen. Jane's belly rose and fell as she breathed. "It just feels like... you had a big dinner."

"Yeah, there isn't much to feel yet, I guess. On the outside." Jane chewed the inside of her cheek, wishing she could do something to make whatever it was better. She let go of Maura's hand, which lingered in the air before resting on the cushion between them. Jane thought she saw some sadness return; her jokes weren't doing their job.

Jane had to try again. "Are you sure... you want to do this?" Maura's brow wrinkled. "You could have anything you want, you know. I kind of ambushed you, and got you to agree to... It's a lot to ask, Maura, a lifetime commitment. And you saw tonight, my family can be pretty overwhelming. You don't have to do it if you don't want to. You could have a real family, with a husband and your own kids, and a hundred turtles running around..." Jane paused, waiting for the correction, but Maura said nothing. Her eyes were wandering around the room. Was she even hearing Jane? "You could have anything," Jane finished quietly.

Maura finally made eye contact again, her brow still knit. She was trying to gauge Jane's offer. Was she merely giving Maura an out of the situation, or was she trying to say she had changed her mind? That she didn't want Maura so involved? Maura couldn't quite read the expression on Jane's face. Her frontalis muscles were engaged, but that could indicate either surprise or worry. Worry made the most sense in this situation, and Jane's next movement, her palm moving to cover Maura's hand, supported this hypothesis. Maura concluded that Jane was simply offering Maura the chance to back out. She did the only thing she could do: she spoke honestly.

"I want _this_, Jane. I want _exactly_ _this_, us, sitting together, relaxing after a long day. For the rest of our lives."

"Why?"

Maura had to remind herself that there were no stupid questions. Jane really didn't know. "You're my best friend. I want you in my life, always." It seemed so simple when she said it that way. It didn't speak of the anxiety she felt each time she had seen Casey come into Jane's life, nor the pain of losing Jane when they had argued. Did she need to articulate those feelings? Did Jane really need to hear how important she was to Maura? She still looked baffled.

Maura sighed, trying to figure out how to make herself clear. "You remember, I considered dating Tommy for a short time? Until I saw how much it upset you. It wasn't just his physique or his demeanor I found appealing. I thought... maybe... if things worked out... it would make me a permanent part of your family.

"I didn't know what family meant before I met you. I was an only child and my parents made a point of teaching me to be independent." Jane's head tilted and she squeezed Maura's hand in sympathy. "It's not sad, it just is. I value my independence. I always knew that I could be happy by myself, that I could take care of myself. I never planned to have a family. The way other kids talked about their relatives, it seemed like more of a nuisance than anything else. I thought I was lucky that I didn't have to endure family holidays."

"You were," Jane deadpanned, trying (and failing) to lighten the mood.

Maura ignored the remark. She looked down at their intertwined hands and moved her thumb slowly over Jane's. "You showed me what family really is, the value of it. You help each other persevere during difficult times and you share the memories of good times. You're so much stronger together than I could ever be by myself. The more you let me into your family, the more I understood, the more I wanted that." Her eyes closed. "I want it so badly, Jane." They opened again and tears began to well. She wiped them away with her free hand and took a breath to steady her voice.

"Your family is special. I love your mother. I love the way she interferes in your life. It's because she cares. I love the way Frankie looks up to you. He wants to be you, Jane. And Tommy, he's made some mistakes, but he tries so hard to be the man you all believe him to be. All the idiosyncrasies make each one of you..." She sighed, no longer finding the words to explain why, and had to settle for the conclusion, "I'm fond of you all.

"I don't want my own family, Jane, I want yours. I want to be part of that. What you've given me, by inviting me into your family, I wouldn't trade for anything in the world."

Jane's chest had collapsed in on itself. She knew instinctively that they had lived very different lives growing up, that while Jane was surrounded by annoyances and chaos, Maura had quiet solitude. But Jane didn't realize how profound an effect this had on Maura's expectations in life. To imagine this remarkable woman content living the rest of her life alone... Angela had always said, 'family comes first.' It was the foundation on which she stood, and it made Jane who she was today. Despite all the griping, she loved her family and wouldn't want them any different.

Jane wanted to wrap Maura up and squeeze the past away from her mind. She wanted to hold her long enough to infuse her with the love and affection she had been missing for a lifetime. She wanted to be Maura's family. It took Jane a moment to realize that what she and Maura wanted were exactly the same. That what this woman, who seemed to have everything, lacked, Jane could give. Maura wasn't helping Jane out of duty or sympathy. This was something she wanted as much as, or maybe even more than Jane did.

At that moment of comprehension, Jane's heart swelled with pride. Without even trying, she had given her best friend exactly what she needed. And now that Jane knew, nothing could stop her from being that imposing, annoying, loud family that Maura wanted so badly. Jane would bring the vitality, Maura would be the voice of reason, and they would both provide love. Jane's hand squeezed Maura's again as a wide smile grew on her face. "You're going to be the most amazing mom. Our kid is so lucky."

They sat in silence, their hands still clasped, for so long that Maura's eyelids began to fall. "C'mon, Maur. Let's go to bed." Jane stood, and instead of letting go, she turned her hand around to hold on and lead Maura back to their bedroom, where she finally let go so they could both grudgingly perform their nightly routines. But when Jane got in bed, Maura laying on her back beside her, eyes already closed in slumber, Jane scooted a little closer than usual and laid an arm across Maura's middle. She lifted her head tentatively and saw, in the moonlight, that smile.


	7. Chapter 7

_Jane had been in labor for what felt like months, but she felt no pain. She was at the shooting range and instead of having contractions, she fired rounds into the target. It was close. She widened her stance and aimed. She took a breath and held it, then squeezed the trigger, one, two, three, four. The baby was out. But when she looked at it, it was a turtle, slowly creeping away. She shot it dead._

* * *

Vivid dreams were not new to Jane. Especially when she was emotionally involved in a case, she would dream about it, as if her subconscious were piecing together the evidence. Sometimes she dreamed about the victims, her brain bringing to life the stories Maura told about who they were and how they died. Other times it was their killers, or Jane's would-be killer, who invaded her thoughts when she was supposed to be resting. She probably should have expected the baby to make an appearance as well.

Over the last week, the baby thing became real. It wasn't just something Jane and Maura thought about together and kept from everyone else. It wasn't their own little world of fuzzy heartbeats and furtive glances anymore. It wasn't just a dream, it was real, and it was becoming part of her identity. Up until this point, Jane had still been the woman detective. Now she was the pregnant detective.

Once the family knew, they couldn't keep the news from spreading. Angela, especially, seemed to be telling everyone in the greater Boston area about her newest grandbaby. She was so proud, and Jane was happy about that, especially because she knew the circumstances weren't exactly what Angela had imagined. Still, being the talk of the station wasn't easy. At least this time it was for something good.

Jane had spoken to Cavanaugh first thing Monday morning. Legally, he couldn't force her into light duty for the duration of her pregnancy, though he wanted to. He urged her to be realistic about her physical abilities. She knew better than anyone else how dangerous her job could be, and the physical toll it took on her, even on the good days. But Jane insisted on performing her regular duties as long as possible. Now that her energy was coming back—Maura had explained that would happen at the beginning of the second trimester—she hated the thought of being stuck at her desk (or worse, in the basement working evidence) for the next six months while the men were out doing the real work.

So things had changed in little ways. She was now the last to enter a suspicious building instead of the first. Korsak nagged her about wearing a vest when it wasn't really necessary. And both he and Frost kept trying to stand in front of her when they were questioning someone. Maura insisted that they were being protective, that it showed that they cared for her, but Jane just found it annoying. Demeaning.

Even her brothers were acting differently. Suddenly instead of being their big sister, who stuck up for them at school and whipped them into shape when they acted up, she was fragile, someone who needed to be protected, even from herself. Suddenly everyone thought they knew what was best for the baby. The kept looking at her belly instead of her face when she walked in a room. As if she had been reduced to an incubator.

Maura was the only one who didn't treat her that way. Maybe because it wasn't new to her, or maybe because Maura was just remarkable like that, she was the only person who could still make Jane feel like herself. Maura obviously cared about the baby, but she was also concerned with Jane's thoughts and well-being. So when Jane awoke from her dream, sweaty and confused, and Maura asked what was wrong, she confided in her friend. Maura ran a hand down Jane's back as she related the details. It was meant to be comforting, but Jane squirmed away. She didn't know why. Maura was just trying to help.

Maura didn't react to the rejection. She just got up and pulled a clean, dry tank top from the bureau. "What do you think it means?" She handed the top to Jane and turned away to offer a modicum of privacy.

For some reason, Jane wanted to get a rise out of Maura. She felt the attitude build up in her chest like it was ready to explode. The fuse was lit by the way the satin of Maura's nightgown ruffled as she turned, and the edge landed right below her ass. Why did she have to wear that sexy shit to bed? Why couldn't she just wear regular clothes like a normal person? Jane said the most obvious—and most disturbing—thing that came to mind as she stripped off her shirt and tossed it to the floor, "It means I want to kill the baby." She just sat there, breasts exposed, mentally daring Maura to turn around and look at her.

But Maura stayed calm and facing the wall. Robot therapist. "Do you?" Sterile. Her ability to compartmentalize was so fucking frustrating.

"God, Maura." Jane honestly didn't know why she was using this harsh tone. "Don't you think I would have done that already?" This, at least, got a tiny reaction. Maura's head drooped and her arms wrapped around herself. Jane felt delight and regret at the same time. She pulled on the tank top.

"Then maybe it means you're worried." Maura's voice was quieter now. Her feelings were hurt, but she was trying not to show it. She was still trying to be nice. Doormat.

"You can turn around now." Jane was ready to let it go and stop talking about this. She just wanted to forget it and go back to sleep.

But Maura persisted. "It's not unusual for—" Fuck, the last thing Jane needed right now was Googlemouth reassuring her about the baby. Baby, baby, baby.

"I know, 'it's not unusual for expectant mothers to have fucked up dreams,'" she mocked. She could see the hurt on Maura's face. Maura didn't deserve this snark, she was just trying to help. But Jane couldn't stop herself.

"That's not exactly what I was going to say, but yes. For their fears to manifest in their dreams." Maura was still standing. Why was she still just standing there? Why didn't she get back in bed so Jane could hold her and they could go back to sleep?

"So I'm _afraid_ I'm going to kill the baby?" Jane was almost yelling now.

Maura just shrugged. Were there tears in her eyes?

Jane took a breath, tried to be calm, rational, salvage this conversation and make Maura come back to her. "But why was it a turtle?"

"I don't know." Then after an uncomfortable silence, "Was it a turtle or a tortoise?"

Jane failed. She exploded, "I don't know, Maura, it had a shell. What difference does it make?"

"I'm going to go get some water. Do you want anything?"

"No."

Jane waited for Maura to return, but gave up after twenty minutes. She slept fitfully with the bed to herself.

* * *

Maura didn't sleep much at all. She had fumed in the kitchen for a few minutes, trying to tell herself it wasn't worth being upset over. Jane had been stressed this past week; she had complained more than once that all anyone could talk about was the baby. She was stressed and she was taking it out on Maura.

Maura had tried to stay calm, to be the good friend she had always been, to listen and comfort and be exactly what Jane needed. And the more she did, the more it had become clear that what Jane really needed wasn't a friend. It was space. So Maura removed herself from the situation. She didn't have to subject herself to Jane's abuse. She wasn't going to confront Jane about it, that would just make it worse. But she didn't have to welcome it, either.

In the kitchen that night, Maura decided the last thing she wanted to do was walk back into Jane's hostility. If Jane calmed down enough to talk rationally, that would be a step in the right direction. But it was up to Jane to take that first step.

Maura had sat on the sofa. She had waited. More than anything, she had wanted to go back into the bedroom and tell Jane it was ok, she wasn't mad, couldn't they just go back to sleep? Sleep, their own sublime version of it, with Jane's long legs stretching across the bed and her body warming the space under the covers. Their sleep, in which Maura's skin burned where Jane's toes rested on the top of Maura's foot, or even better, when Jane graced Maura with the weight of her arm across Maura's torso, her whole long body pressed against Maura's.

But Jane never came. When dawn began to awaken the rest of the city, Maura put away the blanket she had been using to keep herself warm in Jane's absence (it had been a poor substitute anyway) and found some old workout clothes in the guest closet. A run would raise her endorphins and help push away this feeling of... what was it? Anger? Loneliness? Rejection? All of the above.

Sometimes even a rush of neurotransmitters isn't enough. Maura was feeling better after her run, really, she was, until Jane appeared in the kitchen and noticed the sheen of sweat on Maura's chest. The look on her face was surprise or sadness, maybe both, but not an apology.

"You went running without me?" Of course she did. Jane hadn't run with Maura in months. She was either with Casey or too tired. It was no longer something they did together.

"Twelve miles, 98 minutes." She didn't have to say, _I can go farther, faster, without you tagging along_, but the implication was there.

Jane's face went slack. "We have a doctor's appointment in an hour," she muttered, retreating back to the bedroom.

* * *

Jane had handed Maura the car keys and their fingers touched for a second. That was all it took to begin recovery. The gesture itself, Jane relinquishing the only bit of control she still had—driving—to Maura, was an olive branch. It was _please_, it was _I'm sorry_, it was _love me again_. _Take care of me_. _I need you_. Jane said none of that aloud, but Maura heard it anyway.

Still, they were both quiet on the ride over and until Dr. Filer appeared. It was a defensive silence, Maura surmised. Neither woman wanted to risk fighting again, so both stayed silent.

The doctor's cheerful words sounded discordant. "Good morning, Jane. How are you feeling today?"

"Fine." Jane tried to match the doctor's cheer, but it fell flat.

Dr. Filer picked up on the tension and looked to Maura, who explained, "You had a nightmare, Jane."

"It wasn't a nightmare, it was just a dream. A weird one."

"And it precipitated a disagreement."

Jane snorted. 'Disagreement' was putting it mildly.

Maura closed her eyes. _Please, not more of this, I thought we were done._

Thankfully, Dr. Filer took over the conversation. "Well, pregnancy dreams are sometimes exacerbated by stress. Has your work been stressful?"

"I'm a homicide detective," Jane rolled her eyes. "It's not exactly a day at the spa." She knew she had to stop this snark before it got out of hand and she offended _both_ doctors.

Dr. Filer gracefully continued, "And what about things at home?"

"Well, up until last night, it was fine. It was great, actually." Jane finally relaxed, thinking about how much she had been enjoying spending that downtime with Maura, and how much she missed her when she had been absent. Her eyes glided over Maura's body, from her face to her crossed legs, pausing at her stylish heels, then back up to her eyes. She abridged everything she wanted to say, "Maura is perfect."

The softening of Maura's face as she held Jane's gaze urged Jane to continue. "I was mean last night. I don't know why. She doesn't deserve that." Jane's words were directed at the other doctor, but they were meant for Maura's ears. Without breaking eye contact with Maura, Jane added, "She deserves so much better than that."

Maura interrupted, "Doctor, could we have a moment?"

Dr. Filer must have said something as she exited, but neither Jane nor Maura paid much attention. Maura stood between Jane's legs where she sat on the exam table, her hands on the outside of Jane's knees. Jane's fingers reached for the hem of Maura's jacket and her eyes played there as well.

"I'm sorry, Maur. I don't know why I acted like I did."

"OK." Maura's thumb grazed Jane's cheek.

'I don't want to do that again. I missed you too much." Jane's hand slipped underneath the jacket and gently gripped her hip.

Maura swayed forward. "Me too." In one fluid motion, both Jane's hands slid up Maura's back, and Maura's arms wrapped around Jane's shoulders. It was the relief they had both been waiting all night for. Jane rested her cheek in the curve of Maura's neck; Maura nuzzled Jane's hair. Neither wanted to let go.

* * *

_Jane was searching a suspicious residence. Her gun was drawn and her only backup was Maura. The house turned up empty, except for a small tortoise Jane found in a closet. She gave it to Maura._


	8. Chapter 8

Maura was careful not to wake Jane when she got up early Saturday morning. It was their first day off since that fight almost a week ago and Maura had a lot to do. She pulled on a comfortable pair of jeans and one of Jane's V-necks, and quietly closed the bedroom door behind her. She had been planning this morning all week and she wasn't going to let a little noise ruin the surprise.

Once they hugged in that exam room, it had seemed as though nothing could separate them. They held each other's hands, fingers entwined, through the questions and the physical exam, only breaking contact long enough for Jane to get dressed when the appointment was over. It was, Maura had thought, what being a real couple must be like. She'd had relationships before, but none where she was so emotionally attached as to need that constant physical contact. With Jane that day, her stomach lurched when she had to let go and turn around while Jane dressed. From the urgent way Jane took her hand again when she was ready to leave, Maura concluded that Jane felt the same. She had wondered if the feeling would last, or if it was just them making up for time lost the night before.

The spell was broken, of course, when they walked into the station that afternoon. Both women knew, on some level, that there was a limit to how affectionate they could be in public, even if it was just affection between best friends. People wouldn't understand. Maura and Jane didn't have to discuss this fact, they both just knew, when they got out of the car, that the time for holding hands was over. One last squeeze would need to last the rest of the day, at least until they got home.

Work that day was nothing out of the ordinary, but then Maura enjoyed doing autopsies precisely because they were routine. The deceased were examined not only for cause of death and evidence that would be useful in solving their murder, but also for scars, lesions, and any physical attribute that might be useful in understanding who this person was while they were alive. Long nails or short, calluses, muscle mass, occupational markers, dental health—everything was essential. And those were just a few aspects of the preliminary physical exam. Inside the body were literally layers upon layers of data to be gathered. With as many autopsies as Maura had performed, she had become expert in noticing and interpreting even the smallest or most obscure of details. It was why she was the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Maura approached life much like she did autopsies. The methodical examination of every detail, she had found, was the best way to build a complete picture of a situation, to fully understand it. Even after Jane had apologized, their argument had bothered Maura. Aspects of it didn't make sense, and she found herself mentally examining the event. When they had fallen asleep that night, Jane had been fine. She had complained about people at work treating her differently, but it was more of a complaint than emotional distress. After the dream, Jane was visibly disturbed, and couldn't articulate why. When Maura tried to help, Jane had shrugged her off, clearly irritated.

Perhaps the content of the dream was what bothered Jane. Maura could see, logically, why the idea of shooting a tortoise would be troubling, especially if that tortoise were one's offspring. But Maura's suggestion—that the dream meant she was worried about the baby—didn't seem to help at all. On some level, their fight wasn't even about the dream, it was about them.

Jane had said she didn't know why she acted the way she did. She admitted it was inappropriate and seemed to be cognizant of that even during the argument. Maura knew that elevated hormone levels during pregnancy could cause mood swings, but the books said that usually eased during the second trimester. Regardless of whether hormones were involved, there was clearly some underlying issue that was magnified that night.

A possible answer came to Maura when she visited the bullpen. Jane was in the restroom, Frost had reported, "Said she needed a little 'Jane time.'" Indeed, Jane didn't have a private office like Maura did. And as comfortable as she had made herself in Maura's home (leaving her dirty socks in the living room, for example), it was still Maura's home. Jane had no personal space, anywhere. She was even sharing her own body.

And so the planning had begun.

* * *

Jane woke up cold that Saturday morning. Eyes still closed, she groped around the space to her right and found it empty of the soft warmth she had grown accustomed to. She groaned. Great, now she would have to get out of bed to say good morning to Maura. They had just solved a difficult case that had been keeping Jane up late; no doubt Maura had wanted to let Jane sleep in.

But sleeping in just didn't sound as good without Maura. Jane grabbed Maura's pillow and hugged it, trying to recreate the comfort. She wished they could spend all day sleeping in together. Jane would be able to smell Maura's left-over perfume on her neck. Maura might just mold herself into Jane, that silky nightgown bunching up at her hip... The thought alone warmed her.

Jane flopped back over and looked at the door. It was closed. She listened for noises. There were none. No kitchen noises, no bathroom noises, no walking around, no television. Maybe she was alone in the house. She closed her eyes again and hugged the pillow tighter. It was ok, soft, but... It just wasn't the same. Only Maura would do.

Jane smiled to herself, thinking what it would be like if Maura were there with her. She'd smile languidly over her shoulder and drag her toes up and down Jane's shin, inadvertently massaging the sore muscle. She might try to get up and do something productive, but Jane would keep her there, one arm around her waist. They'd laugh and Maura would accept her fate: she was stuck with Jane. Stuck in their little heaven where time stood still and everything stayed good, most of the time, anyway.

Jane was determined not to let herself get out of control like she did that night. She didn't remember the words she spoke, just the feeling, the _intention_ to cause pain. She was supposed to be Maura's family, her protector, and that night she had turned into the bad guy. Maura would say it was her hormones, and give some long scientific excuse, but hormones or not, it was still Jane's fault. She was an adult and she should be able to act like one, to have enough control over her emotions that she didn't have to hurt her best friend.

She'd had a few dreams since then. They weren't as bad. She could handle them on her own. Most of the time, the baby was a turtle. Or a tortoise. Whatever. One time it was Simba from _The Lion King_. She had held it up to the sky and all the other animals bowed down. She told Maura about that one, but not the others. And then they had to watch _The Lion King_, because somehow Maura had missed that one when she was away at boarding school. That was the kind of friend Jane wanted to be to Maura, the kind who introduced her to classic children's movies and kept her in bed until noon on a Saturday just doing nothing. The kind who didn't burden her with worrisome dreams or questions like, 'What if our kid comes out with a shell?' Jane wanted to give Maura only good things. That's what she deserved. That's what she did for Jane.

Sometimes it felt like the sun shone from Maura's smile. She'd walk into a room and suddenly everything was better. Jane would be in the bullpen, trying to focus on that case, but distracted by other things. Was she hungry again, so soon? Why couldn't she take a _real_ pain reliever instead of stupid Tylenol? When should they start thinking of names? What if she forgets to feed the baby and it starves? What if she _can't_ feed the baby, like nothing comes out? Is SIDS a real thing? They have to find a good school. And start a college fund. Shit, college was going to be expensive.—Maura would walk in, smiling like nobody's business, and Jane's mind would go blank. Jane could practically see all the questions and to-do lists fall to the floor, ground to dust by Maura's peep-toes. She'd bring with her a new piece of evidence and an apple for Jane, she'd sit for a few minutes, and Jane could think clearly again.

It was the hormones, Jane assured herself. Maura had warned her that there would be mood swings. The worrying and inability to focus probably came with that. The worst was the crying. Jane was always quick enough to be able to retreat to the restroom before anybody noticed, but there were one or two times when she couldn't even figure out why she was crying. She felt like such an idiot. And sure enough, when she emerged from the restroom with puffy eyes, Frost looked at her like she was an alien. One good glare, though, and he shut his trap. A few more snarky remarks and some well-placed attitude had put the rest of the precinct in line. Jane was proud that even in maternity slacks, she was able to intimidate those guys. Apparently the combination of elevated hormones and a loaded firearm was more than they wanted to mess with.

Jane rolled over onto her back and put her hands behind her head and yawned, finally beginning to wake up. She had almost accepted that there would be no snuggling this morning when the doorbell rang and she heard Maura's footsteps answer it. Next there was some conversation and commotion. But instead of going to investigate, Jane plucked her phone off the nightstand and composed a text message, 'where did u go?'

Not two minutes later, Maura was back in Jane's arms, laughing and smiling and brightening up the room. Satisfied to have Maura back in her rightful place, Jane asked, "What's going on out there? Sounds like you're having a party without me."

Maura immediately flustered, obviously trying to think of a way to answer without actually answering. She found it, "That would be difficult; you're the life of any party." Oh, that smile.

"What is it then? You'd better tell me, I know when you're keeping secrets." Jane lightly patted Maura's collarbone, where hives were just starting to peek out.

Maura shook her head, refusing to tell. "It's a surprise, Jane, just give us a few more minutes to set it up. How about I bring you some breakfast and when you've eaten you can come see?"

"I'd rather have you than breakfast."

"Maybe you can have both."

* * *

Half an hour later, Maura led Jane into her home office, eyes closed. "Surprise!" Jane opened her eyes to see Tommy and Frankie standing back, smiling. The desk, file cabinets, and bookshelves had been moved out and replaced with mats and free weights from Jane's old apartment. All her workout gear was here, plus some new stuff, and her punching bag dummy was front and center.

Maura explained, "I don't need to work at home. And I thought you could use some space of your own. What do you think of your new workout room?" She smiled grandly and held her arms out like a Ford spokesmodel.

Jane immediately began to cry. One hand covered her mouth, the other found Maura's hand and squeezed it. She didn't know why, but she was overwhelmed with emotion. Her brothers looked scared and Maura looked worried, so she tried to reassure them, "I'm sorry, I love it. I love it. Thank you."

"Hey, uh, Janie," Frankie tried, "It's no big deal, I just needed the extra space." Frankie had moved into Jane's apartment and wanted to use the alcove there for storage. He tentatively patted her arm. Jane just nodded and sniffled.

Tommy looked scared. "Yeah... Maybe we should go." He started moving toward the door, edging around the wall so as not to get too close to Jane. But she stopped him and gave both brothers a hug before they left. Maura thanked them and offered Jane her shoulder.

When she had mostly recovered, Jane's face turned to suspicion. "Is this a trick to get me to do baby yoga or something?"

"Prenatal yoga would be an excellent use for this room, but only if you want that. This is your room; nobody else allowed without your permission."

* * *

Jane couldn't wait to use her new workout room. That afternoon, she tied her hair back and taped up her hands for a little quality time with her punching bag man. Only a few minutes in, she decided it was too quiet and turned on some music. It helped for a little while, but she just didn't have any pent-up aggression to work through. She was bored.

Likewise, Maura was in the living room, paging through the latest _Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology_, trying not to think about Jane in the other room. That was her space and Maura wasn't going to invade it, no matter how much she wanted to. Of course, if she were invited, that would be different. Maura tossed the journal on the coffee table and stood, casually smoothing the wrinkles in her skirt. She strolled down the hallway past Jane's workout room, but didn't look in through the cracked door. She paused at the end of the hallway, straightened the towels in the bathroom, then casually strolled back...

"Maura?" Jane opened the door all the way and called after her.

"Oh, I didn't mean to bother you, I was just..." She had no honest way to finish that sentence. And she couldn't have, either, as her eyes wandered down. There was a drop of sweat forming below Jane's collarbone, and her chest lifted with each breath. Maura licked her lips.

"Just... what? Huh?" Jane's chin lifted as she smiled, obviously catching her friend in the almost-lie. "C'mon," she tapped Maura on the arm, "keep me company." She turned down the music and went back to her punching bag. Maura took a seat on the exercise ball, bouncing just a little.

Jane did a double-take. "Ok, you can't be in here if you're going to bounce like that."

"Why not?" The bouncing continued.

"Seriously, Maura, it's distracting."

"Oh." Bouncing stopped.

Jane threw a few more punches. Maura tried not to be distracting and studied Jane's stance. Left leg forward, her hips twisted slightly as she threw a left jab, then her shoulders twisted in the opposite direction for a right cross. She was wearing those little running shorts that made her legs look like they went on forever. Maura's fingers played on her lips.

"I was thinking," Jane started between punches, "we're going to need a room for the baby, too." She looked over her shoulder at Maura, whose head popped up.

"What? Oh, yes," Maura nodded, "a room for the baby, of course." The shorts were slung low around Jane's hips, and Maura could see the growing baby bump between the waistband and Jane's sports bra. She would have to take a photograph of Jane like this. She looked beautiful and happy. Maura decided that her diagnosis of needing personal space was correct. Jane shifted around the bag a little and Maura rolled the ball to the side a bit so she could see more of Jane's... face... while she worked out. "I was thinking we could use the guest room."

"Yeah, that'll be good." Jane switched to alternating left and right hooks. "We could decorate it, y'know? Get a crib and a changing table and everything."

"I can call my decorator and have her come up with some ideas," Maura offered, finally paying attention to the conversation.

"Well," Jane paused her punches and tapped her knuckles together. "I think I want us to do it. Or, you don't have to help if you don't want to. Paint and stuff."

Maura scoffed, "You think I'm afraid of a little paint, Jane Rizzoli? I'm the Chief Medi—"

Jane laughed and held up her hands in contrition. "Alright, alright, I'll believe it when I see it, Ethan Allen."

"The revolutionary war hero?"

"What? No, the—nevermind." Jane shook her head and laughed. Maura smiled and started bouncing again.

* * *

_A/N: I couldn't have muddled through this chapter without the help of living-on-borrowed-crime, nor without your continued support. I needed some fluff after the last chapter, I hope you liked this one as much. I'm going away for the weekend, so the next chapter will probably take a little longer to update. If you spend the interval thinking about Jane throwing punches and Maura bouncing on that exercise ball, it won't be time wasted._


	9. Chapter 9

"Why do I have to try them on? Even if they fit now, I'm just going to keep getting bigger." Jane pouted through the store, trailing behind Maura and her growing armload of maternity clothing.

"A proper fit is important, Jane. Your body is changing and we will need to purchase more clothes as your pregnancy progresses. For now, you need clothing for work that makes you look and feel like a badass. The more confident and comfortable you feel, the more prepared you will be to rip a suspect in interrogation."

"It's _break_, Maura. _Break_ a suspect." Jane added, under her breath, "And I _am_ a badass."

Maura heard the last remark and used it against her as she gestured to the dressing room attendant, "If you're such a badass, then you can endure thirty minutes in a fitting room." She hung the clothes on the hook and ushered Jane in, then exited and closed the door behind her.

"Thirty minutes!?" Jane frowned at herself in the mirror and sighed, patting her belly. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

Jane had been alternating between one hastily bought pair of maternity pants and two pairs of too-big slacks she had found at the bottom of her drawer, undoubtedly purchased without trying them on, and never returned. They afforded her extra room at the waist, and she had added the waistband extender for additional space, but they were baggy in the rear. Maura had let her get away with this for a couple of weeks while they had been busy with work and putting together Jane's fitness room, but enough was enough. In addition, Jane's T-shirts were routinely coming un-tucked, no longer able to cover her belly. It was past time to take action and Maura was embarrassed to have let Jane's appearance suffer for this long.

"Jane? I don't hear any undressing in there. Do you need help?"

"I'm just mentally preparing myself."

"The longer you wait, the longer this is going to take."

Jane grimaced at her reflection.

"Do you need a reward?"

"I'm not a child, Maura."

"After you find five complete, well-fitting work outfits, we can go for ice cream."

Ice cream. Jane sighed, steeling herself for the task ahead. "Ok, fine. Let's do this thing."

"Five, Jane."

"Yeah, I got it."

"I'm going to go pick out some casual items, will you be ok in there?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Shopping had always been one of Jane's least-favorite activities. Her mother had tried to bring her along to the mall growing up, and make her try on frilly dresses, or just sit there while Angela tried things on. It was boring. And uncomfortable. Somehow, even though Maura did pretty much the same thing, it wasn't so bad. The clothes Maura picked out for her were usually more Jane's style. With Maura, Jane felt less like she was being dragged, more like she was being cared for. Still, it wasn't something she wanted to do every weekend.

Jane kicked off her sneakers and got undressed.

The trying-things-on part was a particular challenge now. Jane actually liked watching her belly get bigger each day, knowing a baby was in there that would eventually be a cute little poop machine. She loved the baby already, even with the uncertainty about how much her life would change because of it. The only bad part, now that the nausea and exhaustion seemed to have passed, was trying to find clothes that fit. Jane just had a weird shape. Tall and thin everywhere but around the middle wasn't easy to find, especially in a suit. And every time she put on something that didn't fit, she got more discouraged. Part of her wanted to give up and walk around in sweats for the next six months. Jane snorted, thinking Maura would go ballistic.

The first pair of pants she tried had a huge stretchy piece that went from the zipper all the way up to her bra. It was loose, but Jane guessed she would grow into it. It was hard to tell. She paired it with an off-white button-down shirt that was also loose around the middle. She looked at herself in the mirror and shrugged.

"Jane?" Maura knocked on the door. "I have some jeans and casual tops for you. How are the suits fitting?"

"Fine, I guess." She sounded dejected already.

"Would you let me see?"

Jane reluctantly opened the door for her friend, just enough to let Maura and her second armload of clothing through. She closed the door and turned around, tugging at the hem of the shirt. "I don't know."

Maura sized her up, pinching the sleeves and pulling at the cuffs. She squinted her eyes. "I don't like this shirt. Take it off." She turned around and picked another from the pile, this one a deep purple satin. "This color is better for you." She unbuttoned it and held it out for Jane to slip her arms into, then turned Jane around and buttoned up the front. Jane noticed Maura's fingers fumble on the two top buttons. It seemed like time had stopped while they were standing there, Maura focused on Jane's chest, Jane breathing in the scent of Maura's shampoo. Jane's arms hung dumbly at her sides; something in her felt the natural place to put them would be around Maura, but another part of her told her that wasn't right. Her fingernails dug into the heels of her hands, trying to absorb the conflict, while her weight shifted slightly forward, bringing the women a fraction closer.

The moment passed. Maura breathed in after she finished the top button and flattened Jane's collar, then smoothed her hands down her shoulders and rested them on her biceps, a soft smile gracing her lips. She finally looked up at Jane and tossed her head like she was shaking away a thought, and whispered, "Yes, I like this one better."

"So do I." Jane's hands unclenched and they started to float up toward Maura's elbows, but Maura stepped back to examine the rest of the outfit. Jane cleared her throat and covered the motion by spreading her hands out and asking, "What about the pants?"

"Turn around." Jane obliged. They fit well enough that Maura didn't think before touching the downward curve, just lightly. Jane almost jumped, and Maura withdrew her hand. "They look good. How do they feel?"

"Fine. I just don't know how they're going to feel next week when I'm that much bigger." Jane's frustration had returned.

"Oh, well, let's try the prosthetic."

"The what?"

"The store has a prosthetic you can wear to see what you'll look like as the baby grows." Maura stepped out for a moment to talk to the sales lady, then returned with a contraption that looked to Jane like a beer belly with straps.

"Uh-uh, no way, I'm not putting that thing on. You first."

Maura looked down at the thing, shrugged, then started taking off her blouse.

Jane gulped. She hadn't intended it to be a challenge, just a little push-back. But now that Maura was going with it, who was Jane to stop her? She just watched as the buttons were undone. It took a moment for Jane to notice the four-inch scar above her hip, and remember why it was there. "Wait," she stopped Maura from putting on the prosthetic. "How have I never seen this?" Her finger traced the line.

Maura shook her head, trying to brush off the question. "Laparoscopic surgery leaves only a few small scars, three below the ribs where they insert the camera and other instruments, and this one where they removed the kidney."

"No, I mean why haven't I seen it? Why didn't I notice it before?" Jane's thumb skimmed the raised pink line. Jane had known about the surgery, had even brought Maura home from the hospital, but she had neglected to ask about it and its lasting effects. She had completely forgotten about it, in fact, as caught up as she was in Casey and then the baby. Now that Jane thought about it, both women had acted like it wasn't a big deal at all for Maura to be giving a piece of herself to someone who didn't value her as a whole. But of course it _was_ a big deal. It was a testament to Maura's generosity and willingness to sacrifice, even for the benefit of someone who had taken her for granted, who had given her nothing but heartbreak. "Does it hurt?"

"There's no physical pain, no."

Jane raised her eyes sharply to meet Maura's. She heard what Maura was trying not to say. "Have you heard from her? Hope?"

"She... she sent a card."

"What, like a _thank you_ note?" Jane spit the words out.

Maura's arms crossed and her shoulders rounded protectively. "She doesn't want me, Jane. I remind her of a different lifetime."

"That doesn't make it ok."

"That's how it is."

Jane's hand had slipped from the scar around to Maura's back. The gesture was warm, but it wasn't enough. She wanted to hug Maura, to make all the pain go away, but she knew that a simple hug wasn't going to fix everything. Or anything. Jane hadn't been the friend that Maura had been for her. Jane's grip tightened, fingers spread across Maura's back, the pads almost digging in. "I should have been there with you."

"It's ok, you had other things on your mind." Her eyes were focused on some spot on the floor.

"No," Jane asserted, "I should have been there for you." She tilted Maura's face up to make eye contact. "I can be a shit sometimes." Maura winced at the profanity, but didn't disagree. Jane insisted, "You don't deserve that." She searched Maura's face for recognition, some understanding of what Jane was trying to say. She wasn't making herself clear, so she tried again, "I don't ever want to be a burden to you, Maura. I want to be... I want you to be able to tell me when you need something, so I can give it to you. Ok?" Maura swallowed and nodded. "And even if it's something you think I can't give, I want to know. Because maybe I can. Ok?"

"Ok."

They just stood there for a moment, neither wanting to break apart, but neither having any more to say. Jane wondered if she had really gotten through to Maura, and was trying to think of another way to give her the confidence to open up and ask for whatever she needed when Maura finally did.

"I could use my blouse, at the moment."

Jane guffawed and loosened her grip on Maura's waist.

Maura's eyebrows knit. "I'm getting cold." She motioned to the prosthetic. "Did you still want me to put this on?"

Jane handed her the blouse and watched her dress. "No, I don't think we need it. Let's just get five of this outfit in different colors and split." She winked and grinned at her friend, "_banana split._"


	10. Chapter 10

Maura sat at the dining table staring down her phone. It was time to call her mother.

They had been in touch sporadically since the hit-and-run. Constance had taken a respite in the French countryside after being released from the hospital, and returned to her home in Paris shortly thereafter. Maura tried to call every few weeks to check in, but often she got voicemail or her mother was so engrossed in her latest project that Maura didn't have time to share the drama of her own life. Not that she especially wanted to. Maura was worried about how her mother would feel to learn that she had found her birth mother and tried to reconnect. And what would she say if she knew Maura had volunteered a non-essential organ for her dying biological half-sister who wanted nothing to do with her? Or that she had been stupid enough to date a serial killer, and not even realize it? It was embarrassing, and Maura had decided that now that those ordeals were over, Constance had no need to hear of them. But she needed to know she was going to be a grandmother.

Maura tried out a few options for breaking the news in her head. _Hello, Mother. I have some news. I'm having a baby. Well, Jane is having a baby. We're having a baby. _Awkward. She tried again. _Would you like to come visit in five months? You'll need to stay in the guest house with Angela, because we're turning the guest room into a nursery. _Roundabout. Maura considered waiting, and just sending an announcement when the baby arrived.

Maura was about to put off the task for another day when Jane strolled in, looking for a snack. She had just finished her workout and droplets of sweat had formed on her lower back. "Do we have any potato chips? Ooh, or Cheetos?" She opened up the pantry and shuffled around its contents. "I need something salty."

"Those items are referred to as 'junk food' because they have a high calorie content and minimal nutritional value. In my estimation, 'junk' is a more appropriate term, as many of the ingredients cannot be classified as 'food'."

"Is that a 'no'?" Jane poked her head out from behind the pantry door and smirked at Maura.

"There are some bananas on the counter, if you're looking to replenish your electrolytes."

"Thank you, Doctor." Jane moved to the fridge instead, and found something preferable, "Pickles!" She brought the entire jar to the table and sat, digging her fingers in. "This is good, right? Electrolytes _and_ a vegetable serving." She winked at Maura as she crunched down. Mouth full now, she nodded toward the phone. "What'cha doin'?"

"Nothing, I—" Maura moved the phone away from herself and sighed. "I was thinking about calling my mother."

Jane leaned back in her chair and sucked juice off the pickle before it could drip onto her chest. "How is good ol' Constance these days?" The last of the pickle went in. "Is she as excited as Ma is to be a gramma?" Jane leaned forward again and fished another pickle out of the jar. "They'll have to pick names, I guess. Grammie, Gramma, Nana... I bet Constance will be _Grandmother_," she finished with a snooty tone.

Maura's forced smile was less enthusiasm than Jane expected. Jane let the selected pickle fall back into the jar. Her eyes narrowed and her chin dropped. "You haven't told her yet, have you?" Maura wouldn't make eye contact. Jane gasped, "Why not?! Maura, you have to tell her!" Jane's arms reached out wide, palms up. "What are you going to do, wait until she comes to visit, then hand her the baby and say, 'Oh by the way, my best friend moved in and we're raising her baby together. Surprise!'"

"Do you think that would work?"

"_Maura_."

Maura's voice was high now, "I don't know what to say, Jane! Help!"

"Ok, ok. Settle down. It's going to be fine." Jane placed her hand on Maura's forearm. "You just say," Jane's eyes searched the ceiling for answers. "Tell her... Tell her the truth: I got knocked up and you came to my rescue."

Maura relaxed a little bit. That wasn't exactly how she saw their situation, but it was sweet of Jane to say.

After a few moments of quiet, Jane bit her lip. "Are you worried about how she'll react? Because it's me? And not... ya know... a _real_ family?"

Maura's heart broke. So much insecurity was packed into those last three words. Maybe Jane would always feel like she wasn't good enough, no matter how much Maura tried to reassure her. Her hand found Jane's. "I'll make her understand."

Jane's head tilted with a grateful smile. "Do you want me here while you talk to her?"

Maura sighed and looked at the dreaded phone. "No, I can do it. I just need to get it over with."

Jane stood and put the pickle jar away. "Good, because I need a shower." She dragged her hand over Maura's shoulders before leaving. Maura's eyes closed as she took a deep breath, storing away the touch for strength in the conversation to come. Even fleeting grazes from Jane, like this, had begun to affect Maura profoundly. Jane's touch was what Maura imagined magic to be like. Or a psychotropic substance.

Sometimes it felt like Jane had become an addiction. Maura would come up with excuses to visit the bullpen, and once she was there she would always be thinking of how to work in a nonchalant, friendly, casual touch. A pat on the arm, a swat to the elbow, a hand on the shoulder. Any form of contact would satisfy this need, she was sure. And on the too rare occasions when contact was made, it only made her hungry for more.

It wasn't ethical, Maura knew, to be using Jane like this, for her own satisfaction. To objectify her, reducing her to silky ebony curls that begged to be fondled, or tight trapezius muscles that only Maura's thumbs could relax. Low hips that widened to accommodate their growing child. A strong, square jaw whose corners could only be properly examined with the sensitive nerve endings in Maura's lips. No, it wasn't right, and Jane would be uncomfortable if she knew these thoughts were anchored in Maura's brain while they were talking about real things, normal things, like murder weapons or cause of death. Things one could say aloud.

It got worse at home. Out of public view, there was no sense of propriety and no distracting lab results to stop Maura from testing the waters, sitting an inch closer than she should or reaching out for no reason besides that she couldn't not. Sometimes Jane didn't mind or even welcomed the touch. If circumstances were exactly right, all the correct elements in place, when Maura offered her fingers to Jane's shoulders, Jane's head would roll forward, her eyes would close, and a soft moan would rumble from her throat. Other times, for whatever reason, Maura would be rejected, shrugged off. Denied.

Perhaps if she had been a better scientist, Maura could have identified the variables that determined Jane's response. She could have constructed the algorithm to know when it was ok to try, to request. To touch. Even with her extensive training in observation, data collection, and analysis, Maura couldn't, for the life of her, solve this mystery that was Jane. Every moment with Jane was paramount, surpassing anything that came before and making her forget even the notion of collecting data. She didn't know whether she was rebuffed more or less often than she was embraced, she just knew there was a risk of breaking, and the euphoria of connection was worth that risk.

Maura learned ways to let Jane take the lead, tacitly inviting contact without actually requesting it. She'd sit first, leaving room for Jane to decide how close she wanted to be, whether she wanted to lie on the sofa with her feet in Maura's lap, sit shoulder-to-shoulder with Maura, or settle miles away at the other end. It was a technique Maura had developed years earlier, when she learned that Jane preferred to be in control. Maura would create an opportunity and wait to see if Jane took it. Maura believed that if she was subtle enough to plant the idea without Jane realizing the seed was Maura's, Jane was more likely to let it blossom. And sometimes, the best times, Jane would come up with the idea all on her own.

So what Jane saw as Maura's good deed, rescuing her when she needed a friend, Maura saw as selfish. It was selfish to take Jane so fully into her home and her life, to make herself part of Jane's family. It was selfish to think of Jane as more than the best friend she believed herself to be and to manipulate her into giving more than she wanted to give. If there was any shame to be had, it was Maura's, for abusing their friendship for her own pleasure.

But her mother didn't need to know that. Constance simply needed to know that Jane was having a baby and Maura was adopting it. That this baby would be her family, at least as much as Maura was. If Constance embraced her role as grandmother, that would be wonderful. If not... well, if not, then Maura would be fine. She always had been before. She would probably get voicemail anyway.

Maura dialed. Constance picked up.

"Maura, darling, how wonderful to hear from you! And what auspicious timing; your father just stepped out for a stroll."

"Hello, Mother, I hope everything is well..."

"Indeed, I'm working on a study on the plight of the—"

"We're having a baby."

There was a pause. "Pardon me?"

"Jane. Jane is having a baby. I'm going to adopt it. We're going to be parents together." Maura was breathing heavily and speaking very quickly. She caught her breath and repeated, "We're having a baby."

More silence on Constance's end.

"Mother? I'm sorry, I know this is sudden—"

"Sweetheart, does Jane know you're in love with her?"

"I— I'm not— No." Maura's forehead rested in her free hand.

"And yet you're starting a family together."

"We're just friends, Mother."

"I see." Constance collected her thoughts. "I know I haven't been the best mother to you. But I'd like to try to be a good grandmother. I just don't want to see you hurt, darling, and I'm afraid you're setting yourself up for that. Have you tried telling Jane how you feel?"

"It's not that simple, I can't just... say it."

"Why not?"

"She has a lot to deal with right now, with the baby and... What if she doesn't want me?"

"She's chosen you to be the mother of her child, darling. She wants you."

"What if she doesn't _want_ me?"

"I don't know, Maura. Are you prepared to live the rest of your life not knowing?"

"I've never been happier than right now, with her."

"Could you be even happier, if she loves you too?"

Maura began to cry. "I can't lose her."

"You need to tell her, sweetheart."

"I can't, Mother. Not yet. Not now."


	11. Chapter 11

_Jane's back ached. Maura sat behind her on the living room floor, her legs spread on either side of Jane, easing the pain. While one hand worked on the muscles of Jane's lower back, the other gathered her hair to the side. Maura was laying down kisses on Jane's neck and it was like lightning, the way it sparked through her body. Then her other hand began to snake around, over Jane's hip and across her flat stomach_—wait a minute, flat stomach? This must be a dream.

Jane woke before the alarm. She was indeed still pregnant, and Maura was next to her, her appearance perfect even in sleep. Her hands rested across her ribs, and her belly rose with each breath.

This thing they were doing, making their own weird kind of family, it wasn't what Jane had expected from life at all. She had spent so long denying her mother's requests that she 'settle down' and get married to a handsome young man. Jane wanted to pursue her career and make something of herself, create a change in the world, so she didn't make men her priority. But she always assumed that at some point, she would have a family.

For a while Jane had thought that would be with Casey, that he would understand the importance of her career and the risks she had to take as part of her job. But there was some sort of miscommunication. The more she tried to be what he wanted, the more demanding he got. She felt like she was no longer herself around him; she was weak and submissive. Someone she didn't even recognize. When she realized that he hadn't called her in over a week, she quit trying.

When Jane found out she was pregnant a few weeks later, she was horrified at the thought of going back to Casey with the news. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck with him for the rest of her life, being that weak person she didn't know. But she wanted the baby. She wanted to do something right, something good. And the only person who gave her the confidence to think maybe she could be a good enough mother was Maura. She felt like if she had Maura in her corner, together, they could do anything.

Jane knew going in that asking Maura to help her raise the baby would mean giving up certain tokens of independence. Maura was bossy—Jane was bossy, too, but in a completely different way—and she would be sure to use whatever weird facts she could to convince Jane to do things she wouldn't normally do. They would have to live together if they were going to raise a kid together. And even though they hadn't talked about it, Jane knew she wouldn't be dating any guys. Ever.

It was a small price to pay, really. Jane had usually enjoyed sex, but it wasn't something she craved. It was more like something she... did. Sometimes. She thought about being touched, and sometimes she even did it herself, but Jane was confident that she wouldn't be missing out on anything by embarking on this new life with Maura. It made Jane a little uncomfortable to think that Maura might want to date, and even bring men home, but Jane would have to learn to deal with that. Her punching bag dummy came to mind.

The thing was—and Jane had read about this in one of Maura's pregnancy books—the hormones were making Jane think about sex more than she used to. It was creeping up in the weirdest places, in the strangest times. Like in the elevator at work. She'd be returning to her desk after visiting the morgue and out of nowhere feel a lurch in her stomach, and imagine what it would be like to be pressed up against the elevator wall, getting kissed.

This was the first time Maura was involved, though. It was a little weird and Jane _definitely_ wasn't going to share _this_ dream with her friend. It was probably just because they spent so much time together, Jane figured. They slept in the same _bed_, for crying out loud. Of _course_ Maura was going to play a prominent role in Jane's subconscious. It didn't mean anything, though. Right?

Jane tried not to think any more about it. She got up and got ready for work.

* * *

Jane had already poured the decaf and was rinsing her oatmeal bowl when Maura appeared in the kitchen.

"Good morning," Maura beamed. "You were up early today. Did you not sleep well?"

"No, I slept fine. Like a baby," Jane lied. Then it hit her, a sense of déjà vu. She had responded the same way when Casey slept over the first time, and snored all night long. The memory was unsettling.

Jane must have made a face or something, because Maura came over and put a hand to her back, asking, "Are you sure? Was it another bad dream?"

Shit, why did she have to be so goddam smart? Jane snaked herself out from under Maura's hand and walked away, asserting, "I just woke up early, that's all." She knew it was unkind and uncalled for, but she had to get out of there before it got any worse.

* * *

Frost knew there would be trouble as soon as Jane showed up to work. She was in a bad mood. Not terrible, not like before she moved in with Maura, but still. She snapped at Frankie when all he wanted was to help with the investigation. She completely ignored Korsak when he asked the same question four times. (Old man couldn't take a hint.) And she didn't go visit the morgue in the afternoon like she usually did.

Instead, Dr. Isles came up to the bullpen with her evidence. She acted normal, maybe a little too professional, but Frost could tell she was studying Jane. Maura didn't know what was wrong with her either, which meant they hadn't had a fight. Jane was hiding something even from the Doc. Not good.

Things started to look up when the evidence Dr. Isles found led to a suspect. It wasn't enough to get a warrant, but the three detectives decided to go out to the residence and do a little field investigation. Ask a few questions. See if any red flags popped up. Jane seemed anxious to make progress in the case and get out of the office.

They talked to the neighbors and scoped out the residence. The only car in the driveway was up on cinder blocks. No obvious movement inside. Looked like nobody was home. Korsak went around back in case anyone tried to run. Frost knocked on the front door. Nothing. He knocked again. Still nothing. Jane put her elbow through the window.

"Whoops," she said, like it was no big deal. Breaking and entering, without a warrant. She just made anything they found inadmissible in court. She reached through the broken glass and unlocked the door. "Hey, look, it's open."

Frost tried to tell her that was a bad idea. That it was an illegal search. That they should wait for Korsak to call for backup. That the guy could be in there, waiting for them with an automatic, and they didn't even have their flak jackets on. But she just went in. The only thing he could do was back her up.

It was a small house, thank God, a cape. They cleared the downstairs and Jane was leading the way upstairs when they heard Korsak shout. The guy was trying to scramble over a desk and through an open window to escape. Jane was having none of that, though; she took the flight of stairs in five big steps, and yanked him back inside, upturning the desk and shattering a table lamp. One good punch kept him on the floor, but then he grabbed her ankle and she lost her balance. She fell forward, hands first, into the broken glass.

Even after it was over, Jane was stunned. She just kind of sat there, looking at her hands. They were bleeding, but it didn't look too bad to Frost. He took her to the emergency room anyway, while Korsak took the suspect in for booking. She wouldn't let him call Maura, and Frankie was on duty, so he called Mrs. Rizzoli, who was a wreck, of course.

Once they found out that Jane was ok—she didn't even need stitches—and the baby was ok, too, Mrs. Rizzoli calmed down enough that he could leave. She said she would take Jane home. Frost wasn't sure what he was going to tell Cavanaugh, but that wasn't his first stop anyway. Frost had promised not to _call_ Maura, but he sure as hell wasn't going to keep this from her. That was her kid, too, and she was the only person Jane might actually listen to. She needed to know the whole story.

* * *

Maura was waiting when Jane came home. She was calm, she was cool, she was rational. She had already been worried, frightened, and angry. Now she was determined.

When Frost had walked into her office and the first words out of his mouth were, "Everything is ok," she knew it wasn't. Maybe they weren't hurt, not this time, but _something_ was wrong, and Maura had to find a way to fix it before it was too late. Before she lost the two most important people in her life. "She listens to you," he said, and she was so angry she wanted to hit him.

"You think _I_ have any control over her?" Maura had yelled at Frost. She didn't care who heard. "Jane does what Jane does. She doesn't ask for permission. It's not who she is."

Now Maura had two options: she could stay angry. Give Jane a piece of her mind and tell her exactly how unacceptable it was to run around picking fights with suspects while carrying Maura's child. It was reckless and it was irresponsible and Maura would not stand for it.

But when Jane walked in the front door following her mother, shoulders slouched, both hands wrapped in a thin layer of gauze, a contrite sadness on her face, Maura knew her anger wasn't necessary. Angela left Jane's keys in the bowl and took her leave. Maura stood and approached Jane tentatively. Jane put her hands in Maura's for examination.

It was like a curse to Jane, these hands of hers. The way they were always betraying her. She could use them to hold a gun or make a fist. They had calluses from doing pull-ups and the nails were chewed down to the quick. They were so tough and powerful most of the time. But somehow they always managed to remind her of her weaknesses. That she couldn't do it alone.

Maura kissed the bandages. She didn't break eye contact. When she let them go, Jane fell into Maura's arms, head resting on Maura's shoulder. They stood there for a while, just breathing. Then when Jane was ready, she let go and sat on the couch, right in the middle, and removed her shoes. She waited for Maura to sit, then pulled her feet up, one at a time, and lay down, resting her head in Maura's lap.

"The baby's ok," Jane said, reassuring both of them.

Maura nodded, then asked, "And you?" Her fingers combed through Jane's curls, easing them away from her face.

Janes eyes shifted from one wall hanging to another. "I was scared. For the baby."

"Frost said you fell." Jane nodded at this, apparently unsurprised that Maura had gotten the story from her partner. Maura jumped to what she really wanted to know, "Why did you do it?"

Jane shook her head the tiniest bit, "I don't know."

"Did you think it was the right thing to do at the time?"

"I didn't think." Jane's eyes closed. She was so disappointed in herself.

"Oh."

Maura thought Jane had gone to sleep, but after several moments Jane's eyes opened and she repeated, "The baby's ok."

"And you?" Maura still wasn't sure.

"I don't want that to happen again." She seemed resolute.

"You won't let it."

Jane looked up at her. 'How do you know?"

"I trust you."


	12. Chapter 12 (bonus)

The bandages didn't hamper Jane's ability to brush her teeth on her own, but when she got into bed she brought with her a jar of cocoa butter that Maura had bought to prevent stretch marks. "Would you do this for me?"

It wasn't really necessary. She hadn't been using the cream consistently anyway; skipping a night or two wouldn't be the end of the world. But she wanted something. Something intangible, yet completely physical, something only Maura seemed to be able to give her. Maybe it was because she was a doctor, maybe because she was a friend, but Maura's touch was special, a healing touch. It didn't take and it didn't assume and it didn't make Jane _less_. It fortified her. She wondered, if she hadn't squirmed away that morning, would she still have acted the way she did that afternoon? Would Maura's touch actually have made everything better?

"Of course." Maura had to remind herself that it was physically impossible for her heart to leap out of her chest.

Jane lay back against the pillows and lifted her tank top up to expose her torso. She put her right hand behind her head until Maura scooted close enough, then released it, letting it circle her friend as she sat cross-legged.

Maura's breath hitched. She desperately didn't want to ruin this moment by doing something wrong. She tentatively dipped her fingers in the jar and applied a thin layer to the skin between Jane's ribs and navel. As she worked her way down the side, Jane sighed and closed her eyes. It was ok.

Jane's thought process began to slow. The events and mistakes of the day faded and she began to relax. Her mind focused on the here and now. The oddly comforting mixture of Maura's perfume and the scent of her soap. The dull soreness on Jane's knees and the smooth, cool satin of Maura's pajamas against her arm. The hum of a car passing outside and Maura's tranquil, rhythmic breathing. And the slow, small circles being drawn on her stomach. Like they were erasing Jane's mistakes.

There was one more sensation, one that came from within. It was almost like gas, an involuntary intestinal movement, not painful, just there. But it wasn't gas. It was a bump. A poke. A kick.

Jane opened her eyes and put her left hand over Maura's, holding it still, waiting for another. When it came, she grinned for the first time that day. "Didja feel it?"

Maura was awed. It was tiny, but she felt it. She nodded and held her breath, wanting it to happen again. She flattened her palm so as to cover more area, and waited. When it came, the other hand went to her mouth to cover her smile.

"He likes you," Jane explained.

Using both hands on Jane's belly now, so as not to miss anything, Maura asked, "Have you ever felt that before?"

"Kicking? No. This is the first time."

"It's incredible!" Maura wanted to kiss it, but restrained herself.

"He loves you."

Maura smirked. "You don't know it's a 'he'."

"We'll find out next week. I bet it is."

"Is that what you want? A boy?" Maura collected more cocoa butter and resumed her tiny circles.

"I don't know. Boys are easier, aren't they?" Jane relaxed again.

"It depends on what you find 'easy,' I suppose." Maura's brain tried to access the various studies she had read about gender differences and whether they were behavioral manifestations of genetics and hormones or culturally derived stereotypes. But at that moment she was focused on how Jane's arm curved around her, and how Jane's fingers snuck under her pajama top and mimicked on her lower back the circles Maura was tracing on Jane's abdomen.

"What do you want? I bet you want a girl," Jane teased.

Maura shook her head, "Doesn't matter." Then she tilted her head to the side, considering, "A girl who likes shopping would be nice." This earned a soft chuckle that closed Jane's eyes. Maura focused again on her ministrations. She took her time to make sure every morsel was properly applied.

A few moments later, Jane's voice had transformed into a low rumble that only came out when she was tired or whispering something wry into Maura's ear. "I was thinking... Danny."

Maura's hand paused. "Who's Danny?"

Jane cracked one eye open to tell Maura to keep going, then closed it again. "Daniel if it's a boy, or Danielle if it's a girl."

Jane didn't see it, but she could hear the grin on Maura's face when she said, "I made a list of names. Those are on it."

"What else is on it?" Jane rolled an inch; her nose and lips brushed Maura's knee and stayed there.

Maura whispered, "Charlotte." She took a more generous helping of the cocoa butter and used both hands to spread it along Jane's obliques. "Nathan." Her fingers spread and she grasped Jane's waist, perhaps a little stronger than necessary. "Olivia." She was encouraged by Jane's contented sigh. "Oliver." Fingernails scraped lightly back up toward her navel. "Seth."

Something in the back of Jane's mind told her to argue, but at this moment, those names, spoken in Maura's dulcet timbre, sounded like heaven to Jane. She just murmured, 'Mmm."

There was an inkling of guilt forming in both of them, that each should be enjoying this moment, the physical relief of it, a little less. That one was taking advantage of the other, feeling more attached and possessive than she should. That there was something dishonest about this feeling of wanting to simply melt into each other.

One final dip in the jar and Maura's hand traveled down the slope from Jane's navel to her shorts. Her boxers were already slung low, but Maura's fingertips slipped below the waistband and pressed gently inside Jane's protruding iliac crest.

A tiny groan escaped Jane's throat. "Maura," she whispered, "I think you'd better stop now."

"Oh," she sounded disappointed. "Ok." Maura rubbed the remainder into her own hands, replaced the lid on the jar, and left it on the night stand.

"Thank you. For doing that." Jane pulled her shirt back down and rolled on her side, waiting for Maura to turn out the light and lie down.

"You're welcome." Maura turned on her side, facing away from Jane. Jane pulled her in by the hips, arching Maura's back to sandwich the baby between them.


	13. Chapter 13

Jane swung her legs off the edge of the exam table. Dr. Filer seemed to be taking longer than usual today. "I changed my mind."

Maura's head titled in question.

"It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl. As long as the baby is a Red Sox fan."

Maura chuckled. "You can indoctrinate the baby early. We'll have to get a Red Sox onesie."

"And a tiny catcher's mitt." Jane held her thumb and forefinger three inches apart. Maura tried to cover her laughter with her hands, but Jane saw it and was encouraged to continue. "Its first words will be, 'Yankees suck,' and we'll put chewing tobacco on its teething ring." Maura gasped in mock horror. "Nah, just kidding. We'll give the kid bubble gum, and teach it to spit like a ball player."

"That sounds like a good compromise." Still smiling, Maura leaned back in her chair and nibbled her thumb.

"What do you want?" Jane asked. "Besides a love for shopping, I mean."

Maura stared off into space for a moment, as if she'd never thought about it. If she were honest, she'd tried not to think about the baby's biological origins and their genetic implications. Maura sighed and looked seriously at Jane. "I hope it's just like you. Tall and fiery. Fun. Big personality. Unruly hair. Smart and loving." Maura paused, a smile tickling her lips. "A wonderful hugger."

"Oh!" Jane scoffed, "I am not!"

"You _are_, and I'm lucky enough to know that."

"Fine," Jane was trying not to smile, "but don't tell anyone. You'll ruin my rep."

There was a short silence, then Maura countered, "What about you? Besides being a Red Sox fan."

"Hmm. Smart. Good hugger, yeah." Jane looked at her hands, and found herself unconsciously massaging the scars on her palms. Jane imagined a pint-sized version of herself, unruly hair and all, but with a fresh start. No mistakes and no tragedies. "I don't want her to be weak. Like, submissive? But not so strong that she can't ask for help, ya know?" Asking for Maura's help three months ago was, in Jane's estimation, the best thing she had ever done. "I want her to know who she is and what's important to her. Confidence, I guess. To not care what other people think, and to do what makes her happy." Jane looked up at Maura and smiled, "Like you."

Maura looked all sentimental, so Jane reached out her hand and, without actually touching, drew her to standing, then patted the table next to where she sat. Maura leaned up against the table, but looked down at her folded hands instead of at Jane, trying not to hope for too much.

Jane leaned her head toward Maura and bit her lip before speaking softly, her breath warm on Maura's neck, "I know it's not, ya know, biologically possible... or whatever..." she sighed, "but I hope the baby is just like you." Jane studied the freckles on Maura's chest. "Your eyes. Your hair." Jane's finger brushed the back of Maura's hands, folded in her lap. "Your touch. You're gentle and sweet. You're a good hugger, too." Maura finally cracked a smile, a dimple emerging. "And your smile."

Maura looked sideways at Jane, searching her face for something she couldn't name. A sign, a signal, some sort of indication created by the minute interactions among the 43 muscles in her face. That Jane's words were heartfelt and not sarcastic. That there was something left unsaid. But before she could find it, Jane looked down at her own hands. Was that embarrassment?

Maura swallowed before saying, "Meaney and Szyf showed in 2004 that rat pups that were well-nurtured by their mother were less susceptible to stress later in life." Jane looked up again, this time with surprised confusion. "It's an epigenetic effect on behavior..." Jane's chin dropped a little. "Evidence for environmental factors playing a role in gene expression..."

"Maura."

Maura shrugged. "It could happen."

Jane's shoulders shook and her eyes closed with laughter. "You really can't help it, can you?"

"What?" Maura didn't know whether to be proud or hurt.

"You." Jane put her arm around Maura, pulling her even closer, so her head rested on Jane's shoulder. "You're adorable."

It was neither proud nor hurt Maura decided on; it was bliss.

Maura's perfume wafted up to Jane's nose and like a Pavlovian response, she relaxed. If only they could always be this close.

* * *

Doctor Filer finally appeared and asked a few routine questions. She was pleased to find out that no more dreams had caused problems between the women. Jane was still having vivid dreams (like one where they were shopping and Jane was carrying Bass around with them the whole time), but they didn't bother her as much. And if they did wake her, she would take her medicine in the form of an arm around the sleeping form beside her.

No, it wasn't the _dreams_ that bothered Jane, it was the _daydreams_. Jane's daydreams had become clearer since that day she came home to Maura broken, needing to be put back together. Jane's mind kept wandering, and she'd notice her arms were wrapped around herself, trying to recreate the feel of Maura's hands on her waist, rubbing those tiny circles of cream into her skin.

She hadn't dared think of Maura in that way before, but now that she had, it was hard not to. It was hard not to notice when there was a gap between the buttons of Maura's blouse. Or how the color of her eyes seemed to change every day. Or that the dip between Maura's ribs and hip was the perfect place to feel her breathing while she slept.

Jane didn't want to reduce her best friend to her physical beauty, but it was hard to deny the woman was a goddess. If Jane was going to think about any woman that way, it made sense that it would be her. So Jane allowed the thoughts. There wasn't much she could do to stop them, anyway. She had basically accepted that her hormones had taken over her body; it only made sense that they would hijack her mind as well. It was just something she'd have to learn to deal with for the duration, and try not to do anything that would offend Maura in the meantime. Then once the baby was born, Jane could go back to being herself again.

As sure as Jane was that her pregnancy was causing these thoughts, it would be nice to get some confirmation from Dr. Filer. But she desperately didn't want to arouse suspicion from the other doctor in the room. Jane tried to phrase her question just vaguely enough to get the assurance she needed. "I was wondering, though... Is it normal to be thinking about new things? Like, it's hard to focus sometimes. Because I keep thinking. About things I don't usually think about. I notice things I didn't really notice before. Can hormones make you do that?"

"Sure," Dr. Filer answered, nodding. "Many pregnant women find that they notice babies or other pregnant women much more, and they think a lot about what the baby will be like, or how their lives will change. That's not the hormones, it's just a natural reaction to all the changes that are occurring."

"Yeah, that makes sense." Jane didn't look satisfied with this answer. "But what if I'm distracted about other things? Things that don't have anything to do with the baby?"

Maura's head tilted and her eyes studied Jane's posture. This was the first she'd heard of any distraction and she was curious to find out what it was and why Jane had been hiding it from her.

Dr. Filer paused a moment, trying to tease out what Jane was implying. "Do these thoughts keep you from going about your daily routine?"

"Not really, they just... slow me down a little?"

Maura's brow knit, trying to think if she had noticed this. Indeed, just that morning Jane had taken unreasonably long to answer whether she wanted oatmeal or pancakes for breakfast. Maura didn't know it, but the pause was because she had stood on tiptoe to reach something in a high cupboard, and her nightgown had crept up, exposing a little more leg than Jane was used to seeing. Maura had assumed Jane was sluggish from just waking up.

Dr. Filer continued, "Do you ever feel unmotivated, like it's hard to go to work or get out of bed?"

_Only when it means leaving Maura._ Jane swallowed. "Maybe." Jane wondered where this line of questioning was going. She already didn't like the look Maura was giving her, and started to think maybe she shouldn't have said anything in the first place. She wondered if there was any way to back track, but the doctor just kept on pressing.

"Do you have anxiety that's separate from the baby? Perhaps about work or home life, or about anything, even if you can't quite pinpoint what it is?"

_About objectifying my best friend?_ "Yeah, I guess."

Now Maura was really worried. If Jane was anxious about something—at home _or_ at work—Maura wanted to know about it so she could help. Her hand went to fiddle nervously with her necklace.

"Have you had thoughts about death or suicide?"

"I'm a homicide detective. Thoughts about death aren't anything new. Suicide, though—wait, are you asking if I'm depressed?" The doctor's eyes widened and her head tilted, obviously confirming Jane's suspicion. "I'm _not_ depressed, I promise." Jane held up her hands defensively. "I'm not contemplating suicide, I'm not sad, I'm _not_ depressed. I'm just..." _thinking way too much about my best friend._ "Confused."

"Have you tried talking to anyone about it? Sometimes just saying what you're thinking out loud can help you sort through your thoughts and make sense of them." Jane looked at the doctor like she had just suggested Jane try petting a hungry lion. "A family member," the doctor looked at Maura, who nodded enthusiastically that she would be receptive to such a discussion, "or a close friend..." Jane's eyes grew wide. Perhaps the doctor wanted Jane to put her head right in the lion's mouth? "Or if you're uncomfortable with that I could refer you to a thera—"

"No," Jane interrupted, "That's ok, it's really not a big deal. I'm sure it's nothing." Jane was talking fast now, belying her discomfort. "I'm sure it'll go away. I mean, I'll figure it out." Maura didn't look convinced. "Don't worry, it's not even important."

Dr. Filer eyed Jane dubiously, but said, "That's fine, but if you change your mind you can always call my office for a referral or to talk directly to me." Jane nodded, hoping to put the topic behind her.

Though Maura was still studying Jane, Dr. Filer moved on to other business. She confirmed that the amniocentesis results were clear and started preparing for the ultrasound. Jane kept glancing at Maura, wondering if her genius brain was figuring out what Jane was trying to hide. Maura was staring at her hands, folded in her lap, but she looked troubled more than contemplative.

Maura wasn't one to jump to conclusions easily. It was bad science and she knew, logically, that when conclusions were not supported by evidence, they were often incorrect. But Maura wasn't thinking logically at that moment. For some reason, when it came to Jane and the baby, Maura's emotions interfered with her ability to approach the situation rationally. Still, she tried to mentally talk herself down and return to her senses.

She had heard that Jane had been losing focus, and it wasn't because of the baby and it wasn't because of work. The more Maura considered it, the more she had noticed Jane's attention flagging. More than once, Maura had to dip her head to catch Jane's gaze while they were in the middle of a conversation. And Jane had admitted it was more than just losing focus, it was anxiety, too.

There was only one thing Maura could think of that could be troubling Jane that wasn't work, and wasn't the baby, that she couldn't talk to Maura about: Casey. Jane hadn't told Maura much about her relationship with Casey or why it ended, just that it did and she didn't want to be with him anymore. Maybe she had changed her mind. Maybe she wanted the baby to have a father instead of two mothers, maybe she wasn't happy living with Maura. Maybe she wasn't happy _being_ with Maura.

Maura's mind raced, trying to remember if Jane had said anything about him that would suggest this was the case. For all she could recall, there had been no mention of him at all in the past month. Not even just now when they were talking about what features they wanted the baby to have. Had Maura missed something? Could she have blocked it out, subconsciously trying to ignore anything that might pierce the bubble of bliss she was living in?

Maura closed her eyes tightly, half in an effort to make her brain behave rationally, half so that she could hide the tears forming. She put her fingers and thumb to her eyebrows, anticipating a headache.

"Maur?" Jane's voice snapped her out of her head. "Don't you want to see the baby?" Her tone was gentle, and when Maura opened her eyes, she saw that Jane's head was tilted with concern. Jane's hand rested on the exam table beside her, but her fingers flexed and wiggled in the same way that her toes did when she wanted a foot massage. For the second time in less than an hour, Jane pulled Maura to her feet without even touching her. Maura took the hand Jane held out for her.

Jane's thumb rubbed against Maura's when she said softly, trying to keep their conversation at least a little bit private from Dr. Filer, "It's nothing, Maura, please, don't worry about it."

Maura looked her over, trying to believe Jane's words and quiet her own mind. "I can't help but worry." She wasn't asking Jane to divulge everything, just enough to reassure her that her distress was unfounded. "You're my family."

Jane squeezed Maura's hand and took a big breath. "I keep thinking..." She looked down at their clasped hands for strength, then finally made eye contact with Maura. "About you." She shrugged. "I miss you when you're not there, ok?" Maura's grip relaxed some and Jane repeated, "I keep thinking about you."

Maura took a shuddering breath of relief. "It's me?" Her free hand went to her chest, trying to quiet the pounding of her heart.

"Yeah." Jane was embarrassed again, even though Dr. Filer was scrutinizing the monitor, and didn't appear to be listening to their conversation. "See? It's no big deal. Let's not make a thing about it, ok?"

"That's all?" Maura's head shook in disbelief. "Not... anybody else?"

"Well, sometimes I think about the baby, too."

Maura finally smiled and collected her wits. "Well, there's no reason you should miss me, Jane. You should come visit my office more often during the day, or if you can't, then call me and I will come find you. It doesn't have to be a 'thing,' if you'd just—"

"Ok, Maura," Jane interrupted, relieved to see Maura back to herself. "Look!" She pointed at the monitor as Dr. Filer turned it for them to see. "Baby!"

Distraction achieved. It was fuzzy and hard to see, but it was beautiful. One hand was up near its mouth, doing that thing that Maura did when she was thinking about something important. The other lay across its torso. They could see its heartbeat. The doctor shifted the probe around so they could see the baby's legs, curled up with ten perfect toes.

They watched the doctor spend a long time taking measurements, then she finally said, "So, you want to know?" Jane and Maura both nodded enthusiastically. "It's a girl."

* * *

_**A/N:** You may be aware that Elephants won a Rizzles Fan Award for best comedy, and was runner-up for best fluff. I am at once proud and humbled._

_This story wouldn't be nearly as fun to read or write if it weren't for the constant cheering of living-on-borrowed-crime. Seriously, she watches me write. It's kind of creepy, but comforting at the same time. J9tigger is my pregnancy guru, who is always there with a new fun idea to write about. And jadetigerlily serves as my 'fresh eyes' before posting, in case anything gets overlooked._

_Thank you so much to everyone who voted for Elephants, everyone who has reviewed or commented, and everyone who has taken the time to read even a little bit of it. Your support means the world, and it encourages me to write more!_

_I had some personal things to deal with the last couple of weeks, but things should be getting back to normal. I may not be able to update as often as I was at the beginning, but I'll do my best. Your fluffy ideas inspire me, so don't hold back!_


	14. Chapter 14

Nearing the end of the work day, the Division One Cafe was typically quiet. Nobody wanted coffee or food just before they went home, and the night shift wouldn't be arriving for another hour or so. Angela usually took this time to do some organizing, cleaning, and inventory, then she'd place her orders for the following day. It was as close to relaxed as Angela's work day got, and when she did have customers, they would be there to talk, not to eat. Sometimes she felt more like a bartender than a waitress, chatting with these late-afternoon customers about their days and whatever might be troubling them. So when Jane walked in, a little waddle to her step, Angela figured she wanted to talk about something important.

"Ma, do you have any fried chicken?" Jane ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it away from her face. Angela noticed that Jane's hair had become a little less curly, but thicker. Her daughter was beautiful pregnant. "I'm dyin' for some Popeye's." She was still a little crude, though.

"Sorry, sweetie, all that's left is some coleslaw and a couple'a stale donuts. You want one'a those?"

"Nah, thanks anyway. I'll just pick up some chicken on the way home." Jane took a seat at one of the high tables, so Angela came around to sit with her. "Ma, I gotta ask you a favor."

"What is it, sweetie?" A lot had changed since Angela had last given birth, but she was excited to be able to help with her daughter's pregnancy. Being a grandmother was the best of both worlds, Angela figured, based on her time with TJ: she got to take care of the baby regularly, smell his little baby powder smell and hear his happy little gurgles, but she got to rest peacefully at the end of the day and had none of the pain of childbirth. "You want me to go to one of those Lamaze classes with you?"

"Ma! No!" Jane leaned back and held her hands up to defend against the mental image of herself in medical stirrups, with her mother beside her. "Maura would do that anyway, but we haven't—nevermind, can we _not _talk about labor please?"

Angela laid her hand flat on the table and leaned in, as if she were telling a juicy secret. "Labor is a beautiful thing, Janie. It hurts like hell, but it's beautiful."

Jane crouched down in her chair. "Please, Ma, just stop."

"It's going to happen, whether you like it or not. You'd better get used to the idea."

"I know, Ma, I know. I'd just rather not think about it right now."

"Well then, what's this favor you need?"

"There's this sale at one of those baby stores today, but I have to work late. Maura wants to find a crib and a changing table. Can you—"

What a silly question; of course Angela would love to go baby shopping. "Yes! I'll go with her."

Jane laughed at Angela's enthusiastic reply. "Great, thanks. But not too much pink, ok, Ma? At least not until the kid is old enough to decide if she even _likes_ pink. And don't bully Maura into any canopy cribs or anything. _She's_ the mommy."

Angela was still getting used to this 'two mommies' arrangement. "And what does that make you?"

"I'm the mommy who doesn't like shopping," Jane replied flatly. She got up to leave, but stopped when she remembered, "Oh, and one other thing. We're gonna start decorating the baby's room soon, and we wanna move the bed out of the guest room and into the office in the guest house. Tommy and Frankie are going to help us move this weekend. Ok?"

"Of course." Angela thought for a moment, mentally inventorying the spaces in Maura's house. She was obviously missing something. "But, Jane, where will you sleep?"

"Huh?"

"If you're turning the guest room into the baby's room, where will you sleep?"

Jane's head cocked and her eyes narrowed. "I sleep with Maura, Ma."

Angela's brain got hung-up on the phrasing. Jane said 'I sleep with Maura,' not 'I _will _sleep with Maura.' Continuing the thought, even though there was an empty bed, Jane _preferred_ to sleep with Maura.

Armed with this new information, Angela scanned through her memories. Jane had always been a naturally _physical_ person. She was comfortable in her own skin and acutely aware of personal space. When she was a child, Jane used that to her advantage to intimidate the bullies who tried to pick on her brothers. Angela supposed she used it as an adult to intimidate criminals. Jane was very protective of her own personal space, too. She would always squirm when Angela tried to hug her. She'd become even more protective during her pregnancy. But Maura had always been the exception to that. Come to think of it, around Maura, it was like Jane had no boundaries at all. They'd sit right up next to one another on the couch, even when there was plenty of space to spread out. And Maura didn't seem to mind when Jane touched her, either, even though Maura tended to keep herself pretty guarded around everyone else. Jane would swat at Maura like she was marking her territory, and Maura would just smile and do whatever Jane asked.

There was definitely something special between the two of them, but Angela had always assumed it was a close friendship. Of course, Jane had always been annoyed when Angela tried to set her up on dates with perfectly handsome young men. And she hadn't been very social when she was in school, either, despite her good looks. Casey was the only man she ever seemed to get along with, and that didn't last two full months of actual dating. Suddenly, when viewed in this new light, her daughter made sense. Angela was beginning to understand, but why hadn't Jane simply told her she wasn't attracted to men years ago, and saved her the trouble of all that matchmaking? Had Angela missed or misunderstood some big coming-out announcement along the way? She was Jane's mother, for heaven's sake, didn't she deserve to be told unambiguously that her daughter was a lesbian?

Angela was starting to get a little annoyed that she had to put the pieces together like this. Of all the ways to tell your mother you're gay, Jane picked, 'I'm sleeping with Maura,' and was looking at her like she was an idiot for not knowing all along. Angela huffed and put her hands on her hips. "Jane, if you're trying to tell me that you and Maura are a couple—"

"What? No! We don't _sleep_ together, we just... _sleep_ together. Like, _sleeping_." Jane waited, but Angela was still eyeing her. "I'm not _gay_, Ma."

Well, now Angela didn't know what to think. She scratched her cheek. "Are you sure?"

"Geez! Yes!"

Angela was not convinced. She returned to wiping down the counter. "Because it's very _in_ to be lesbian these days."

"Ma!"

"I'm just saying, if you and Maura wanted to, you'd make a very attractive couple."

"Ma! Enough. We're not."

"Fine, Janie, whatever you say." Angela was not at all convinced, but she knew that Jane liked to win. And if she wasn't ready to come out to her mother, Angela wasn't going to push her. One of these days, though, Jane would have to bite the bullet and admit it. She wasn't getting any younger, and a looker like Maura wasn't going to wait forever.

Angela slipped her hands into her apron pockets and felt a folded piece of paper she had almost forgotten about. "Oh, by the way, here's a list of names I thought of today."

Jane took the list from Angela and started reading aloud. "Marie? No. Felicia? NO. Amolia, seriously?"

"That was my grandmother's name, they called her Molly."

"Alright, maybe Molly. Suzanne, no. Michelle, no. Josephine? Ma, we're not naming the baby the same thing as my _dog_, and no to Lucy. But thank you for playing. I can't wait to see tomorrow's list," Jane deadpanned.

"Really, Janie, if you and Maura—"

Jane put her hand to her pocket, pretending her phone was vibrating. "Oh, phone call, gotta go, Ma, see you later." Jane rushed away with a smile creeping onto her face, and pushed the down button on the elevator.

* * *

Maura drove Angela out to this big swanky furniture store in the suburbs. They were having a sale on children's furniture, and Maura had something specific in mind, but couldn't seem to find what she was looking for. She wandered around the store running her fingers over each item, while Angela trailed behind, not being nearly as much use as she had hoped.

"What are we looking for, honey?" Maura had explained in the car that she wanted a crib, a changing table, and a rocking chair. But there were hundreds of each here, and none of them seemed to be good enough for Dr. Isles. Maybe if Angela could get an idea of what style, at least, she could point out a few attractive options.

"Oh, you know..." Maura trailed off as something caught her eye, then as she got closer she apparently decided there was something wrong with it, and she moved on. "Something well-crafted, safe, attractive..."

"This one looks nice," Angela suggested a pine crib with one side that was, according to the tag, 'easy to drop.' Internally, Angela scoffed at the need to slide one side of a crib down. Kids these days need all sorts of complicated setups.

Maura turned to look at the piece, then looked up at Angela and scrunched her nose. "That's... not really what I'm looking for."

It was clear that Angela's motherly expertise was not going to be utilized on this occasion. A little put-out that Jane had asked her to go along when Maura clearly didn't need a second opinion, Angela decided to put her time to good use. With Maura as distracted as she was, Angela could have a little fun, and maybe get some information that Jane was reluctant to tell. She started ignoring the furniture and just followed Maura around, asking questions.

"So, Dr. Isles, are your mom and dad excited to be grandparents?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, I suppose so. They're planning a visit for shortly after the baby arrives."

"What last name is the baby going to have? Is she going to be a Rizzoli or an Isles?" Maura didn't answer right away, so Angela continued, "I suppose if you and Jane were to get married," Maura stopped dead in her tracks, "you could hyphenate your names. Rizzoli-Isles, or Isles-Rizzoli." At this, Maura turned around slowly. Angela had her attention now.

Maura seemed to be carefully considering her answer, as if she were hiding something and didn't want to give anything away. But Angela knew that if she could ask the right questions, Maura couldn't lie. Unfortunately, Maura skirted the interrogation this time, "The baby will be a Rizzoli. We may use Isles as a middle name." Then she turned around, flipped her hair, and continued browsing.

Angela tried again. "It's awfully generous of you to volunteer to be a mother to your _friend's_ baby." Angela caught up with Maura and stood in front of her, blocking her way. "Not just any _friend_ would do that."

Maura gulped and replied. "I didn't volunteer, she asked." Maura scooted around Angela toward the far corner of the showroom.

Angela pulled out the big guns. "Are you going to help Jane with perineal massage? It's very important and many women can't do it themselves." She was purposely trying to make Maura uncomfortable by bringing up something the prim doctor surely considered too intimate for a public conversation.

Maura was backed up against a wall now. She lowered her chin and crossed her arms, clearly not appreciating the third degree.

Angela didn't care if Maura appreciated her questions. Sometimes mothers had to go to great lengths to get information out of their daughters. Maura would need to learn that sooner or later, and who better to teach her than her own mother in law? Angela crossed _her_ arms and raised her chin, looking down her nose in challenge.

Maura gave in. "Despite my medical degree, I don't think Jane would be comfortable asking me to do that." Then she found a side route out of the furniture store maze.

That wasn't the answer Angela was expecting at all. She had been so sure they were... _you know_... but Maura made it sound like, if they were a couple at all, they hadn't yet... _you know_. Maybe Jane was being stubborn about it. Maybe she hadn't told Maura how she felt yet. Maybe she didn't know if Maura felt the same way.

Well, that would be easy to figure out. Angela set off after Maura, still wandering the showroom looking for the perfect crib. "A young man came into the cafe yesterday, Maura." (Angela could conjure eligible young men at the drop of a hat.) "He was tall, dark, and handsome, and he looked very smart. He said he was a doctor. And unattached. Just your age, too." Maura didn't seem to be paying attention, so Angela threw out the kicker. "I gave him your phone number, I hope you don't mind. I thought you'd want to go out with him on a date."

Maura spun around, her hair flying. "You _WHAT?_" Her hands were out, reaching to the heavens for help. Angela had seen Jane do this countless times. It just meant her strategy was working. "I don't want to go on a date with some man you met in the cafe!"

"But he's _perfect_ for you, Maura!" Angela's face was serious, but inside she was smiling.

"I promise you, he's not. Whoever he is, whatever he does, no matter what he looks like. _He _is not perfect for me." Maura paused, hearing what she just said, then took a breath to calm herself and try to recover. "I'll appreciate if you didn't give my number out to strangers." Then she turned and walked away, leaving Angela quite pleased with herself. Despite her frustration, Maura found the perfect crib not three minutes later.

So it seemed to Angela that Jane and Maura were in love, but neither wanted to admit it. Turned out both women found what they were looking for in that furniture store.

* * *

Maura was silent on the drive home, hoping that Angela hadn't understood what Maura was trying not to say. But of course she had. As Maura pulled into the driveway and put the car in park, Angela laid her hand over Maura's on the gearshift and broke the silence. "She loves you too, you know. I can see it. She's never been so... at ease... as when she's with you."

Maura looked over at Angela, despite the tears forming. Angela brought their hands to her heart and continued, "But she can be so stubborn, my Janie." She paused, then nodded when she said, "_Our_ Janie." Then she squeezed Maura's hand and finished, "She might need your help realizing it. You understand?"

Maura bit her lip and nodded, so Angela let go of her hand and reached into her purse for some tissues. "Now let's clean you up so she doesn't think I was picking on you _all _night." She found them and handed one over with a smile. "You're gonna be fine, honey. You'll see."

* * *

Jane had finally gotten her fried chicken and had a few pieces in the car on the way home. But once that craving was sated, she started thinking about a grilled cheese sandwich. It was almost ready when Maura and Angela arrived, visibly exhausted from their shopping trip. Maura put her keys and bag down and Angela gave her a little shove toward the kitchen. Jane pulled out a stool for her and rubbed her back while she sat.

Satisfied with the way things were going, Angela gave Maura and Jane a peck on the cheek, and Jane pat on the belly (earning a small growl at the invasion of her personal space), and said goodnight to her three girls. Then she winked at Maura as she exited to the guest house.

Jane wasn't sure what had transpired on that shopping trip, but she could tell something went down. Following her mother's lifelong example, Jane decided to use food to grease the wheels of conversation, and returned to the stove. "Did you eat? You want some grilled cheese? Or some chicken?" She nodded to the greasy bucket on the counter, then cut her sandwich in half and put it on a plate for them to share. Then she put that, the bucket of chicken, and a stack of paper napkins in front of Maura. "How about some wine? You look like you could use a glass. Shopping with my mother wasn't completely awful, was it? Should I have let you go by yourself?"

Maura smiled and raised an eyebrow, "I could have used some wine back at the store."

"Oooh, that bad, huh?" Jane poured the wine for Maura and filled a glass of water for herself. "What did she do, pick out the worst thing there? Or did she haggle with the salesperson? Just tell me whatever you got isn't bright pink, please." Jane used a hand on Maura's back for balance as she perched on the other stool.

Maura held the wine glass in both hands, but didn't take a sip. "She tried to set me up with some guy she met in the cafe." Jane's face fell for a second before she looked away. She tried to hide her dismay by taking a bite of the sandwich, but Maura saw it. She went on, hoping to make it better. "I blew up at her, Jane, I may have overreacted. But I think I made it clear that I don't want her setting me up on dates. I'm not interested in dating." Maura waited for Jane to make eye contact. "I'd rather be with you."

Jane swallowed and let her smile grow. "Really?" Maura nodded happily. "Good, because if you brought that guy home I prolly woulda punched his lights out, just on principle."

"Oh, Jane, you wouldn't."

"Mhmm," she nodded as she took another bite and talked with her mouth full. "I would. And I'd give Ma a piece of my mind, too, but it sounds like you already did that."

Maura finally sipped her wine and relaxed a bit. "I did." She shook her head in wonder. "She is incredibly persistent. You don't think we're going to be that way with our daughter, do you?"

"I hope not. But you know she thinks she's doing the right thing, she's just annoying as hell about it. Oh, that reminds me, she keeps giving me lists of baby names, and I hate them ALL."

"We'll find the right one, don't worry." Maura tried her half of the grilled cheese. Despite the saturated fat, or maybe because of it, it was the perfect comfort food.

"Maybe we should just call her Dumbo," Jane suggested.

Maura stopped chewing and stared blankly.

"Like the elephant?" Jane stared down at her plate. Maybe Maura didn't remember. "Just until we pick a real name, I mean."

Maura swallowed, considering. "That name doesn't seem very charitable. There was an elephant called Dumbo?"

Jane looked up, aghast at the holes she kept uncovering in Maura's childhood experience. "Yeah, he could fly! Oh man, we're renting that movie tomorrow."

"Well," Maura wiped her fingers on a paper napkin and suggested, "if you want to name her after an elephant, perhaps Betty the Learned Elephant would be a more appropriate choice. She was the first trained elephant in the United States, and she toured the Eastern seaboard from 1822 to 1826." Maura paused, debating whether to add Betty's tragic demise. "Her trainer claimed she was so spectacular, she could withstand a bullet. He was wrong."

Jane scowled. "No, we're not calling our kid 'Betty,' even if it is just until we find a real name."

Maura thought a moment, then suggested, "What about 'Echo'? She was a wild elephant in East Africa, the matriarch of the elephant family studied in the Amboseli Elephant Research Project. She was a remarkable leader."

"How do you _know_ this stuff?"

Maura shrugged. "She was featured on _Nature_."

Jane chuckled and patted the baby. "Ok, 'Echo' it is."

They sat in silence a moment while Maura finished her half of the sandwich and peeled the crust off a piece of chicken. Then Jane remembered the point of the shopping trip. "Did you manage to get some furniture?"

"Oh! Yes!" Maura covered her mouth with her hand while she chewed, wiped her hands again, and got the catalog out of her purse. She flipped to the bookmarked page of the set she chose and set it on the island for Jane to see. "I bought the whole set. Crib, changing table, dresser, rocking chair, bookshelf..." It was a deep mahogany with clean lines and fine craftsmanship. It was the kind of set that got passed down through generations. "They'll deliver it next week."

"This looks expensive, Maura. Are you sure-"

"Don't worry about the price, Jane. She's worth every penny. Echo." Maura paused to smile at the new name. She rested her arm on the back of Jane's stool. "Besides, it was on sale, and it was a gift from my parents. They want her to have the best."

Jane looked up at Maura, wondering if this was really the case. She wouldn't put it past Maura to try to lie to make Jane more comfortable with money. But Jane detected no hives, so she wrapped an arm around Maura's waist and pulled her in. Jane's head was at just the right height to rest on Maura's chest.

Maura's hand moved from the chair to cradle Jane's head, her fingers weaving through Jane's hair. She added, "They love her." Maura promised herself that one day soon she'd have the courage to say what she really meant.

Jane closed her eyes, focusing on the beating of Maura's heart, her gentle sway, and the sound of her breathing. Her mind wandered back to another night when family had exhausted them both, the night they found out about the baby. Maura had said something... _I want this, you and me sitting together after a long day, for the rest of our lives._ It sounded strange to Jane at the time, but at this moment it sounded perfect.


	15. Chapter 15

_Jane and Maura were running the Boston marathon. Jane was running as hard as she could, but Angela passed them. Then Tommy passed them, too. Along the sidelines, Casey pointed and laughed. Maura was trying to get her to go faster, but when she looked down she saw that she was running through sticky mud. Eventually Maura gave up and sprinted ahead. Jane looked behind her and saw her father gaining._

* * *

Jane tried not to move too much when she woke. She just lay there wondering if she would ever sleep soundly again. She couldn't blame the dreams entirely on the baby; she'd had her share of nightmares before. But these were different. They were getting weirder. And while not overtly nightmarish—Hoyt was conspicuously missing—they were often troubling. The part that bothered her about this one was Maura. She couldn't shake the feeling that this was her subconscious telling her she had somehow let Maura down.

Jane propped her head up to see Maura sleeping next to her. She looked so peaceful, so content. She was on her back, her hands resting on her stomach and her hair splayed out on the pillow. Her head was tilted a little bit toward Jane, as if she were listening for something. Jane watched her chest rise and fall with each breath. She wanted to reach out, cover one of Maura's hands with her own, to see if that would make her unease melt away.

But the sunlight was just beginning to peek through the windows and Jane knew that if she woke Maura now, neither of them would be able to get back to sleep before the alarm rang. Instead of depriving her friend of some much-needed rest, Jane opted to get up and try to forget the dream. It was just a dream anyway.

As Jane slowly and carefully rose, Jo lifted her head, her tags tinkling. The little dog opted to stay put, apparently comfortable right where she was, nestled against Maura's calf. Jane felt a twinge of jealousy, but kept moving. Maura stirred at the noise and reached one arm out to where Jane had been, her palm up, fingers curled as if waiting for Jane to hand her something. Or, Jane thought, waiting for someone to pin her down with a scalpel.

Jane's knees weakened and she leaned against the wall a moment. Her fingers traced the middle of Maura's palm, where a scar would be, confirming that none was there. Then her eyes moved to Maura's neck and the thin line Jane had failed to intercept. She felt the urge to kiss it, to try to make it disappear, along with all the memories of that day, to somehow make it better, to make it like it had never happened. Jane's eyes closed tightly and when she took a deep breath, Maura's fingers closed over hers, bringing her back to reality.

"Jane," Maura murmured, eyes still closed.

"It's ok, Maur, go back to sleep." Jane extracted her hand and replaced it with a pillow. She watched Maura turn on her side to hug it. Maura's breath evened out again and Jane left, hoping to avoid waking her again.

She lingered in the hallway, considered taking a few jabs at her punching bag, but ended up in the baby's room instead. They had cleaned it out and painted the previous weekend. It was easy to agree on decor: Maura found an artsy photograph of a baby elephant that they pulled colors from. They painted the walls a pale yellow like the dry grass, and used a warm gray for the accents, to pick up the elephant's wrinkly skin. Then they had other photos of baby elephants with adult females to put up around the room.

Jane smiled, remembering how Maura had stressed that they be consistent in using photos of only African elephants, not Asian elephants, so as not to confuse Echo. There were striking differences in morphology, Maura had explained. For example, in African elephants, both males and females have tusks. Jane tried to remember the other differences and identify them in the photographs, as if she were studying for an exam. African elephants had bigger ears. They were overall bigger. Asian elephants had two big humps on the tops of their heads, while African elephants' heads were more rounded. And African elephants had two 'fingers' at the end of their trunks, while Asian elephants only had one. Dumbo and Echo were African elephants.

The rest of Maura's house was decidedly grown-up. She had decorative vases, expensive art, and everything was in its place. Like Maura herself, her house was always well put-together. And yet it was anything but sterile. It was warm and inviting, comfortable. Homey. Perfect. This room fit in with the rest of the house. It was elegant and cozy at the same time. Echo would be happy here.

The baby furniture had been delivered a couple of days earlier, but because of work they hadn't had time to assemble it yet. Jane figured this was as good a time as any to get started, so she pulled out the biggest box and began.

Ten minutes and two trips to the 'odds and ends' closet later, Jane had all the pieces spread out on the floor, and her toolbox ready to go. At the top of the instructions, it said in capital letters, "DO NOT USE POWER TOOLS." Jane scoffed. She had a cordless DeWalt that would be perfect for this. And the battery was fully charged. This beauty was going to get drilled. Jane snickered. _That's what she said. _

"Step one. Set up four platform panels." Jane identified and arranged the pieces. "Step two. Assemble the platform. Boy, you guys don't beat around the bush, do ya?" Jane picked out the indicated wood dowels (H7), cam bolts (H8), and cam locks (H9) from her pile of hardware, and tinkered until she had them all in the right places, and the cam locks tightened. "So far so good.

"Next, step three, attach back panels to side panels." The picture showed the pieces she needed. "I get that you're going for brevity, here, but a little more description never killed anybody." Jane looked at her belly as if it were an audience. "And I should know, right?" This assembly called for 2-1/4" allen head bolts (H3) and lock washers (H12), but she couldn't tell H3 from H4, 1-3/4" allen head bolts, right away. "Why can't they just all use the same size?" Jane grumbled, but got them all sorted and the side panels attached.

"Step four. Attach the left and right brackets... to spring frame... using H11, H6, H13, and H14. Shit." The words became a jumble. Maybe it was lack of coffee at an early hour, maybe it was baby brain, maybe it was just poorly worded instructions, but whatever it was, it was too much. Jane was frustrated. She flipped through the rest of the pages. There were ten steps; she hadn't even gotten through a third of them. She felt her breaths getting rapid and shallow, a hallmark (she had learned over the past few months) of an impending crying fit. To top it off, Jane got mad at herself for getting upset over a stupid piece of paper. The tears began.

She didn't know how long she had been there, crying and swearing, heels of her hands at her forehead, before she heard Maura's voice from the doorway. "Jane?"

"Fuck." Jane wiped her eyes and sniffed to clear her nose. Jane knew it was a hormonal thing, these crying bouts she'd been having, but it was still embarrassing. She usually managed to keep them private. She hated the idea of Maura having to comfort her any more than she already did. The last thing Jane wanted to be was a sloppy mess for Maura to put back together. But in this case, there was no hiding what was going on. The best she could do was try to recover herself and get on with her day. She swallowed and tried to smile. "Hey, Maur."

Maura's head tilted as she surveyed the scene: Jane sat cross-legged, a crying mess, in the middle of the room, surrounded by pieces of crib and piles of hardware. And she had been crying over baby furniture. It was at least a little bit comical, and Maura cracked a sympathetic smile. "What's going on?"

"I can't." The waterworks began again, and Jane's hands went flying. "I can't put this fucking thing together!" Maura couldn't help but burst out laughing. At least she had the compassion to try to cover it with her hand. "Great. And now you're laughing at me. Thanks. Our kid is going to have to sleep on the floor, and you're laughing."

Maura calmly cleared a place on the floor for herself. She sat, her legs out wide, straddling Jane behind and to the side, and wrapped her arms around Jane's shoulders. She kissed Jane's shoulder, looked up sweetly, and said, "Sorry for laughing."

Jane calmed a little, and wiped her eyes. "I don't think I'm cut out for this, Maur."

"It's ok."

Jane did a double-take. "No it's not. You bought this beautiful furniture set and the least I could do is put it together so she..." Jane's voice trailed off as Maura planted more kisses on her shoulder, her back, wherever her lips would reach.

"It's ok," she murmured, her breath warm on Jane's skin.

"It's ok?"

Maura nodded and batted her eyelashes. "We have at least four more months before she's born."

"But-"

"And even then, she can sleep with us for as long as she needs to."

"Really?"

"The latest articles suggest that we'll both be better-rested if she sleeps with us while she's nursing more frequently, for at least six months after birth."

"So we really have ten months."

Maura nodded again and somehow managed to keep a straight face when she said, "Do you think if we were to work together, we could get it done in that time?"

Jane leveled her eyes. Maura really was getting better at sarcasm. "I don't know, Maura, there's like a million pieces here. It might take a full year."

Maura smiled and kissed her shoulder once more. "Good. Then we can come back to it later." Then she let go and stood, holding a hand out to help Jane get up. "It's time for breakfast."

* * *

Jane and Maura had spent the better part of their day working together to assemble the furniture, but they got it all done. The only notable event was when Maura stole the battery to Jane's power drill to keep her from ignoring the capitalized warning. Maura had hidden the battery behind her back, just out of Jane's reach, and a minor amount of tickling was in order. Working together on this project was definitely preferable to doing it solo.

Still, it was an exhausting activity for their day off, and nothing sounded better than curling up for a long sleep. Unfortunately, even after lying in bed for a couple of hours, Jane could not get comfortable. She was starting to resent the baby for the lack of sleep. Her back ached, her feet were swollen, and her belly no longer fit inside the curve of Maura's back. Jane tugged at Maura's hip, trying to get her to move closer, but it just wasn't physically possible.

"Jane." Maura was groggy and her voice gravelly. Jane's shifting was keeping her up, too. She scooted over, then rolled onto her back so she could make eye contact through heavy lids. "Why don't you try your other side?"

"What?" Jane rolled onto her back and hefted herself up on elbows.

"Turn over." Maura's hand flailed in a weak imitation of a dog command. "Snuggle left."

"But—"

"Come on. I'll come with you." Maura pushed Jane's shoulder, trying to tip her to the left.

Jane yielded a little, but fatigue had sapped Maura's strength; Jane remained on her back. "But I'm the _big_ spoon."

"What?" Maura squinted, as if being able to see more clearly would help her understand.

"_I'm_ the big spoon."

Maura yawned. "Why?"

"Because. I'm the guy."

Maura sat up and rubbed her eyes. Vision cleared, her eyes raked over Jane's swollen breasts and large belly, then rested a hand on the baby for emphasis. "Really," she intoned sardonically. "You're a guy."

"You know what I mean, Maura. Between the two of us, I'm the guy. I'm the one who likes sports and you're the one who likes shopping. I'm rude and sarcastic, you're sweet and pretty. _I_ protect _you_. And I'm taller. I'm the guy."

Maura blinked a few times. "Gender stereotypes are overly simplistic generalizations that stifle individuality. You should let _me_ protect _you_ sometimes." She quickly rubbed Jane's belly to try to get her to move. "Come on. Stop being obtuse and try it. You might like it."

Jane reluctantly turned over and Maura scooted up behind her, molding herself into Jane's back and pulling the sheet up over them both. Her right arm wrapped around and her fingers teased the skin next to Jane's navel.

"How's that?"

"Mmm," Jane grumbled. "It's ok, I guess." (It was more than ok, but Jane wasn't going to admit that to Maura.)

"Ok?" Maura smiled. She liked being right. "You think you'll be able to sleep?"

"I'll try."

"Ok. Goodnight, Jane."

"Goodnight." Jane closed her eyes and focused on the fingertips dancing on her skin. She began to relax, but before sleep overcame her, Maura's hand withdrew and moved to her head, smoothing the hair away from Jane's temple and tucking it behind her ear. She continued down the back of Jane's neck, gathering the hair aside, then stopped.

Jane's head was getting heavy; she could feel sleep drifting closer and closer until there was another small movement behind her. Ever so gently, Maura's lips touched down behind Jane's ear. Once, then they hovered a moment, and once more, before Maura's head rested on the pillow.

Jane waited a moment to find out if anything else would happen, but Maura was still. Slowly, so as not to startle her, Jane turned her head slightly. She wanted to see... something. She didn't know what. She just wanted to see Maura's face.

Despite Jane's efforts, she did startle Maura. "I'm sorry, I—I thought you were asleep." Maura pulled herself back and sat up, ashamed at letting herself slip.

But Jane took her hand and pulled her back in. "No, it's ok. I mean, it's ok, it's... it's ok if you want to do that." Jane blinked rapidly. "It's nice."

Maura swallowed nervously. "But. Friends don't do that. Do they?"

"No. But." Jane shrugged. "We can. If you want to."

The corners of Maura's mouth turned up in a hesitant smile that Jane mirrored. "Ok."

Jane pulled her back down to snuggle left. Maura kissed Jane's neck once more, then wrapped her arm around Jane's waist and said, "Goodnight."


	16. Chapter 16

Maura woke with her nose between Jane's shoulder blades. The reversal of their usual positions was the only evidence to suggest that Jane's approval of her stolen kisses the night before hadn't been just a vivid and wonderful dream. Armed with this permission, she could do it again that morning, hold her close and plant kisses on every inch of exposed skin until Jane woke, then kiss her smile, too. But Maura doubted herself, and doubted her memory. Despite the kissable way Jane's shoulder peeked out from under the strap of her tank top, and that her hair didn't even pretend to want to get in the way, Maura decided to play it safe.

The day was full of tentative smiles and furtive glances, on Maura's side at least. It was a work day, and Maura knew nothing would happen outside the privacy of their home, but still she kept looking for some sort of sign that something had changed between them. As awkward as Maura felt, trying to figure out what (if anything) she was allowed to do, Jane appeared unmoved and unaffected. Maura was desperate for any little touch, Jane's fingers on her elbow, a hand on her shoulder, _something_. Even in the kitchen that morning, there was no friendly, 'Oops, we both reached for that mug at the same time.' Maura silently cursed herself for buying a house with a kitchen large enough for two people to move around comfortably without bumping into one another. Dinner was the same way. They talked about work and other people. Nothing significant.

Maura had almost given up hope and accepted that it had, in fact, only been a dream, when they settled in for the night. Jane watched Maura turn out the light, then turned away, on her side. Maura paused, trying to be happy with a snuggle (which had been everything to her, just a few weeks prior), when Jane looked back over her shoulder. She lifted her head and pulled her hair over to the side, then turned away again, exposing her neck. For good measure, her hand passed over the skin there, and nudged the strap of her tank top down over her shoulder. Permission granted, this time unmistakably.

Maura lost count of how many kisses she planted on Jane's neck and shoulder. Several went to her jawline, including one to her right mandibular process, several more to her trapezius, at least five along her clavicle, one to the suprasternal notch, and Maura's fingers tugged on that strap as she placed several more to all sides of her shoulder. When she looked up, wondering if she had been just a touch too eager, she saw Jane's eyes had closed and her procerus and orbicularis oculi had relaxed. A hint of a satisfied smile graced her mouth. Maura imagined what it would be like to spend all night kissing every inch of her.

Perhaps sensing Maura's eyes (instead of lips) on her, Jane turned to look at Maura again. Her expression changed so quickly that Maura didn't have time to interpret it. All she knew was in the several moments they held each other's eyes, Maura grew worried. It wasn't going to be that easy. She bit her lower lip.

Finally, Jane swallowed and broke eye contact, her eyes raking over Maura like Maura had only imagined they might. Jane took a few breaths and looked at her own hands, her fingers intertwined, palms up. "I don't want to hurt you."

Maura didn't understand, and she wasn't sure she wanted to. "Then don't."

Jane turned away again and pulled Maura's arm around her waist, then pretended to fall asleep.

And that was that. Jane had drawn up her borders and Maura didn't dare cross them again. Jane clearly didn't want anything more than friendship from Maura. It was a mistake, she decided, to push Jane like that, and she wouldn't risk making her friend uneasy a third time.

* * *

A week later, both women were lacking in sleep and in comfort, but neither was willing to admit it. They were both resolved to pretend nothing had happened, preferring to preserve their friendship at the cost of their own happiness. Maura wasn't very good at hiding her sadness, and Jane could see how dejected she felt. This only made Jane feel more guilty for the way she had acted, and although she had tried to cheer Maura by offering to go shopping over the weekend, all she got was, "No thanks, I'm just going to go for a run." Jane was hoping this morning's victim and his stomach contents would help.

Maura picked up the number 10 scalpel, ready to begin the internal examination. She paused, as she always did, and looked into his face. Jane was used to this moment, and she imagined Maura was offering up her version of a prayer. It reminded Jane of how she'd heard native hunters would apologize to their kill, and thank the deer or antelope or whatever for helping to feed their family. Jane imagined that Maura was apologizing for what she was about to do, and thanking him for whatever information his body held that would help them find his killer.

Years of immersion therapy, watching Maura make the Y incision with her trusty number 10, helped Jane to see it as merely an object, and not a source of danger. Maura handled it delicately, with reverence to the damage it could do to a living being. She had steady hands and the confidence that came with using her tools on a daily basis. It was the same with Jane's gun, she realized: they were inanimate objects, and when handled with the proper care, by the proper people, they would do no harm.

Jane had always loved to watch Maura do her autopsies. Most detectives didn't bother, opting to just wait for the written report, but Jane always made a point to be there while Maura dissected the body. Initially, it was because Jane believed it gave her a better feel for the victim, and that by observing she might pick up on something that seemed insignificant at first, but turned out to be important to the case. Of course, Jane soon learned that Maura's autopsy reports were so impeccable that even Crowe could solve a case armed with Maura's evidence. But still, Jane insisted on being present.

After working together for a few cases, they developed a rapport—no, more than a rapport, a partnership—that resulted in the highest conviction rate in the state. They learned to communicate through body language and eye contact and to think together. It wasn't like what people described as 'sharing a brain,' because they didn't always think along the same lines. Their connection was more complementary, so that when one of them got stuck on something, the other could fill in the blank. It wasn't just Maura, and it wasn't just Jane. It was the two together.

Maura pulled back the skin, noted a thick layer of subcutaneous fat, and put on her face shield. Before picking up the bone saw, she nodded at Jane. _Ready? _With that simple cue, Jane donned her face shield and nodded back. _Ready._ Jane watched Maura cut into each rib, one at a time. Each rib, plus the sternum, had to be severed before the entire breastplate was free and could be separated from the chest cavity. Maura had once explained that the breastplate is connected to the rest of the body at several places, and while each connection is not exceptionally strong (in fact, the cartilage makes them flexible enough to expand and contract for breathing), together they are able to protect the vital organs inside. It played like a cautionary tale to Jane: sometimes many flexible tethers are stronger than one. Despite their recent disconnect in the bedroom, Jane and Maura still had a strong working partnership.

When Maura had finished with the saw, Jane asked, "Do you ever think about us, Maur?"

When Maura looked up, her face was unreadable. She took a moment and then smiled, but it didn't reach all the way up to her eyes. "All the time." Then she went back to her work, without elaborating further.

Jane knew it wasn't necessary for her to be there for the whole autopsy. Sometimes she would skip out early and begin her investigation, if cause of death was obvious and she had other leads to chase down. But when she could, she preferred to watch the whole thing. The time they spent together strengthened their connection, made them both better at what they did individually. They tempered one another, so that instead of going to the extremes of logic and intuition, they would meet in the middle.

It was the same outside of work. The truth was that Jane felt stronger when she was with Maura. She felt like she could do more and be better, so long as they were together. She liked who she saw reflected in Maura's eyes, and she wanted to live up to that image. The more time she spent with Maura, the more confident she felt about herself and her choices. Maura was the best thing that ever happened to Jane, and she congratulated herself for having found the courage to ask Maura for help before it was too late and her friend had moved on.

Jane also felt like the more time she spent with Maura, the closer she wanted to be. For instance, at that moment in the morgue, as Maura cut into the abdomen, a tiny part of Jane thought it might be the perfect time to get up, walk over to Maura, and slide an arm around her waist, slipping her fingers under the hem of her scrub top and holding onto her far hip. Jane imagined that might put her close enough to... what? Whisper in her ear? Feel the softness of Maura's cheek on her own? _No_, Jane chided herself, _close enough to kiss her, you idiot_. Close enough to restart what she had so ungracefully put a stop to a week ago.

Maura interrupted her thoughts, "Touching one's face during an autopsy may not be a true biohazard if you haven't already touched the body, but it's a bad habit to develop." Jane's hand snapped down. She had unconsciously been touching her lips. "I can't imagine the latex tastes very good, either."

Jane tried to think of an explanation or an excuse, or just something to say that wasn't _Could you put down that intestine so I can come over there and kiss you?_ But all she did was grunt and cross her arms tightly, in hopes of preventing the development of any other bad biohazard habits.

Of course it wasn't just the _victim's_ guts stopping Jane from acting on her impulses. Jane didn't trust her own instincts anymore, not so long as she was getting overly emotional about every little thing that happened. Maybe that look in Maura's eye she interpreted to mean _I'm yours,_ really meant _you're a good friend_, or _pass the butter_. And the affection Maura had been showing, maybe that was just Maura's way of helping Jane relax, so that the baby wasn't stressed. Maybe Jane was simply noticing these things more because her brain was all out of whack.

But Jane's mind kept wandering back to those hungry kisses. It was hard to deny their intent or implication. Or their effect on Jane. She knew at that moment, and ever since, that she wanted more of them, and not just on her neck and shoulder. She wanted Maura on top of her, Maura's hands and lips and hair everywhere. She wanted to be buried in Maura. And she thought from the way Maura had looked at her that night, like she had been dying of thirst and had finally found an oasis, that's what Maura wanted, too.

No, what was really stopping Jane was the possibility that it was all just some weird pregnancy hormone thing. Like nesting. And crying. Maybe this was Echo's weird way of saying she needed two parents who love each other. And if that was the case, if there would someday be a time when she had to stop loving Maura... to tell her it wasn't real, just a hormone imbalance, and that they had to go back to being friends and co-parents and living together but not sleeping together... Jane imagined how that would feel, and she just couldn't do that to her friend.

So for Maura's sake, Jane had to be the strong one. Her butt would stay glued to that chair and her hands would stay gloved in purple latex. At home, Jane would just have to draw a line somewhere between cuddles and kisses and hope that Maura would be ok with that. Happy, even. If Jane could keep Maura happy and give her the family she wanted, without destroying her heart, then everything would be ok. And if she could just hold on and figure out how to look at Maura and not see a beautiful magnet, if she could forget about how soft her hair was or the way she'd smile when Jane made a stupid joke, then maybe they could be happy together.

Jane looked up just as Maura lifted the heart out of the victim's chest cavity, looked at it for a moment, and then weighed it. "Enlarged heart." Apparently she had been talking this whole time, and Jane had been ignoring her, lost in her own thoughts.

"What causes that?"

"Most commonly high blood pressure or coronary artery disease. I'll examine his blood for coagulants that would require his heart to work harder to pump his blood."

"What else could it be?" Jane was wringing her hands again.

"It could be congenital, or a thyroid disorder. Anemia could also be a factor. I'll know more once his blood work comes back."

"What about love?" Maura froze. "If our victim was in love," Jane clarified, "could that be why his heart is bigger?"

Maura cleared her throat. "Unrequited love carries some stress that may be reflected in the cardiovascular system."

"And requited love?"

Maura lifted the heart out of the scale and began to dissect it. "I don't think I'm the best person to ask about love."

"I think you're the perfect person."

Maura looked up and sighed, frustrated. "Love is a tenuous thing, Jane, it's difficult to even define, let alone identify physiologically."

"I'm talking about true love. Life-long, can't live without them, through good times and bad, eyes for no one else, the kind of love you see in the movies. The kind I thought my parents had until they suddenly didn't anymore."

Maura's hands went out, helplessly. "It would just be my opinion—"

"I want your opinion."

Maura licked her lips and swallowed. She tried to speak scientifically, but Jane could tell it was a struggle. "I think that love lasts if it is built on a strong friendship. A partnership. The ability to communicate effectively. And a strong physical attraction." She pursed her lips and nodded, _satisfied?_

"Me too." Jane gave her a sideways smile and stood up to leave. Before removing her clean gloves and smock, she put both hands on Maura's shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, Maura, you're the best." She left Maura dumbfounded and holding her heart in her hands.


	17. Chapter 17

First, it took Jane what felt like forever to find the phone number. Maura had always handled appointment scheduling, so Jane had to Google it. Then when Jane called, she got this minimally-helpful receptionist. "No, it's not an emergency," Jane clarified, "it's just important that I speak with her right away. She told me I could call anytime." And Little Miss 'are you in labor now' tried to pawn her off on a nurse practitioner before finally saying the doctor would call her back 'as soon as she could.' So Jane was sitting in her cruiser in the parking garage, waiting for the phone to ring. Drumming her fingers and tapping her feet. The phone rang once, but it was only Frost and she didn't want to think about work just yet, so she declined the call. She couldn't figure out if she was bored or nervous or going crazy, but probably all of the above because next thing she knew, she was talking to Echo.

"Don't worry, sweetpea, I'm going to make it right. Your mama deserves much better than the grief I been giving her lately. I just gotta make sure, be certain." Jane rubbed her belly, expecting some sort of response, but getting nothing. "I hope you're not giving me the silent treatment now." The phone rang just then, startling her. She checked the caller ID, then looked back down. "Fine, I don't need you to talk to anyway, I got a fully formed adult human. With a medical degree." She actually stuck her tongue out at her belly.

She took the call. "Hi, Dr. Filer, I just wanted to clarify something we talked about at our last appointment. And... please don't tell Maura about this, ok?"

"Of course, Jane, what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to know," she paused. How could she phrase this? "Well, pregnancy can cause you to think about sex more, right?"

"Yes, many women experience an increase in libido."

"Right, so is that more of a general thing, or can it make you think about someone in particular?"

"I'm not sure I understand your question."

"I been thinking about Maura. And I don't know what she told you, but we're not like that, we're just friends. Or at least we were until recently. I don't know what we are now, but I been thinking about her in a... _more_ than friendly way."

"I see."

"And I wanna know if that's real, or if it's just, like, well this sounds stupid now that I say it out loud, but, if it's just the baby making me feel this way, I don't want to start anything and then end up changing my mind once the baby is born. She'd be..." Jane took a ragged breath. She didn't want to think about it. "It wouldn't be fair to her."

Jane could hear the doctor thinking. Probably she was thinking Jane was crazy. Or an idiot. Finally, she said, "Pregnancy can't make you fall in love. And it can't make you gay, if that's what you're worried about. It just makes you more of who you already are. With wider mood swings."

"So... you're saying I loved her all along, I just didn't realize it."

The doctor chuckled. "I think you've answered your own question, Jane."

"Well, damn. You should be a therapist."

"I'll consider changing professions."

"Less gross factor."

"Fewer babies."

"We're calling her Echo." Jane patted the baby again. "Like the elephant. Just for now."

"She's going to be very happy with you both."

Jane grinned. "Thank you, doctor."

"You're welcome, Jane. And good luck."

After hanging up, Jane poked her belly a little bit. "What, like you knew all along? Don't be smart with me, you're just a fetus, you don't know anything." Now she wiggled around in the seat. "C'mon, wake up! I finally figure out I'm in love, and all you can do is sleep!? This is serious business!"

A knock on her driver's side window startled Jane into dropping her phone. It was Frankie. She opened the door enough to talk to him.

"Hey, Sis, whatcha doin' in there?"

"Nothing, Frankie, just talking to myself."

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Better than fine." She grinned and shook her head. She probably looked like a sap, but she didn't care. "I'm perfect."

Frankie looked at her with wide eyes. "Ok, well, I think they guys are looking for you upstairs. They got a lead on that new vic."

"Ok, but can you help me find my phone?" Jane got out of the car and pointed to the floor of the car. "I can't reach down there anymore."

Frankie shook his head in wonder, but he did it. And just as he bumped his head on the steering wheel, Echo spoke up.

"Thanks, little brother," she said as she took the phone from him. "Hey, gimme your hand." She placed it on her belly so Echo could say hello to her uncle.

He smiled up at Jane when he felt it. "Whoa! She's a kicker, huh?" He shook his head again while Jane just grinned. "I don't know what's got you so happy, Janie, but it looks good on you."

* * *

Jane appeared almost blur-like to Angela when she rushed past the cafe, then impatiently pounded the elevator down button several times. She hopped anxiously from one foot to the other and beat her wrists together. Angela wondered what she was mad about until she caught Jane fixing her hair in the reflection of the cafe window, her eyes sparkling. Jane wasn't mad, she was exhilarated. She was in love. Angela was about to come out and congratulate her daughter on not being a complete fool when Jane gave up waiting for the elevator and took the stairs instead.

* * *

Maura was just covering the body when Jane burst through the swinging morgue doors. Her back was to the door and the first thing she heard, aside from Jane's abrupt stop, was, "God, you're beautiful."

Her breath became shallow and her head became dizzy, so she turned around slowly. "I'm sorry?" (It wasn't that she just wanted to hear it again, though of course she did. She honestly wasn't sure she heard correctly the first time.)

Jane took a few steps toward her, close enough to remove Maura's gloves as she explained, "I'm an idiot. A complete idiot. I'm sorry for what I've put you through." She tossed the gloves in the biohazard waste, and took a step closer, backing Maura up against the autopsy table. She held Maura's hands, rubbed her thumbs over their backs, and continued, "I want to make it up to you. And I want to start by taking you out this weekend."

Maura could feel her jaw drop. She looked down at their hands, then back up to Jane in confusion. She tried to speak, but couldn't find her voice until she cleared it. "Out?"

Jane smiled warmly, "Out. Somewhere special. I'm not sure where yet, but I'll come up with something." When Maura still didn't say anything, Jane's head tilted and she asked, "Do you need time to think about it? Should I come back with flowers and ask again?"

Maura blinked a few times, then said, "Is this what I think it is?" It was still hard to understand or believe what was happening.

"I guess I'm not doing this right." Jane dropped their hands and moved even closer, her baby bump flush against Maura and her hands inching from Maura's waist around to the small of her back. Maura's hands floated for a moment before landing on Jane's shoulders. Her breath hitched when Jane's lips brushed her ear. Jane whispered, "I love you, Maura, and I want to spend the rest of my life making sure you know it. Will you go out with me this weekend?"

Maura let out a kind of whimper as she relaxed into Jane's embrace. Their heads and cheeks pressed together, Maura swallowed, then whispered simply, "Yes."

Jane's fingers squeezed just enough. Maura could feel the smile growing on Jane's face and matched it. She didn't want Jane to ever let go. Eventually her heart began to beat normally again and she pulled back just enough to see Jane's eyes smirking. She was proud of herself. Maura smirked back, gave her head a shake, and said, "What was that first thing you said?"

Jane's eyes narrowed, trying to remember. "I'm sorry?"

"Before that."

She bit her lip. "I'm an idiot?"

"I think it was 'a complete idiot.'"

Jane laughed that deep chuckle and Maura could feel it resonate between them. Jane's eyes sparkled and she admitted again, "I'm a complete idiot."

"Yes," Maura nodded. Then her eyes went to the ceiling and she hinted, "There was something before that, though. When you first walked in."

Jane's brow knit, trying to remember. Or pretending to try, Maura wasn't sure. Either way, Jane got it. She leaned in again and whispered in Maura's ear, "You're beautiful."

Maura's breath hitched again, then she said, "What's that? I didn't quite catch it."

Jane tossed her head back in laughter. "You're beautiful! And you're getting irritatingly good at sarcasm."

"And what was the other thing?"

"I'm a complete idiot."

"No, the last one."

"I love you."

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"You can prove it to me this weekend."

"Good." They just looked at each other, smiling, until Jane's phone buzzed. She reluctantly let go of Maura's waist to see that it was Frost again. She silenced it, then reached up to toy with a lock of Maura's hair. She suddenly understood why, in those Jane Austen movies Maura made her watch, the dashing young men would ask for a lock of their lovers' hair before they took their leave. "I have to go work. You wanna come with me?" She was only half-joking. She didn't want to leave.

"I'll come visit you in a little bit, when my report is ready. But you should go. Detective Frost called here about half an hour ago, looking for you. He said you weren't answering your phone."

"I was busy figuring out what an idiot I am."

"A complete idiot."

Jane grinned again, then turned to leave. Maura stopped her just as she reached the door. "Jane?" She looked back over her shoulder. "I love you, too." Maura saw Jane do a fist pump as she walked down the hallway to the elevator.


	18. Chapter 18

Angela leaned her hip against the counter, her arms crossed. She didn't even try to hide the fact that she was watching her daughter and her future daughter-in-law (or so Angela predicted) making eyes at one another. They weren't even talking. At least not with their mouths. It almost looked like they were talking with their eyes. And what they were saying was indecent. Angela grinned devilishly.

She slowly sauntered up to their table and waited to be noticed. She took out her notepad and tapped her pen on it. She cleared her throat. Finally she slapped her notepad down on the table and said, "Alright girls, do you have something to tell me or what?"

Jane tore her eyes away from Maura and acknowledged her mother's presence. "What, Ma? What are you talking about?" Angela waved her hands between the two women, and suddenly Jane got defensive. "We're just having coffee, Ma, stop jumping to conclusions."

Angela crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at Maura 'can't tell a lie' Isles. Maura flinched, then turned to Jane. "Oh, Jane, I'm sorry, your mother knows."

Jane scowled sideways at Angela, but was talking to Maura. "What do you _mean_, she knows? _I_ have only known for _two hours_!" Her head turned back to Maura, eyebrows raised.

"She figured out how I felt a couple weeks ago while we were shopping. Although her tactics were rather underhanded, she was quite comforting in the end." Maura gave Angela a smile; Angela winked back. "Incidentally, my mother is also aware of my feelings for you." Maura shrugged and turned up her palms, "Perhaps she deduced it from the inflection in my voice when..." her words trailed off as Jane rolled her eyes and and patted Maura's hand, absently leaving their hands clasped on the table. Maura looked down at their hands and pursed her lips, trying to hide a smile.

"So, Janie? What do you have to say for yourself?" Angela couldn't help it. When she was right, she was right, and if her kids were aware of how often she was right, maybe they'd listen to her more.

Jane growled. She hated when her mother was right. But then Maura squeezed her hand and Jane gave her a smug smile before looking back at Angela. "Fine, Ma, ok." She lowered her voice. "So the feeling is mutual. But like I said, it's new and we'd appreciate if you didn't blab it all over, and _especially_ don't call Carla Tallucci or any of your other friends or I swear to God..." Maura had squeezed her hand again. "Just... let _us_ tell people, ok?"

Angela couldn't help but grin and give each of her girls a quick hug around the shoulders. "Of course, baby, I would never _dream_ of spilling the beans."

Jane snorted. "Right."

* * *

Maura and Jane lay in bed, on their sides facing each other. Their right hands were clasped and their feet were tangled. And neither knew what to do next.

They'd worked late that day, and Jane suspected Frost would be working even later to sift through the victim's phones and financials for any suspicious activity. On any other day, Jane would have felt guilty leaving him there on his own, but not tonight. Tonight she and Maura picked up a pizza on the way home and spent the evening indulging. Jane wasn't sure what was cheesier, the pizza or the way she had been smiling at Maura all night.

They'd discussed the case, though Jane would be the first to admit she wasn't quite focused on it. They'd talked about Angela and accepted that there was a good chance she was already planning a coming out/engagement party for them and three hundred of Angela's closest friends. The only thing left to say was _everything_.

As the silence grew, the weight of the day's revelations fell upon them. It wasn't the prospect of spending the rest of their lives together that scared Jane, it was that she couldn't imagine this euphoria lasting the rest of their lives. It didn't seem possible that she could maintain this level of happiness without exploding. She scolded herself for thinking that, instead of simply enjoying it while it lasted.

As Jane's smile faded, Maura's mirrored it. Was Jane reconsidering? Was this an awkward silence, or a comfortable one? Maura couldn't tell for sure. Just in case, she tried to come up with something to fill the silence. "Elephants gestate for 22 months and give birth to calves over 100 kilograms."

Jane smirked. "How many pounds is that?"

"Two hundred twenty."

"I'm glad she's not really an elephant." Jane slowly picked up their clasped hands and placed Maura's on her belly. "I don't think I could wait that long."

Maura's fingers danced lightly over Jane's shirt. "Neither could I," Maura admitted. Jane lifted the hem of her shirt and Maura's fingernails grazed her skin. "And she'd be so big we wouldn't be able to hold her."

"I like when you do that." Jane's eyes pointed at her belly.

Maura smiled, "I like it, too." After a pause, she found herself asking, "What about when I..." she bit her lip and her eyes lowered to Jane's chest.

"When you kissed me?"

Maura nodded.

"I loved that. I wanted more."

"But you didn't, you said-"

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"So what changed between last night and today?"

"I realized that I don't have to. It doesn't have to be that way."

Maura's brow furrowed and her hand stilled. "You're being opaque. Why?"

Jane sighed and rolled onto her back, her right hand behind her head. "Remember when I asked Dr. Filer about... if pregnancy can make you think things you wouldn't normally think about?"

Maura nodded, "I thought you meant Casey."

Jane's head snapped to the right and she saw the memory of worry return to Maura's face. "Oh, no," she reached over and kissed Maura's forehead, then looked into Maura's eyes when she said, "That couldn't be further from the truth."

Seeing Maura nod, Jane relaxed again and tried to explain, "I said I was thinking about you, that I missed you." Maura nodded again, and a soft smile returned. "That was true, but it wasn't the whole truth." Jane licked her lips nervously before continuing, "I was thinking about you," her eyes searched the ceiling for courage," kissing me."

Jane really didn't know why she was nervous. She didn't think Maura would be put off by this, nor even that she had been admiring Maura in a more physical way than a normal friendship warranted. But for some reason it was embarrassing to admit. Still, for Maura, she went on, the words coming more quickly now. "And then you _did_, and I loved it and I kind of flipped out because I didn't know... if that was really me, or the baby was making me feel that way."

"You didn't want to hurt me?"

"I thought if it was just the baby, then after she's born things would go back to normal and I'd have to, like, break up with you. Or something."

"You didn't want to have to dump me?" There was a hint of a smirk peeking out.

"I didn't want this feeling to go away."

Maura moved closer and wrapped her arm around Jane, just below her breasts. Jane rested her hand over Maura's arm, thumb absently stroking it. Maura put her head on Jane's shoulder and closed her eyes, indulging in the sensation of Jane's touch. After a long while, she asked, "What changed your mind?"

"You." Jane's voice reverberated into Maura like warmth. "What you said about love. It made me realize that what we have... we've been in love since long before the baby. Before Casey. Forever, it seems like. I was just too stupid to realize it."

"A complete idiot," Maura clarified, almost asleep now.

"A complete idiot," Jane repeated, then kissed Maura's head. She nuzzled into Maura's hair and closed her eyes.

* * *

It was finally Friday night. Jane had spent the rest of the week balancing her murder investigation with her date idea investigation. By the end of the day Thursday, she had finally settled on a destination and everything had gone to plan; even the weather was good. They closed out the case Friday afternoon and neither Jane nor Maura was on call again until Sunday. They had just enough time to go home and change. Maura pestered Jane on the way home, trying to find out what their plans were, but Jane was tight-lipped. Even when Maura claimed she needed to know how dressed up to get, Jane just said, "Anything you wear will be perfect."

Maura considered—only for a second—wearing a negligee. She tried to imagine Jane's response. Would she laugh? Would she send Maura back to change into something more reasonable? Would her eyes rake over Maura while she licked her lips, then kiss her passionately and lead her back into the bedroom, forgetting any other plans for the evening? It was almost worth doing, just to find out.

But she didn't. She took a deep breath and picked a modest but well-fitting dress of black lace over tan silk, with strappy heels. She hoped it would be just the right combination of sexy and chic without being intimidating. She knew Jane was stepping out of her comfort zone tonight and didn't want to add any extra pressure.

Meanwhile, Jane was in the guest bathroom, talking to her protruding navel. "Now, I'm counting on you to be cool tonight. I'll promise not to drink too much water if you promise not to sit directly on my bladder and make me pee every five minutes." She got a little movement in response, and considered that a fetal handshake.

Jane took a deep breath and slipped on the maternity dress her mother had helped her pick out. It wasn't great—Jane doubted whether it was even possible to look good at almost 6 months pregnant—but it wasn't horrible, either. And the most important part was that it was new, it wasn't something she'd already worn on a date with anyone else. This was a 100% just-for-Maura dress.

Jane smoothed the dress over her belly and recognized butterflies in her stomach. She decided to set down some more guidelines for Echo for the evening. "No nausea, either. I know you haven't made me puke for a while, but tonight would be a terrible time to start it up again." She applied a little makeup and went on, "You don't have to be nervous, sweetpea, she loves you. She'll be your mommy no matter what. Even if I totally fuck up." A stronger jab this time, and Jane corrected herself, "Sorry. Screw up." She bit her lip. "I hope I don't screw up."

* * *

They met in the living room. Jane was the first to find her voice, miraculously. "You don't have to dress like that to turn me on."

Maura tried to hide her wicked grin. "You don't have to take me out to get me into bed."

Jane felt her heart pounding. "That's not why I'm taking you out."

"That _is_ why I'm dressed like this."

Jane felt blood rushing behind her ears. "You look amazing."

"So do you."

Jane narrowed her eyes with doubt, then looked down at her dress. "Ma helped me pick it out. She's not as fun to shop with as you are, but I wanted it to be a surprise."

"It's lovely." Maura picked up her coat, and Jane rushed over to help her put it on. "What other surprises are in store tonight?"

Jane could smell her perfume. "Wouldn't you like to know? Dinner first."

* * *

They ate dinner in a cozy Italian restaurant that would normally be out of Jane's price range, except that she had been saving money lately by not paying rent. She thought it was only appropriate to spend that money on Maura.

Maura had some wine with dinner. She held Jane's hand under the table, and when she let go to use her napkin, Jane discreetly wiped her sweaty palm on her own napkin. "I know you won't believe me," Maura started, as she scooted her chair a little bit closer and found Jane's hand again, "but I don't think I've ever seen you more beautiful than you are tonight." Jane opened her mouth to deny such a claim, but Maura cut her off before she could even begin. "Men often find their wives beautiful during pregnancy, even if the women don't feel that way. It's because pregnancy is a sign of the men's virility."

Jane swallowed, then clarified, "But you're not a man, and Echo is not a symbol of your virility."

"Funny how that doesn't matter." Maura pointed toward Jane's belly, "That's my baby and you look incredibly sexy carrying her."

Jane smirked and moved the wine bottle to the far side of the table. "You're very forward."

"I'm pleased you noticed. I've been throwing hints for three years." Maura raised an eyebrow and smiled.

Jane smiled and started, "It's_ dropping_-" but then she heard the rest of Maura's sentence and her smile fell. "You have?"

"You can be very oblivious sometimes, Jane."

"Yeah..." Jane moved the vegetables around on her plate. "You've been waiting for me to come around for three years?"

Maura dabbed her napkin to her mouth, then spoke soberly. "I wasn't waiting for anything, Jane. I was happy." Her tone indicated otherwise, but she tried to explain, "I was happy for our friendship. I enjoyed the time we spent together and... although I thought... we could have more... I didn't want to push it. I was happy, Jane, I wasn't waiting."

"If you had said something..."

"If I had, then what? Would you have loved me back? Or would you have run? I was afraid I'd never see you again, or things would never be the same. I'd lose you." Maura took a deep breath, perishing the thought. "So I was content with what we did have."

Now Jane took Maura's hand. "I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you."

"Oh, I have some ideas." Maura winked at Jane, who blushed furiously.

* * *

Jane drove all the way to the top of the parking structure at the Museum of Science. Once Maura recognized where they were, she got excited and started talking. "Oh, I haven't been to the science museum in ages! I used to come here when I was in college and just sit and watch people. Children, especially, have so much fun. They have an impressive Rube-Goldberg machine in the lobby. I remember going to a special exhibit on the human body; it was at a time when I was having difficulty in medical school... well, it encouraged me to keep going and to become a medical examiner."

Jane put the car in park and waited for Maura to finish talking. "So you don't mind coming back here, then?"

"Oh, not at all! What a wonderful idea, Jane! But... the museum isn't open this late, is it? It's almost nine."

Jane got out of the car and went around to open the door for Maura. "We're not going inside the museum. We're staying here." She pointed to the observatory.

Maura geeked out with the docent for a bit, and they looked through the telescope at the moon, Venus, and Saturn. Jane had never seen Saturn's rings before except in pictures. As the other visitors were leaving, Maura moved to exit as well, but Jane stopped her. "Wait here just a second." She spoke to the docent for a few minutes, then he left them alone inside the observatory, the roof still open to the night sky. Maura looked at Jane questioningly. She wasn't expecting any more surprises.

"I just asked him for a few minutes of privacy. Showed him my badge to prove he could trust me with his million-dollar telescope." She pulled Maura by the hand over to where they could look up directly at the sky. "Tell me about when you used to come here."

Maura slipped her arm around Jane's waist and rested her head on her shoulder, looking up at the stars. "There isn't much more to it than what I said earlier. I had a membership and would spend time here when I was in college and medical school. It's really for younger kids, but I felt at home anyway. I think it was a good way for me to be around people without having to talk to them." There was a sadness to her voice, remembering the isolation she felt from the other students and the difficulties she'd experienced relating to live patients.

Something in Maura's voice told Jane the memories weren't all good. "Maybe this was a bad idea. I didn't mean to remind you about those jerks in school." She felt goosebumps on Maura's arm and rubbed her hand to warm it. "We can go, if you want."

"No, I want to stay. Right here." She moved her head a little on Jane's shoulder and squeezed her waist, turning a little more into Jane's embrace. "Why _did_ you bring me here, Jane?"

Jane shrugged her unoccupied shoulder. "I thought you'd like it. Y'know, science."

"I don't believe you." Maura lifted her head and looked up at Jane. "Try again."

Jane shifted so they were completely facing each other and held Maura as closely as Echo would allow. "I wanted you to feel loved."

Maura smiled and shyly turned her head away from Jane's serious gaze. When she looked back at Jane, she shook her head. "Do you know why I love you? Why I have, for three years?"

"I have no idea."

"Every day, you see me. Other detectives come into the morgue and see someone who can give them information, or do something for them. You see _me._ You respect me and you treat me like I'm somebody special. You defend me when I don't even realize I need it. I know you'll always be on my side. You don't mind when I do something silly and you try to cheer me when I'm down. _Every day_, I feel loved. All you have to do is look at me."

Jane tilted her head and smiled softly.

"That's your cue," Maura whispered.

"What?"

"To kiss me."

Jane glanced at Maura's lips.

Maura smiled. "Don't you want to?"

Janes fingernails clawed at the seam of Maura's dress, along her ribs. "No."

Maura scrunched up her face. "Why not?"

Jane let go of Maura and walked a few steps away. "I don't know, it's not right. This place brings back bad memories for you. And I thought we'd have more than just a sliver of the sky to look at," she motioned at the observatory's retracted roof. "I wanted it to be perfect, and I can't even hold you right. I wanted it to be something you'd remember forever, something we could tell Echo about." She was on the verge of tears and just knowing that made her even more angry.

Maura smiled. "Don't worry, I have just the thing." She took Jane's hand and pulled her to the door, exited, said thank you and goodbye to the docent, then walked over to the side of the parking structure where they could see the Boston skyline. "There. Now isn't that the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen?"

The city lights eclipsed all but a few stars and the sparkle in Maura's eyes. "Almost."

Maura smirked. "This museum doesn't bring back bad memories for me. It's a place where I don't feel so different from everyone else. It makes me think of children. Science. Wonder. It's the perfect place for our first date."

'It's nice that you're trying, but—"

"Shh."

"Did you just shush me?"

"Yes, and I'm going to do it again if you don't shut up and enjoy the moment."

Jane lowered her chin and tried to enjoy the moment.

Maura stood in front of Jane and slightly to her left. She placed Jane's right hand on the small of her back and rested her own left hand on Jane's shoulder, as if they were dancing. She began to sway slowly, and as she did, her right hand held Echo. "Jane?"

Jane cleared her throat. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I'm not good at asking for things."

"Yeah."

"You wanted me to tell you when there was something I need, that you could give."

"Yeah."

"I need you to kiss me, please."


	19. Chapter 19

"In the beginning," Maura whispered, "there were the stars. The brightest among them was Spica, shimmering blue-white from 260 light-years away and anchoring the constellation Virgo. There were the planets: Venus, inhospitably hot and named for the goddess of love and beauty; and Saturn, its icy rings slightly off-axis from the solar system's plane. There was the moon, waxing gibbous, almost full. There was the Boston skyline. There was Jane and there was Maura. There was love."

Maura lay on her stomach sideways across the bed, her chin only inches from Jane's belly, propped up by her elbows. She watched Jane's belly rise and fall with her breaths, even and slow in sleep during the early morning hours. Maura had begun to write a new creation myth, one that told how Echo came to be, made from the union of her mommies under the stars.

It was scientifically inaccurate, Maura admitted to herself. At the very least, it was irresponsible to teach a child that she was created from a first kiss between two women, rather than the meeting of sperm and egg during sexual intercourse, regardless of how much Maura wanted to ignore that such an act ever happened. But, she told herself, that was why it was called a _myth_. It wasn't meant to be true. I was meant to inspire and to entertain. They'd teach Echo the truth of how babies are made when the time came. For now, Maura preferred the myth.

"Jane was a beautiful badass detective, and Maura was an awkward but brilliant medical examiner. They had been orbiting each other for years, and although they were both happy and whole (because a husband and family are not essential to a woman's life, don't let anyone tell you otherwise) ...although they were happy, there was room for more happiness.

"So on that night, surrounded by the stars and the planets and the moon and the skyline, Jane and Maura kissed. It was the most beautiful kiss, little one. It was tender and sweet and, well, I could tell Jane was nervous, but she touched my cheek and ran her thumb over my lips, so gently..." Maura's eyes closed, remembering it, "I kissed her thumb, and then," Maura shivered and opened her eyes, "she pulled me toward her and," she sighed and smiled, "we made you."

"If that's how babies are made, not even your Isles foundation will be able to support all the kids we're going to have." Jane's morning voice startled Maura, who blushed, speechless. "It'll be like a hundred and one dalmatians, but with babies instead of puppies." At Maura's blank look, Jane added, "Oh, wow. We're renting that tonight." Jane touched her thumb to Maura's forehead, along her hairline. "C'mere. Let me love you."

* * *

Maura began counting kisses. She wanted to remember each one. After the one that made Echo, there was another little one before they could part and bask in the warmth of each other. Then when they got home there were two more in bed: one before Maura paid tribute to Jane's neck and clavicle, one after. The next morning held three kisses, interspersed between conversation and cuddling. It occurred to Maura that their kisses were following the Fibonacci series, and she wondered how long they could keep that up. She therefore secured five more during the course of the day, and eight more that night.

The workday presented a particular challenge to Maura's Fibonacci numbers, but if she counted the entire day and night, thirteen, then twenty-one, and even thirty-four weren't so difficult. She'd sneak them in the elevator or the women's washroom when she could snag Jane for a few minutes. She'd make good use of their time at home, especially morning and night, when Jane was content and relaxed.

Wednesday evening, Maura was working her way up to fifty-five when the kisses began to run together. She was losing track and it really didn't matter. What mattered was how good Jane tasted, and how soft her lips were, especially that part of her upper lip that usually rested against her teeth. Maura ran her tongue along it and considered that forty-one.

They were sitting, facing each other on the couch, Maura's legs were neatly crossed toward Jane, one of Jane's knees was bent up between them. They were ostensibly watching something on TV, but it had gone to commercial and Maura couldn't remember what it was, even if she tried. Jane's hand was tugging at the waist of Maura's henley—she had changed into more casual clothes after work in anticipation of this activity—and Maura wished she would just pull it up over her head. Instead, Jane's fingers worked their way underneath and lightly scratched, while Jane sucked on Maura's lower lip and let it go with a tiny 'pop'. (Forty-two.)

As if encouraged by this sound, Jane pulled Maura closer and leaned back toward the arm of the sofa. Maura had no choice (she rationalized) but to fall face first into Jane's chest, slightly off-center so as to avoid putting undue pressure on Echo. She cleverly used this opportunity to kiss from Jane's suprasternal notch down as far as her tank top would allow, stopping at that alluring mole between her breasts. Jane's chest heaved accordingly.

Maura went up for more kisses while Jane's hands crept up her back, sliding under her bra strap but not going so far as to try to unclasp it. Maura mentally urged Jane to take that step and momentarily lost track of her kisses. She pulled back for a moment, pausing to calculate, while Jane's thumbs slipped around to the side of Maura's ribs. She stared at Jane's lips for a moment, thinking, then decided on forty-six, and bent over again for more.

But Jane's hands stopped her. "What was that?"

"Hmm?" Maura didn't realize she'd spoken. "What was what?"

"You said, 'forty-six.' What's forty-six?"

Maura pulled her lips between her teeth and sat up, embarrassed to have been caught. Lying was out of the question, and Jane would see right through any attempt at deflection, so she attempted the most enjoyable tactic: distraction. Turning back to Jane, she batted her eyelashes and leaned in to kiss Jane's neck.

Jane let out a small moan. It was working. Maura groped around for Jane's hand and, finding it, put it back on her waist. "I love you," she whispered in Jane's ear, for good measure.

Jane's fingers dug into Maura's back and she let out another small moan. "I love you, too, forty-six."

Maura froze for a second, then resumed her kisses with increased fervor. She pressed Jane back to lean against the armrest again, and gave her a passionate kiss on the mouth. When it ended, she slowly opened her eyes, lifting her head just enough to look into Jane's eyes and measure her success at distraction.

Jane smiled languidly, then kissed Maura again, only briefly. Her voice was scratchy when she said again, "Forty-six."

Maura narrowed her eyes and sighed. "Forty-eight."

Jane pulled her in for another kiss, then Maura added, "Forty-nine."

Jane grinned, understanding. "Oh my God, you are _such_ a _nerd_!"

Maura tucked her face into Jane's armpit, blushing, and Jane put her hand in Maura's hair.

Still laughing, Jane clarified, "You're saying we've kissed forty-nine times?"

Maura's voice was muffled, but Jane heard her whimper, "Today."

Jane threw her head back and gasped in delight. "Forty-nine times today." Maura nodded. "And how many times yesterday?"

"Thirty-four."

Jane kissed Maura's hair, gently urging her to look up. When she caught Maura's eyes, she asked, "Why are you counting?"

Maura sighed and rested her head on Jane's shoulder. "They're easier to remember that way."

"Really?" Jane wiggled a little bit, getting comfortable in their new positions. "Do you remember them all?" She felt Maura nod against her chest. "What was number thirteen yesterday?"

"Twelve through eighteen were in my office just before we went home." Maura's fingers traced the curve of Jane's belly.

"How many the day before?" Jane's fingers entwined Maura's hair.

"Twenty-one."

"Which was your favorite?"

"The first one." Maura's fingers stopped. "The last one." Her eyes closed. "All of them."

Jane smiled and squeezed. "Me too." After a moment, Jane shook her head. "I can't believe you're keeping track."

Maura lifted her head, the embarrassment having dissipated. "It's not that difficult, they're Fibonacci numbers, one, one, two, three, five, eight, thirteen, twenty-one, thirty-four, fifty-five." Her head tilted and her eyes were bright while she explained. "Each number in the sequence is produced by combining the two preceding numbers."

"Oh my God. Ok, so what's today's number?"

"Fifty-five."

"And what if we go over fifty-five?"

Maura shrugged. "We exceed the golden ratio."

"Is that bad?"

"No."

"Good. Because I'm going to kiss you at least seven more times tonight."

* * *

A few days and approximately three hundred kisses later (Maura had lost count), Jane pulled into the precinct parking garage, cut the engine, and took a deep breath. When Maura squeezed her hand, still on the gearshift, she looked over and smiled hesitantly.

"Are you sure you want to do this? It doesn't have to be today."

"Yeah, it's time. And there's no reason to make a big deal of it. It doesn't affect anyone else."

"Ok."

"Ok." Jane returned the squeeze and nodded, then leaned over and kissed Maura. "Let's go."

After they got out of the car, Jane took Maura's hand and they walked together into the precinct without letting go. Through the lobby and to the elevators, Jane pushed the up arrow and they waited. Inside the elevator, they stood close. Jane kissed Maura's forehead. Into the homicide bullpen, they stopped at Jane's desk and waited a moment.

Frost, sitting directly in front of Jane's desk, was the first to notice their clasped hands. He did a double-take as he looked up, but recovered quickly and said only, "Good morning, Jane, Doctor Isles. You both look chipper today." He flashed his million-dollar smile as he said it.

"Good Morning, Detective Frost. It's lovely to see you," Maura hummed.

Frankie was there, too, but took the hint from Frost and said only, "Morning, Janie, Maura." Then, as he walked away, "Frost, you owe me a drink."

Korsak finally found his voice next, as he looked between the two women, "Jane? Doctor Isles? Are you two—?"

"Korsak!" Frost cut him off. "Yeah, man, let it go."

"Hey," Korsak smiled at them, "that's great. All the best, really."

A few other detectives noticed and nodded, then Jane and Maura returned to the elevator bay. Jane tried (but failed) to hide a proud smile. "So I'll see you for lunch, then?"

"If not sooner," Maura beamed. They kissed.

The elevator doors slid open, revealing Sister Winifred. "I suggest you both get to work before I cite you for inappropriate public displays of affection." She maneuvered around them and walked away, leaving them to giggle.

Finally, Maura stepped onto the elevator and pushed the down button. Jane winked as the door closed, and turned back to the bullpen to a round of applause. At her desk, she turned around in a full circle to see everyone, her arms outstretched. "Aww, don't you guys have murders to solve?" She put her jacket on the back of her chair, sat down, and propped her feet up on her desk. She pretended to be put-out, but she was grinning the whole time.


	20. Chapter 20

Maura considered herself a patient woman. It was a necessary trait in a pathologist. The methodical process of gathering evidence, all the evidence, without jumping to conclusions, required the kind of patience Maura had long cultivated in herself. It was partly because she so enjoyed being right. There was nothing quite like the gradual accumulation of evidence to lend overwhelming support to a logical hypothesis. When all the pieces fit together, without contradiction or conflict, she was rewarded with the smug satisfaction of a job well done.

It was tempting to hypothesize prematurely, of course. Fingerprints or trace evidence on a victim could be solid avenues for investigation, but without proper support they wouldn't stand up in court and couldn't be relied on to garner a conviction. Maura's evidence had to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the accused committed the crime. So she chided her colleagues for acting too quickly on a lead, fearing that it would close them off to other, contradictory evidence. She made sure to keep an open mind while they went chasing down prospects. She waited for the evidence to give her the answer. She was patient.

She knew it annoyed Jane. Maura would refuse to narrow the window for time of death, or to announce cause of death, before exploring all possibilities back at the lab. She did it in the name of science, but a small piece of Maura enjoyed Jane's annoyance. She liked seeing that frustrated roll of the eyes, the puff of air she exhaled as she squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to get angry at the unyielding medical examiner. It was cute, and it was also retribution. That tiny piece of Maura had enjoyed seeing her best friend frustrated because it put them on a level playing field. If Jane insisted on them being just friends, then Maura would insist that a stabbing victim could have been poisoned, too.

It was wicked, Maura knew, to want this little bit of revenge, and she was glad to know she wouldn't need it anymore (though she would always be meticulous in her duties). Her patience with Jane's friendship had led them to where they were now. Now, Maura had everything she'd ever wanted or needed, literally in her lap. She sat on the living room floor with Jane and Echo between her outstretched legs. Jane leaned back into Maura's embrace and Maura rested back against the sofa, content. Her hand twisted the ends of Jane's hair and her cheek pressed up against Jane's forehead. If there were a heaven, Maura told herself, this would be it.

It was true what she told Jane before, that she hadn't been waiting those three years in limbo. She never expected Jane to love her, or for their relationship to change. She never expected more, and maybe because of that, it was possible to get by on smiles and friendship. Now she had kisses and hugs and Jane's hands, _God_, Jane's _hands_. But only to a certain extent. Maybe Jane wasn't ready, maybe she was shy, but for whatever reason, there was a line she hadn't crossed, and Maura's patience was wearing thin.

Maura would never try to force anything. It wasn't in her nature. She wouldn't pressure Jane, she wouldn't even push. She promised herself, she would be patient. She would wait for Jane to be comfortable and confident. The way Jane looked at her, kissed her, held her, all the evidence said she wanted more. It was only a matter of time before Jane gave in and acted.

Maura imagined Jane would be a strong, dominant lover. She'd be gentle and tender, but she'd want to take the lead, without hesitation or need for approval. She'd want to be 'the man,' as she so indelicately put it not long ago. But that first kiss, Jane's apprehension about it, made Maura think maybe all Jane needed was a little... encouragement. Maybe she was waiting for Maura to tell her what she wanted.

Maura's right hand began making small circles over Echo. Jane let out a small sigh of contentment. She loved when Maura did that. The circles gradually moved lower, to the downward curve and over the elastic waistband of Jane's shorts.

"Ava, Grace, Mia, Sofia, Isabelle..." _Oh, right._ Jane was looking at baby names on the laptop. Maura had all but forgotten about the task. "Any of those sound good to you?"

"Hmm, they're lovely," is all Maura could muster. She put a kiss to Jane's forehead and tried again, slipping her pinky finger under Jane's waistband.

Jane immediately tensed up. Maura stopped, and slowly slid her hand back up to safety. "Sorry," Jane murmured.

Maura's heart melted. She gave Jane a whole body squeeze and another kiss on the forehead. "I like Grace." Maura would be patient.

Jane turned her head to look at Maura from the corner of her eye. The corner of her mouth turned up, then she said, "Me too. I'll add it to our list."

Jane thought for sure Maura could feel the butterflies in her stomach when she touched her like that. If nothing else, Maura must have been aware of how Jane's heartbeat raced and her breathing became labored. It was part nerves and part arousal, and Jane had no idea what to do with it. Well, she knew what she was _supposed_ to do, in general at least. The details were the part she wasn't sure about.

Jane had never been with a woman before. She'd never loved a woman and she'd never been attracted to a woman, not like she was attracted to Maura. She'd only dated men, and she'd slept with a few of them, most of whom she preferred not to recall. It's not that they were awful people, or even just awful in bed, it was that it never felt like she imagined it should. There was never any amazing high, never something she was sure she could call love.

The sex was pretty straightforward: bing, bang, boom. They got off, she didn't. Jane had an inkling that wasn't the way it should be, that there must be a reason Maura and other women seemed to enjoy sex, but she didn't mind so much. She preferred to be alone when she brought herself to climax. That wasn't something she felt the need to share with any of the men she'd been involved with. If they expressed any interest in her state of arousal, it was always in a voyeuristic sense. It was creepy. Usually, though, they were happy to nail her and be done with it. That was the way she preferred it, actually. Get it over with and go to sleep.

How that translated into sex with a woman, Jane wasn't sure. Would Maura want her to wear... something? How would she know when they were done? If she could get past the initial discomfort of inexperience, Jane was pretty sure she could adapt to whatever Maura wanted. Jane wanted to make Maura happy, so she would at least try whatever Maura asked of her. But she was still nervous, not knowing what to expect.

The other problem was that sex was where all her relationships went wrong. The worst was Dean. One time in the sack, and he fucks up their sting enough that Maura ended up hating Jane for months. She should have known better than to tell him anything. Then there was Martinez, back when they were in DCU. That lasted longer, a few months, until he got all cocky and her CI was killed.

And finally there was Casey. She still couldn't figure out what went wrong there. It just felt like whenever they were together, he was distracted. Or disappointed. Even after his surgery, he wasn't ever the same. He wasn't ever happy. Maybe she wasn't good enough. Maybe she should have done more. She just couldn't figure out what _more_ was.

Jane shook her head, trying to free it from thoughts of those failed relationships. The trepidation lingered, despite her efforts. What if she and Maura had sex, and that precipitated their breakup? What if she couldn't please Maura? What if there was something Maura wanted, but couldn't ask for, and Jane couldn't figure it out? Her heart started racing again, this time from nerves and fear. She didn't want to lose Maura over a miscommunication about sex. She didn't want to lose Maura at all.

Putting off sex wouldn't work forever, Jane knew. At some point, they'd have to cross that line. But it didn't have to be now. They could enjoy the kissing and the cuddling, and not worry about the other stuff for a little longer. Jane wondered how long Maura would be ok with that, and not get frustrated.

"Oh!" Maura interrupted Jane's thoughts, "We should talk about labor and delivery options. Dr. Filer wanted us to prepare for your next appointment."

Jane groaned and rolled her eyes with frustration. "Do we have to?"

"Yes," Maura insisted, a little bit too gleefully. "I was thinking we could get a birthing tub and do it all right here at home. You'd be very comfortable."

Jane sat forward and turned to look at Maura with horror. "Yeah, except for the intense _pain_. I don't think so, Maur. I'm gettin' the epidural."

"You've been through incredible amounts of pain before, and in this case it would be accompanied by oxytocin. We could get a doula to help you focus and manage the pain. It should be quite pleasurable."

Jane actually guffawed. "Hah! No. Way. I want the drugs."

"An epidural has been shown to increase the duration of labor and increase the risk of low blood pressure, muscular weakness, fluid retention, and fever." Jane opened her mouth to protest, but Maura held up her hand to silence her. "I'm going to order a birthing tub anyway. It can be useful during the early stages of labor, even if you decide to go the hospital route anyway. And you can always change your mind later. I just want you to consider all the options."

Jane relaxed back against Maura and squeezed her eyes shut. "I know. I just..." Jane sighed and opened her eyes again. "It's gross, is all. I'm not looking forward to that whole thing, and... having _people_ around watching? I mean, I don't want you to see me like that. Especially—ugh, nevermind."

Maura rubbed up and down Jane's shoulder. "Especially what?" she pressed, quietly.

Jane looked down at her hands. "I don't know. This is all really new to me, you know? Most people, when they have babies, they've already..."

"Been intimate?" Maura supplied.

"Yeah. And I know you want to, and I want to, too, but... I'm sorry, but—"

"Don't be."

"Huh?" Jane sat up and turned enough to see Maura's expression while she talked.

"Don't be sorry. _I'm_ sorry, I shouldn't have pressed you. Yes, I want to be intimate with you, but only if you're comfortable with that. It doesn't have to be now, or even soon. I love you, Jane. I love the way we are now." She held her hands out, indicating their embrace, "I love this. I love you. Don't be sorry."

Struck with awed disbelief, Jane guided Maura's lips to hers and lingered there for a few seconds. _Thank you_. Jane tucked her temple into Maura's neck. "Ok."


	21. Chapter 21

TJ was learning to walk. Maura hadn't spent much time with him; Tommy and Lydia didn't always make it to Sunday dinner, and when they did, the Rizzolis played a kind of tug-of-war with the infant. None of them could seem to get enough of him, even when his diaper needed to be changed. Maura didn't feel right trying to steal him from his grandmother's arms, or anyone else's, for that matter, and so she hung back. But now that TJ was walking, he'd squirm from someone's embrace and they'd set him down on the floor, free to run around the room on his tiptoes—_why did children do that, Maura wondered?_—and explore.

He probably only wanted to see what was going on above his head, at the counter. But when Maura felt a tiny hand on the back of her knee and looked down to see TJ's arms raised in the universal gesture for 'pick me up,' her breath caught. Children didn't gravitate toward Maura. She didn't have much experience at all with them, even when she was young. She could read all the child psychology books in the world, but nothing would prepare her for motherhood like experience.

There was that baby she'd delivered at the spa. He was a newborn and even though he didn't do much besides eat and sleep, the way he had felt in Maura's arms made her understand. It made her want to be a mother, to feel that way all the time. To feel needed and to know that she was able to give comfort with a simple embrace.

She wasn't TJ's mother, and he just wanted a better vantage point, Maura reminded herself. She wiped her hands on a tea towel, picked him up, and settled him on her hip, marveling at the way he almost held himself there. His little muscles were accustomed to this position. He was comfortable in her arms. Trusting. So trusting, in fact, that he risked throwing his weight forward to reach for the knife she had been using to cut vegetables for the salad.

"Oh, no, honey," Maura rotated just in time to keep it out of his reach. In an attempt to distract him, she cut a tiny piece of tomato and offered it to him. _Is tomato a common allergen? Has he tried tomatoes before? Do I have an EpiPen ready in case he's allergic?_ Maura made a mental note to read up on baby allergies as soon as possible. And toe-walking, while she was at it. Luckily, TJ turned his face away from the offered tomato, thus negating the potential for any danger.

"Ok, no veggies for you," Maura cooed, as she put down the tomato and wiped her hand again. "You're just like your Auntie Jane." TJ looked back at Maura when she spoke, and said something. It wasn't English, but it used the same phonemes. Her necklace caught his eye, and he pulled on it.

This was much different from holding that newborn, Maura discerned. TJ was making eye contact, holding on to her sleeve, interacting, and engaging. She wanted to witness his every discovery and the glee evoked by something as simple as light reflecting off a sapphire. His tiny hand held tight and he leaned forward, toward her neck, trying to put the jewel in his mouth. She let him. He inserted his whole fist, along with the pendant, into his mouth and drooled a little bit. It was adorable. Maura smiled at him, and in response, he threw his arm out to the side, still holding her pendant, and squealed happily. Not noticing the chain digging into her neck, Maura observed that his four central incisors (two on the maxilla and two on the mandible) had already come in, and his two lower lateral incisors were just emerging. That would explain the drooling.

TJ continued to pull on the sapphire, while Maura was entranced by his joy, until Jane sidled up and took him away, forcing him to let go of the pendant. As if trying to diminish the void left in Maura's arms, Jane murmured, "Careful, Maur, babies are contagious."

Jane swayed with the baby on her hip, almost bumping up against Maura at one end of her trajectory. Maura saw the smirk on her face but didn't understand the joke. "He doesn't appear ill. Do you think he has a cold?"

Jane's smile grew as she let out a small laugh. "No, Maur, it's a saying. It means if you spend time with a baby, soon you're going to have one of your own." TJ had begun tugging on Jane's hair, but she paid no attention.

Maura blinked. "But Jane, we _are_ having a baby."

Jane leaned closer to whisper into Maura's ear, "Yeah, that's why it's funny." She gave Maura a peck and then went to put TJ in his high chair.

* * *

After they'd eaten and TJ was released, he surveyed the room and then tottered right back over to Maura. She set him on her lap at the table and let him play with her necklace while the others cleared and cleaned up. He soon tired of the necklace, moved on to her hair (also putting that in his mouth), and then started reaching for things on the table. He went from content to squirmy, and then to fussy in less than five minutes.

Maura didn't know what to do. She offered to let him down, but he just wanted up again. She started bouncing her knees like she'd seen Jane do to entertain him before. He just kind of jostled and made more noise. She tried reasoning with him. "I don't know what's upsetting you, TJ, but I would like to help fix it. Maybe you could point to the problem?" He scrunched up his face. Sniffing, Maura didn't detect the need for a diaper change, but she peeked in the back, just to confirm it. No evidence of poop. She picked up her necklace and showed it to him again, with no success at distracting him.

Maura was out of ideas and starting to panic. Everyone else was busy in the kitchen, talking and making so much noise with the dishes, they didn't seem to notice TJ's whines until they turned into a wail. Maura felt herself flush. She should know how to entertain a toddler for at least a few minutes, shouldn't she? She should know what was wrong. She wanted to hide under a rock.

Lydia waved a dish towel at her as if it was nothing unusual and said, "Oh, he's just tired. He'll fall asleep in the car on the way home." Then she went back to drying the dishes.

Tommy came over and spoke quietly. "It's ok, Maura, he just gets fussy when he's tired." He pulled out the chair next to her and sat, but didn't reach to take TJ from her. He just put his finger out for TJ to grab onto, and that calmed the child some. "And it's hard for him to fall asleep with all these people around; he doesn't want to miss anything."

Maura examined Tommy as he spoke. When did he become a _father_? When she met him, he was this bumbling little boy, unable to see the consequences of his actions. But this man sitting with her was gentle and proud, relaxed and caring. He put his son first.

"One time," Tommy leaned forward conspiratorially, "I was making a bottle and I turned around for, like, two seconds, and TJ started cryin'." Tommy rolled his eyes much like Jane did when she was annoyed. "I couldn't figgure out what was wrong! I checked his diaper, he had food right in front a him, he'd just had a nap, I dunno, sometimes he just cries for no reason at all!" Tommy looked over his shoulder to be sure the others weren't listening in. "Turned out he'd stuffed a cheerio up 'is nose. Way up there," he pointed up his own nose. "He finally sneezed it out. Snot _everywhere_. Was _gross_."

Maura decided that Tommy was still Tommy. She laughed quietly and looked down at TJ, aiming to check up his nose for any morsel of food, but then noticed the child had fallen asleep against her chest. All was peaceful and Maura had the best excuse to relax until the last possible moment before Tommy and Lydia had to leave.

* * *

It was just after three am. Maura had tried snuggling up to Jane, listening to her breathe, holding her, holding Echo, recalling as many kisses as she could, even counting backward from one hundred. It was no use. She could not sleep. Her brain was on overdrive.

Her mind kept wandering back to her interactions with TJ and Tommy the night before. Since she had held that orphaned newborn in the hospital, Maura knew she wanted to be a mother, but perhaps she hadn't thought it through sufficiently. Perhaps Maura didn't have the right instincts for motherhood. Could she even hope to be as wonderful a mother as Angela was? Angela wasn't perfect, Jane would argue, but she was warm, affectionate, and nurturing, none of which Maura could count among her virtues. Were those traits innate or learned, Maura wondered? In her case, it probably didn't matter: neither Hope, nor Paddy, nor either Isles were particularly affectionate or nurturing. And even if Angela agreed to tutor Maura in motherhood, the sheer volume of knowledge seemed insurmountable in just three months, even given Maura's proclivity for learning. Maura breathed deep and wiped at the moisture in her eyes.

And yet Tommy seemed to have taken to fatherhood like waterfowl, so they said. He had the benefit of Angela's upbringing, surely that prepared him somewhat, but Maura remembered worrying about his abilities when TJ was initially placed in his care. Somehow since then, he had grown into his role as a parent. Perhaps there was some hope for Maura after all.

All these doubts led Maura to think about her own mother, Constance. Maura loved her mother, but she had certainly not been the doting, affectionate mother Angela was. Had she not wanted to be, or had she tried and failed? Was there something Constance could have done differently? Or was Maura simply oblivious, unable to read the physical and emotional cues that communicate love?

Maura suddenly had the urge to speak with her mother, to hear her voice, to listen for something she had been missing. She quietly got up, brought her phone to the living room, and dialed Paris.

"Good morning," Maura's father answered.

"Hello, Father, this is Maura." She tried not to sound too formal, but she worried that he wouldn't recognize her voice.

"Maura, it's wonderful to hear from you. Your mother tells me you are planning to adopt a child."

Maura didn't hear a question in his voice, but answered anyway. "Yes..." She supposed that was one way to see her situation. She was about to explain further, but the moment vanished when her father continued.

"Good, good. Congratulations. You've always been one to put others first." His tone made it clear he meant this as a compliment, but Maura heard his underlying assumption, that adoption was an act of charity, not love. His unspoken commentary on her own adoption rendered Maura speechless, and her father went on. "And everything else is going well, I hope?"

Maura managed to sputter out, "Yes, everything is good." She tried to think of some detail she could relate, which he might be interested to hear. She dismissed a few items as unimportant to him—the wonder she felt at Jane's last ultrasound, that she'd found the precise place on Jane's neck to kiss in order to completely relax her, that they were calling the baby Echo until they settled on a more permanent name—and landed on an old standby, "I helped solve two murders last week."

"That's wonderful, Maura. Let me go get your mother." She heard a clink as he put down the phone.

A moment later, Constance was on the line. "Maura, darling, how have you been?"

"I'm well, Mother. And yourself?"

"Oh, business as usual, my dear. Your father is planning an expedition to Kenya this fall; I'm afraid he won't make it out to Boston to meet the baby."

"Oh." Maura wasn't sure if she was disappointed or relieved. Both, probably. "Will you be going with him?" She tried to sound nonchalant about the canceled visit, but her voice cracked and betrayed her emotions. Suddenly the idea of not having her mother nearby to help her navigate the first few weeks of motherhood terrified her.

Constance didn't seem to notice. "No, dear, I'm still planning to come. In fact, I've already booked my flight. I thought I might stay in your guest house with Angela to be nearby, but if you think that's too much of an imposition, I could reserve a room at The Beacon."

"That won't be necessary, Mother." She felt as if she should say something more, about the relief she felt or simply that she was nervous about taking on the challenge of motherhood. Instead, she said, "How is your work?"

"Oh, splendid, darling! I've been inspired by the hoi polloi at Monmartre; I'm working on a piece that attempts to forge meaning from discarded memories." Constance's voice lilted when she spoke of her work. "How fortunate you caught me before I retreated to my studio." There was a silent moment in which Constance must have checked the time. "Darling, it's not even ten here! It must be the middle of the night in Boston. What has you awake at this hour?"

Maura rubbed her eye and pulled her legs up underneath her. "I couldn't sleep. I thought it would be a good time to call."

Constance's voice was softer and deeper when she asked, "Is it Jane, darling? Did you tell her how you feel? Did she not respond positively?"

"No—I mean, yes, I told her—or, perhaps she guessed, but, well, it's a long story and..." Maura took a deep breath and summed up her answer, "She's wonderful, Mother." Maura felt ambushed by the questions, and despite the bliss she'd been experiencing with Jane the past few weeks, she didn't want to relay the details to Constance. It felt too private to share. Maura tried to change the subject. "And the baby is doing well. We're about to begin the third trimester."

"That must be exciting!" Maura couldn't tell if the excitement she heard in Constance's voice was sincere. "Are you prepared? I saw your photos of the baby furniture; lovely choices. What about clothing and diapers? Have you those?"

"Some. Angela is planning a baby shower." Maura was silent. She wished her mother would say something, would somehow know what Maura was thinking, like the last time they had spoken. Perhaps that was a fluke.

The words echoed in Maura's head a few times before she realized she'd said them aloud. "What was it like for you?"

"What—when you were a baby?" Constance didn't seem to understand the connection between Maura's question and their previous topics of conversation. "Well, I didn't have months to prepare, like you do." Maura didn't say anything, so she continued, "I remember being overwhelmed initially. I was not prepared to take care of a baby in any way. The first few days were especially difficult, as I didn't have any of the basic supplies and neither I nor your father knew the first thing about how to care for a newborn."

"What did you do?"

"We learned, I suppose. We quickly fell into a routine, learned what you liked and didn't like. You were very vocal about your dislikes," Constance laughed. "I remember sometimes it seemed as though the only way to assuage you was to lay you down on my chest, so you could hear my heartbeat." Constance sounded almost wistful.

"Your father insisted on going to the authorities, but I convinced him to wait a few days, to give Patrick time to reconsider, if he so chose. And by that time I had become so attached to you that I didn't want to turn you over. I persuaded your father to do whatever was necessary to keep you in our care."

This was all new information to Maura. She had grown up knowing she was adopted, of course, but had only recently learned the circumstances of her abandonment, that Doyle had told everyone that both she and Hope had died in childbirth, then left Maura with Constance. From this, Maura had concluded that she had become an Isles by default, that her parents had kept her out of pity or some sort of recompense toward Doyle. But this, the idea that Constance made a concerted effort to keep her, when it would have been easier to give her away... "You wanted me?"

Constance was taken aback. "Of course we wanted you, darling. You're our daughter." She sighed. "I probably should have done more to show you that. I'm sorry, Maura. You grew up so quickly. You practically raised yourself. I admit I was intimidated by you. So smart, so beautiful."

"Mom," Maura choked on the upswell of tears, "I wish—" She sniffled and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "I wish I had known." Maura wished a lot of things at that moment, most of all that Constance were there to hug her.

"May I give you some advice, Maura? Now that you're going to be a mother?"

"Please."

"Don't be afraid to love your daughter. She deserves everything you have to give her. No less."

"Mom," Maura was crying again.

"Now dry your eyes, darling, and tell me about your Jane. Tell me how wonderful she is."


	22. Chapter 22

Jane strode into the precinct with an air of confidence she hadn't felt for quite a while. For once in her life, she felt like everything was in place. She loved her job, she loved her family, she loved her Maura. It was hard for even Jane to believe, but she found herself singing quietly as she strutted, hips first, and bobbed her head to the beat. "She's up all night to the sun, I'm up all night to have fun, she's up all night to get some, we're up all night to get lucky..."

The last few weeks felt like a dream state to Jane. Every morning, she woke up to a warm kiss from the woman she loved. Every night she went to bed with Maura's arms around her and "I love you" whispered in her ear. And all day long, Jane found whatever opportunities she could to make Maura smile. Because now that Jane knew what was behind that smile, and that it was a smile reserved just for her, she wanted to see it all the time. She wanted to know she could make Maura as happy as Jane herself was.

There was a kind of relief that went along with their love. They both knew, Jane believed, that this relationship wasn't something either of them would give up without a fight. They'd been friends for long enough to know how important they were to one another. Add the fact that they'd committed to raising a child together, and they were practically married already. Maura was willing to do all that even before she knew for certain that Jane loved her. For Jane, the romantic aspect of their relationship just made it stronger. It was another tether that connected them, and it gave her added security. With Maura, she felt safe. Home.

But there was something else, too. Jane had suddenly become aware of just how much she looked at Maura. Jane ogled her, really. She peered as Maura squatted over the body at a crime scene. She watched Maura's hips sway as she walked through the precinct with an evidence file. She blatantly stared while Maura did her autopsies. The few times Jane had caught herself staring before, she felt like there was something wrong about it. Like she shouldn't be looking at her friend that way. If Maura ever caught her staring, Jane would try to pass it off as a normal thing to do. Now she didn't have to. Now when Maura caught her, Maura's lashes dropped and the corners of her mouth turned up as if they were sharing a secret.

Of course, it wasn't a secret. They'd let everyone important to them know as much as they needed to know: that they were happy together. Nobody needed to know the details of how Jane's hands sought out Maura's ribs every night. How Jane loved those few inches she had on Maura so that Maura's head tilted back just slightly when they kissed. Aside from the positive change in Jane's disposition, these details didn't alter anything for anyone else. It wasn't their business what Jane and Maura did at home (or in the privacy of Maura's office), so they didn't make it a big deal. They simply made a point not to hide it.

And Jane was pleasantly surprised at how well everyone took it. Maybe they'd had suspicions all along, or maybe they just didn't care, but she hadn't gotten any lip and she hadn't needed to defend herself or Maura. Her family already loved Maura, and Angela seemed to see it coming before Jane even did. Frankie and Tommy took the news in stride. Tommy did ask at Sunday dinner whether this made Jane gay, but she just shrugged it off as a tactless but harmless question. At the office, the only opinions that mattered to her were Frost's and Korsak's, and they were happy for her.

It had been long enough since Jane and Maura's wordless announcement that Jane was sure nobody else at work thought twice about it. So when she walked into the homicide bullpen and found a CVS bag on her desk, her mind didn't immediately leap to the conclusion that it was a practical joke. "What's this?" She used a pen to rustle the plastic and peer inside. It was a box of Trojans, and written on it in Sharpie was, "EXTRA SMALL." Jane stuck the pen through the bag's handle to pick it up, and slung it onto Frost's desk. "Frost, you left your shit on my desk." She sat down and wiggled her computer mouse to wake her computer.

Frost opened the bag and chuckled. "Oh, these aren't mine. They must be Korsak's."

Hearing his name, Korsak looked up from his paperwork, over the rims of his glasses. "Huh?"

Frost just chuckled again. "Nah, nevermind." He tossed the bag into the garbage bin and the joke was over.

Jane pretended to turn back to her work, but throughout the exchange and after, she had been watching the room for suspicious activity. Jane had been on the receiving end of practical jokes before, though not for a while. She'd learned that the best way to handle it was to let it roll off her back, and so she acted like it had. That didn't stop her from wanting to know who the perpetrator was. She noted a couple of smirks in the doorway to the break room and scribbled down their names for future reference, in case there was another crude attempt at humor.

She paged through emails, but didn't really absorb anything. Her mind was wandering. She knew the condoms were supposed to be a joke, but why? Was it a pregnancy joke? If so, they were about three months late to the party; she'd been showing for at least that long.

Their latest victim had left behind an extensive internet presence, through which Frost was sifting. He'd forwarded the woman's phone and bank records to Jane. She opened the files and started looking for patterns.

The numbers were monotonous and Jane was losing focus. More likely the 'joke' was a jab at her relationship with Maura. Saying Jane was a guy with a small dick. That was irony, wasn't it? That after years of being a woman doing a man's job, it took getting pregnant and becoming all domestic with Maura for them to think of her as a man.

Jane shook the thoughts loose from her head and leaned in closer to the computer screen. The victim had called the same number every Sunday; a quick reverse phone lookup confirmed that this number was her parents' house in Ohio. Another set of long calls turned up as her sister's cell in New York.

From the corner of her eye, Jane saw the men exit the break room and walk away, down the hall. They avoided eye contact with her. _Well, fuck 'em_, she thought. _Fuck those assholes and their sexist jokes._ They wouldn't get under her skin, as much as they tried. As long as they didn't try to demean Maura in any way, Jane didn't care what they thought. She decided not to mention this incident to Maura. It would only upset her.

She turned back to the phone records. A fourth commonly-called number on the victim's phone records was to a name Jane didn't recognize. José Maldonado. She wrote it down. Probably a boyfriend. Or an ex. The calls stopped two weeks earlier.

Jane tapped her pen on her desk. The more she considered it, the more she thought the 'joke' was poorly executed. She was probably the only person in the precinct (aside from Maura) who had no use for condoms at all. Wasn't she? Jane's lack of knowledge on the subject of lesbian sex embarrassed her. Come to think of it, her knowledge on lesbian anything amounted to just about nil. If she was gay now, did that mean she'd have to start wearing flannel and stop shaving her legs?

The victim's bank records showed the usual credit card charges: dining, shopping, bills. Two weeks ago there were several large charges to high-end clothing boutiques. Looked like the victim dealt with stress the same way Maura did.

How was she supposed to react? "_Condoms? What are those? Penis? Yuck!"_ Men were such idiots sometimes. They were probably just jealous that the most beautiful woman in the building (_the world_, Jane corrected herself) preferred to spend her evenings on the couch with Jane, instead of with them. She sat up straighter in her chair, as if readying herself to take on any challengers.

Jane pulled up Maldonado's RMV records and got an address in Dorchester.

It was a shitty joke anyway. _Dumb fucks._ And now she was dwelling on it. Why couldn't she just let it go? It wasn't worth her time. _They_ weren't worth her time. She should be trying to solve this murder or listening to Maura googlemouth or something, not wasting her time thinking about a stupid pack of condoms. Jane couldn't decide if she wanted to hit something or go to the restroom and cry. She crossed her arms tightly around her chest. Mostly she just wanted to go back to bed and wait for a new day to begin.

"Hey, Frost? I got the vic making regular calls to a José Maldonado in Dorchester up until two weeks ago, might be an ex-boyfriend."

"Her roommate didn't mention a boyfriend. You think we oughtta go check him out?"

"Yeah..." Jane glanced at the bag in Frost's wastebasket. "Can you and Korsak handle it? I'm not feeling well. I'm thinking a goin' home early." She put her hand over her belly for good measure.

"Sure, no problem. You need a ride?"

"Nah, I got my car today. Maura came in early."

* * *

Half an hour later, Jane was greeted at the door by Joe Friday, tail wagging a mile a minute. She let the little dog out into the courtyard and then lay back on the couch, flipping on the TV for a distraction. She landed on a kids' show about the ocean. Toddlers sticking their hands into touch tanks at the aquarium. The announcer was saying how starfish could get injured, even lose a whole arm, and still be able to grow it back. The show seemed innocuous enough, though Jane wasn't really paying attention anyway. She needed to get this thing off her mind before Maura got home. She didn't want Maura to worry about Jane being bullied.

Was this what it was like to be gay? To have another reason she didn't fit in, and for people to treat her like an outsider? Why couldn't they just mind their own business? It had no effect on them at all.

Jane turned on her side and buried her head in the cushions, as if they could block out the rest of the world. As much as she didn't want to bother Maura with something so insignificant as a box of condoms on her desk, Jane wished Maura were there with her. Taking the day off to wallow alone seemed indulgent and a waste of time. She should at least go play with Joe Friday or something.

She tried to imagine what Maura would say, if she were there. Probably something about how sex is good for depression. _Oh my God_, Jane realized. _She's been saying that for YEARS._ That was what she meant by 'throwing hints'. A tidal wave of guilt washed over Jane and she put the heels of her hands to her forehead to try to keep it from taking hold. Maura had been wanting to sleep with Jane for years, and now Jane was putting it off, just because she didn't know _how_. (_Well,_ Jane's subconscious argued, _maybe that wasn't the only reason, but it was the most tangible one. The most difficult one to ignore._) Maura was probably good at sex. Even with women. If she hadn't done it before, she'd probably at least read a gazillion books on the subject and could spout off all sorts of erogenous zones or something. How was Jane supposed to measure up to that? How could she hope to impress or even just please Maura, when no one had ever been able to do that to Jane?

Jane had always trusted her instincts. Her gut. She was handsy; even before she realized it, she was touching Maura all the time. This kind of thing should come naturally to her. Shouldn't it? Jane imagined herself in bed with Maura. Not pregnant—that would just make things more awkward. In her imagination, she was hovering over Maura in push-up position but with knees down. That didn't seem right at all. Jane wanted to hold Maura, to hug her and melt into her, not just... drill her.

Maybe if Maura were on top, straddling Jane? Then Jane's hands would be free to touch. She'd hold Maura's waist and look up at her. That sounded better. Jane would run her hands up Maura's sides and—wait, what would Maura be wearing? Underwear? Pajamas? Nothing? Jane's eyes flew open and she looked around the room. Still alone, she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. Jane liked that purple flowery nightgown Maura sometimes wore. The one that reached down just below her butt. Jane could slide her hands up Maura's sides and let her thumbs drift... Suddenly Jane felt the urge to put her face there. _There_. To feel Maura's breast against her cheekbone. And her lips. It didn't make any sense: Jane had her own boobs. Why should she want to touch someone else's? It sounded ridiculous. And yet, that was exactly what she wanted.

* * *

_Jane was in Maura's house, but it was dark. She used her flashlight to search each room, finding them all empty. Maura wasn't there. Jane wasn't pregnant, but the baby wasn't there, either. Not even Joe Friday or the tortoises were there. Maura had left and taken them all with her. Jane was alone._

* * *

Maura came home to find Jane sprawled on the couch. She had been worried when she found out Jane went home sick without notifying Maura. The TV was on and Jane's eyes were open, but she didn't seem to be watching. Maura stood over her and tilted her head. "Jane?"

Jane made eye contact and let one arm drop to the floor, her fingertips touching the toe of Maura's white pumps. "Hey, Maur." Her eyes drifted along with her fingers.

Maura could see there was something on Jane's mind, and that it would come out with little prodding, so she just waited. She combed a stray wisp of hair off of Jane's forehead.

"Do you think we're gay?" Jane was still looking at Maura's shoes, her index finger now buffed the toe. "Tommy asked me if this means I'm gay now."

Maura still didn't say anything.

"I don't feel gay."

Maura chose her words carefully. "One of the things I love about you is that you don't let anyone else define you." Maura wanted to sit down, to put her arm around Jane and tell her it didn't matter what other people thought or said, all that mattered was that they were happy together, that they loved each other. But that didn't feel like it would be enough. This felt bigger and more important than that. It couldn't be solved with a simple hug. So she remained standing, poised to take on whatever other problems lay beneath the surface. "Labels can be useful if you want to self-identify, or to help you feel like you belong in a group. They can also feel oppressive, if they're used inappropriately." She took a small step closer, and Jane traced along the top of her foot, up the cuneiforms, past the navicular, and to the talus, and around to the back of her ankle, the Achilles tendon. Maura continued, hoping to touch on whatever aspect of 'gay' was weighing on Jane. "I identify as bisexual because I am attracted to women and men."

Jane's hand slid up Maura's calf, her fingers pausing at the contour where her gastrocnemius emerged, then stopping in the hollow behind her knee. "I'm attracted to you. Is there a word for that?"

Maura couldn't find her voice. Her breath was shallow and she couldn't focus. She felt as if her legs were about to give out and hoped that if they did, she didn't land directly on either the coffee table or on Jane. She cleared her throat, trying to remain present, "I— Um."

"Maura-sexual," Jane rasped.

It felt like all the oxygen vacated Maura's lungs at once. Jane had just defined her sexuality in terms of Maura. Whereas the mathematical set of people Maura was attracted to could be defined as {women, men}, Jane's set consisted solely of {Maura}. It was the most erotic thing she'd ever heard. She dropped to her knees beside the couch. She held Jane's head in both hands and kissed desperately, needing her, needing her to feel how much Maura needed her, needing them to be one.

When the kiss ended, Maura didn't retreat, she pressed her forehead to Jane's and struggled to breathe. Their eyes were closed and Maura's thumb grazed Jane's zygomatic arch. Maura's heart was pounding inside her chest, begging to be set free. She whispered her desperation, "Let me make love to you, Jane. Let me touch you. Please."

Maura could feel Jane's forehead wrinkle as her whole head retreated from Maura's grasp and turned away, into the cushions. She didn't have to speak; Maura understood her agonized response. _I can't. I'm sorry_.

This time Maura didn't let up. She saw conflict in Jane's expression, almost terror. Jane wanted it, she wanted Maura, but intense fear was stopping her. And Jane was ashamed of that fear. Instead of retreating, Maura scooted closer and laid her head on Jane's shoulder, her forehead in the crook of Jane's neck. Her arm rested across Jane's chest, her thumb on Jane's far shoulder. She could feel Jane's labored breathing slow, then felt Jane's lips touch her thumb.

Maura spoke. "Then maybe... you touch me?" They both lifted their heads and their eyes met. Jane's brow was knit and her eyes were red with tears. She was still afraid. "Anywhere you like," Maura offered. "It doesn't have to be... anywhere."

Jane's eyes wandered with the invitation. Her face relaxed and she scanned Maura's body, looking for a location that was both safe and personal. Her right hand reached out for Maura's cheek. Her fingers made light contact, then slid slowly down to her jawbone, then to her neck. She felt the raised skin and broke eye contact, sighing, although her fingers persisted in their transit across the scar. "I'm so sorry, Maur. I'm sorry I let that monster get to you."

Maura leaned her cheek into Jane's hand. "Oh, Jane," she breathed. Her hand covered Jane's. "That wasn't your fault."

"I let him hurt you."

"No, you didn't." Maura pulled Jane's hand off her cheek and kissed the palm. "He frightened me. But you stopped it before he could do any real damage." Maura shook her head slightly. "You _rescued _me." She smiled softly. "Don't you see? You always rescue me." As if to prove it, Maura held Jane's hand to her heart and bent over to kiss her lips once more.

There was a glimmer of understanding, relief, hope, in Jane's eyes when Maura sat back up. They sat in silence for a moment, then Maura broke it. "Was that all... you wanted to touch?"

Jane shook her head slowly, then reiterated, "No."

Maura's eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly. _Where?_

Jane bit her lip and her eyes shifted down to where Maura still held Jane's hand over her chest. "Can I—"

"Yes." _Always, yes. Anything, yes._

Jane pulled her hand away and pushed herself up off the couch. Maura started to get up from the floor, but Jane stopped her. "No, stay there." Jane slid down so they were both on the floor, sitting back on their heels, Jane's knees splayed on either side of Maura's. It wasn't close enough. "Would you—" Jane's hand hovered near the buttons of Maura's blouse.

"You want me to take it off?"

"No, just undo those."

Maura did as instructed, first pulling the tails from the waistband of her skirt, then unbuttoning her blouse from the top down. When she finished, she let it hang, just a thin strip of skin exposed from her chest, between her breasts, and down to her navel, interrupted only by the tan satin of her bra. Jane's hands entered at Maura's waist, gently parting the silk and wrapping around to hold Maura's hips. She'd been there before, the sensation was familiar, even the feel of Maura's skin under her fingertips. She grasped like the last time and felt for Maura's other scar, acknowledging it but then moving on and around to Maura's back.

Maura's chest rose and fell with her regular breaths until suddenly Jane pulled her closer, lifting her up off her heels so Jane's lips could touch her neck. Jane's nose nudged Maura's chin upward, and her head fell back with a soft, "Oh." Jane nuzzled and kissed and nipped while her hands kneaded and pulled and hugged until finally her head came to rest on the soft pillow of Maura's bosom, Jane's nose tucked neatly between her breasts. She shuddered as she inhaled deeply, finally calming. Maura put her arms around Jane and kissed the top of her head. They breathed each other for a moment.

Jane's eyelashes tickled Maura's skin as she blinked her eyes open. "Maur?" She raised her head just enough to stare at Maura's collarbone.

"Hmm." Maura's fingers combed the hair at Jane's temple.

"Is it true... that you can cut off a starfish's arm... and it will grow back?"

"Yes. Most require the central disc for regeneration."

Jane closed her eyes and tucked her nose back between Maura's breasts. "Don't ever leave me, Maura. There won't be enough of me left to grow back."

"I won't ever leave you, Jane. I promise."


	23. Chapter 23

Jane's first awareness when she woke was the scent of Maura's perfume. Eyes still closed, she breathed deeply and turned her head toward the source, the warm body to her right. When she exhaled, it was with an audible sigh of contentment. Hair tickled her nose and mouth, but instead of pulling away, she lifted her chin closer to kiss Maura's head. Next, Jane realized her right hand had fallen asleep. Her arm was pinned, and she flexed her fingers then made a fist several times to get rid of the pins and needles and to recover sensation. The feel of the cushions beneath her gradually made their way into Jane's consciousness, telling her they were on the couch instead of in bed.

It was dark, so when Jane opened her eyes, they didn't need to adjust. They confirmed that Maura was wedged snugly between Jane and the back of the couch, the cushions having been removed and stacked neatly on the coffee table. A throw blanket covered them both and though Maura was in a pajama set of satin pants and shirt, Jane was still in her work clothes.

Gradually the events and emotions of the evening came back and their situation made sense. Jane remembered confusion and distress and some grogginess as she had talked to Maura earlier. And she remembered comfort and peace as Maura hugged her. She felt her stomach drop as she remembered the softness of Maura's breasts against her cheek. Jane had asked Maura not to leave, and Maura had promised to stay. That was why they were both on the couch. Jane had fallen asleep again, to the sound of Maura's voice as she prepared their dinner. And instead of waking Jane, or going to bed by herself, Maura stayed.

Jane probably should have felt ridiculous for the way she'd acted, so desperate and clingy. She didn't explain why she was so distraught, and Maura didn't ask. When Maura had suggested she go rest in the bedroom before dinner, she'd hesitated, irrationally fearing that Maura would disappear the moment she was out of sight. Somehow Maura had understood her hesitation and instead of dismissing Jane's fears, she revised her proposal; Jane could stay on the couch while Maura fixed dinner. Then while she cooked, she talked. Jane didn't remember any of what she said; it must have been random facts or science or highlights of her work day. The topics didn't matter. They both knew that Maura's voice was there to fill the void. To let Jane know she wasn't alone.

The needy way she'd acted _was_ ridiculous, Jane admitted to herself in the darkness of early morning. Jane should know that Maura wasn't going to leave her. Maura was the most loyal friend she'd ever known. But Jane had let her hormones get the best of her. Maura probably knew that Jane's emotions had taken over. Maura could have told Jane just how ridiculous she was being, or worse, shied away from Jane's clinginess, but she didn't. She accepted Jane's fears and indulged Jane. She accommodated her. She loved her.

And Jane loved Maura. She felt it most strongly in moments like these, when they were pressed up against each other, completely relaxed and content. Maura's head was on Jane's shoulder and her arm lay across Jane's pelvis, cradling Echo. One knee was bent and that leg rested between Jane's legs. One of Maura's bare feet pressed against the top of one of Jane's. Jane could feel Maura's chest rise and fall with her shallow, even breaths. Even this didn't seem quite close enough. She imagined herself merging with Maura, the two of them becoming one, emotionally and physically.

_Maura-sexual_. That was how Jane had described herself, and the more she thought about it, the more accurate it felt. She couldn't imagine wanting this with anyone else, ever. It wasn't just that Maura was exquisite inside and out, it was that Jane loved anything she did, anything she was, simply because she loved Maura.

Jane would have been happy to spend the rest of the night on the couch, cuddling with Maura, but she had to pee. And her hand was falling asleep again. And her back ached and her legs were stiff. There just wasn't enough room for the two of them—no, the three of them, Jane amended her thought—on the couch. They had to get up and go to bed. Jane wrapped her arm around Maura's head and kissed it. "Maura," she whispered. "We have to get up."

Maura just snuggled deeper into Jane's shoulder.

"C'mon, Maur, I gotta pee."

Maura groaned and tried to roll over, but was stopped by the back of the couch. "Issit a body? Call Pike. I'm busy wif my Jane."

Jane smiled. _My Jane_. She kissed Maura's head once more, then tried to pull her arm out from underneath Maura's head. Maura groaned and made a disgruntled face as her head fell back against the cushion. Jane pushed herself up to standing, then reached for Maura's hands to help her up as well. "C'mon, my Maura. We have to sleep in a bed. There isn't enough room for all of us here."

She pulled Maura up to sitting, but Maura's eyes were still closed. "Need a bigger couch." Her body flopped as Jane pulled her up to standing and supported her with an arm around her waist. "Wif more pillows."

"I think that's what the bed is for, Maura." Maura's head rested on her shoulder. Jane sighed and mumbled, more to herself than to Maura, "I wish I could carry you to bed."

"'Nother time. Too tired now."

They somehow managed to shuffle to the bedroom without bumping into any walls or furniture. Jane tucked Maura into bed, then took care of her bathroom needs and removed her work clothes, opting for just a tank top and underwear. Then she joined Maura in bed, facing her. Still mostly asleep, Maura snuggled up to Jane and Echo, tucking her forehead under Jane's chin. Jane knew she wouldn't be able to sleep any longer (having fallen asleep early the night before), but was content to just hold Maura.

She did keep her phone within reach, just in case. And that was a good thing, too, because something Maura had said while half-asleep started a train of thought that required research. She'd said something about needing a bigger couch, and Jane got to thinking it would be nice for all three of them to be able to cuddle somewhere besides the bed, and in front of the TV. She landed on a kind of oversized chair with lots of pillows. It was wide like a loveseat, but long, too, so she could stretch out her legs. It wasn't exactly Maura's style, elegant and chic, but Jane was pretty sure she could sell it to Maura as a nursing chair they could all sit in together. Maura would probably spout some research on the mother/baby relationship being strengthened during nursing and want to be part of that. Plus, Jane guessed that Maura enjoyed cuddling as much as she did. Jane almost bought it right then, but decided Maura would want to choose the color to make sure it went with the rest of her decor. She bookmarked the page.

The other thing that kept nagging at her mind (interspersed with fantasies about the future and how life might change once Echo was born) was her desire to do something nice for Maura. Something that showed how much she appreciated Maura being in her life, and how much she knew Maura was giving up by being with Jane instead of someone rich and cultured. She didn't want Maura to have to give up anything. From what Jane could tell from her limited interactions with new parents, they'd both be giving up a lot once Echo was born. Sleep, for one. Privacy. The ability to have an adult conversation about something other than diapers, nursing, sleeping habits, or the latest cute thing their baby did. And even though Jane knew they would have an enthusiastic and trusted gramma available for babysitting at a moment's notice, they probably wouldn't have much opportunity or drive to go out. So Jane did a little Googling for something cultured they could do on their next evening off. The ballet, she decided, was perfect. They'd both been child ballerinas, and although Jane hadn't seen anything other than The Nutcracker before, she was sure it would be something they would both enjoy. At least, she thought so when she bought the tickets online at 4:30 am.

* * *

In the light of day, they both knew the ballet wasn't Jane's thing. And in all honesty, it wasn't Maura's thing, either, not at this point anyway, when she'd rather be at home, where she could sit comfortably in Jane's embrace, and where Jane wasn't self-conscious about fitting in or worried about Maura having a good time. Yet there they were, near the back of the orchestra section at the Boston Opera House, crammed into seats that were clearly made with shorter people in mind. At least Jane had thought ahead and made sure to get an aisle seat, anticipating her need to use the restroom no less than twice during each act. She tried to use the aisle to stretch her legs out when she could, but the seats were so hard that her butt got sore if she sat in that position too long.

Maura had noticed her fidgeting near the end of the first act and at intermission suggested they skip the remainder of the show. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, Jane. We can come back another time." Maura stood in front of Jane under the bright lights of the marquee. She held both Jane's hands and looked up at her with such unbridled adoration that Jane almost agreed.

Instead, she kissed Maura on the cheek and said, "I'm fine. Let's stay. I want to see how it ends." Then she smiled and led Maura back into the theater.

Half an hour and one more restroom break later, Jane shifted in her seat. Her butt was getting numb again and her back ached even more than usual. Onstage, the title character's true love had been mourning her death since the intermission, and it was getting dull. Slowly, as if she weren't even thinking about it, Maura's hand reached over and pulled Jane's left hand into her lap. Her thumb gently caressed Jane's palm, tickling the scar there. When Jane looked over, Maura's eyes remained on the stage, but a sly smile crept up.

Jane spent the next couple of minutes wondering what Maura was up to, and just when she had let it go and focused back on the dancers, she felt Maura shift their hands so Jane's was sandwiched between both of Maura's. This time Maura's fingers swept across Jane's palm, as if wiping it clean. Jane kept her eyes on the performance, but all her attention was on Maura's motions. Next, Maura's fingers began to trace patterns on Jane's palm: a line, a corner, a circle, another corner, three sides of a square… what was this?

Maura saw Jane's eyes squinting in confusion, and just smiled, wiped her palm, and started over again. _Letters_, Jane thought. _She's writing something._ This time, Jane closed her eyes and tried to picture Maura's finger writing on her hand. A vertical line: _I_. A corner: _L_. A circle: _O_. _V. E._ Jane smiled as she anticipated the rest. _Y. O. U._ Turning her hand over to write in Maura's palm, she echoed the message. _I love you_.

Maura squeezed Jane's hand, signaling _message received_, and began a new one. _Y. O. U. A. R. E. P. E. R. F. E. C. T._ As Jane recognized the last word, her gaze dropped to her palm, where Maura's finger traced the remaining letters over physical proof to the contrary. Jane was scarred, both physically and emotionally, and Maura knew it. Maura was probably the only one who knew just how deeply those scars ran and here she was anyway, telling Jane she was perfect. Jane felt a lump in her throat and glanced up at Maura, who was watching her intently. She knew what she'd said, and she stood by it, nodding slightly with assertion. Jane accepted it with a nod of her own, then staved off the tears by responding with humor instead. She spelled out _S. O. A. R. E. Y. O. U._, paused for effect, then continued, _R. B. O. O. B. S._ Then she looked over at Maura, raising her eyebrow as her eyes dipped down into Maura's plunging neckline. Maura could hardly contain her laughter.

A solo ended onstage and they each took their hands back to applaud. When the next movement began, Maura started writing again. _I want to hold Echo. _It was somewhat awkward, given the position of the armrest between their seats, but Jane managed to pull Maura's hand over to her side and find a place to rest it on her belly. Echo was getting bigger every day. Maura breathed deeply and sighed contentedly. Her fingers moved gently over Jane's dress.

She was so engrossed in Echo that she didn't immediately notice Jane's traced response on her other hand. She picked it up at _S. Y. O. U._ and shook her head, asking Jane to repeat it. _I want to kiss you. _Maura's hand stilled and her eyes lowered, then looked seductively at Jane, a Mona Lisa smile gracing her lips. The refined Maura Isles her parents raised would never be seen kissing in public, especially at a cultural event like the ballet. This wasn't a movie theater, and they weren't in the back row. The rebelliousness of it thrilled her.

She pulled her hand from Echo to reply, _Do it._ Jane understood it was a dare. There were people sitting all around them, probably already annoyed at the disruption of Jane getting up every twenty minutes, not to mention their current little game. Maybe if she waited for the lights to dim…. No, Jane decided. She wanted more time than it took to change scenery. And she wanted more than what she could reach while seated in those stiff chairs. She traced another message on Maura's hand. The syntax was lacking, but the meaning was clear. _Not enough._ She watched Maura's smile fall and her eyes widen as she understood the message, then wrote something else. _Lobby. 5 min._ Then she picked up her bag and left.

It felt like the longest five minutes of Maura's life. How could the rest of the audience just sit there, watching the dancers? She wished she had a lab timer to alert her when five minutes had passed, and a pacemaker to regulate her heartbeat. Her hands gripped the armrests and she tried to focus on the ballet. The scene finally ended and when the lights dimmed, Maura snuck out of the theater.

She pushed open the heavy door to the lobby just enough to slip through and before her eyes could fully adjust to the light she felt Jane's hand pull her to the side. Jane's body trapped her against the wall and her free hand held Maura's cheek in place while she bent forward to kiss her.

Jane's kiss was just as Maura had imagined when she first fell for her those years ago: direct, but gentle. Jane knew what she wanted and though she wasn't going to force anything, she took the lead and made it happen. There was nothing tentative about this kiss. Maura loved it. At other times and other places, she loved being able to see the uncertain side of Jane, the Jane who was scared but trying to be strong. She loved being the person Jane came to for comfort and healing. She loved that Jane needed Maura as much as Maura needed her. But the side of Jane on display tonight, the Jane who exuded confidence, bravado… swagger... she aroused Maura on a more visceral level. This Jane was the one who would have Maura crawling on her hands and knees, begging for more of Jane's touch.

When Jane paused to breathe and assess Maura's willingness to participate further, Maura felt that deep-seated need for more. Without a moment's thought to their location or the usher standing on the other side of the lobby, mouth agape, she leaned forward to resume the kiss and simultaneously brought Jane's hand, the one still clasped in hers, to rest on Maura's breast.

It didn't rest for long. Reinvigorated, Jane kissed Maura more assertively while she fondled and caressed. Maura's arms found their way around Jane's neck and locked her in place. She stopped just short of trying to wrap her legs around Jane's waist, for the first time resentful that Echo had already claimed that spot. _Later_, Maura had to reassure herself, there would be a lifetime of opportunities. _Enjoy what you can now_.

They finally parted again, only enough to breathe and smile mischievously at each other. Jane's hand slid to a more respectable spot on Maura's hip. She swallowed before she spoke, but her voice still came out gravelly and low, tickling the connection between Maura's cochlea and her nucleus accumbens and eliciting a dopamine release that was immediately apparent throughout her body. "I'm beginning to really love the ballet."

Maura's eyes closed when she smiled, and she shrugged happily. "I've never enjoyed the ballet more."

Maura shifted to the left and Jane's arms found their way to a familiar embrace, one which became gradually more awkward as Echo grew, but which they clung to anyway because of the way it allowed Maura's head to rest on Jane's shoulder and her hand to rest on Echo. Jane murmured into Maura's hair, "I want to make you happy."

"You do."

"No, I mean." Jane shifted her weight and bent her right knee so her thigh pressed between Maura's legs in order to illustrate her point. "I want to do everything. To make you happy."

The usually loquacious doctor was rendered mute.

Seeing the effect she had on Maura, Jane noted, "I'm getting closer."

"That makes two of us."

Now it was Jane's turn to be speechless. She just grinned.


	24. Chapter 24

Detective Jane Rizzoli loved her job. She always had, and she had always known she would, since she was a teenager. As a kid her favorite shows were the reruns of Kojak and The Rockford Files. She'd sit way too close to the television and shush anyone who dared talk while a show was on. She studied each episode and got good at solving the crimes before the characters in the shows even did. Charlie's Angels and Cagney and Lacey weren't bad, but Jane's favorite female cop was Police Woman. That Sgt. Pepper Anderson would do whatever was needed to get the information to solve the case, and that usually meant going undercover in dangerous situations. So when Jane was initially assigned to the drug unit, and had to pretend to be a hooker, she embraced the assignment. She had _become_ Police Woman.

Jane was the youngest woman in BPD history to be promoted to Detective. She could see herself as Sergeant one day, like Korsak maybe, but didn't aim any higher than that. The brass-kissers who wanted all the recognition without doing any of the work pissed her off. Jane simply loved the day-to-day work of solving murders. She'd hate to be stuck behind a desk like Lieutenant Cavanaugh or any of his superiors. They had all forgotten what it was like being on the ground. Most of them, even the good ones, would eventually let the power go to their heads. No, Jane wouldn't ever trade in her detective job for a higher up position.

Because what Jane _really_ loved about her job was the rush. The excitement of chasing after a bad guy, the feeling of power when she stood over him in interrogation, squeezing him for a confession. She'd lose all sense of time wading through evidence files, looking for something that might help break a case. She even enjoyed watching Maura do autopsies. It was gross, for sure, yet there was something enticing about it (aside from the doctor herself), being able to learn what their victims were like and what got them killed. But there was no greater feeling than the rush of adrenaline as she cuffed some asshole who dared test her.

Yes, Detective Jane Rizzoli loved her job, she loved doing her job, and she wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. Almost.

* * *

The homicide team had been called to a cheap motel on the city limits. A woman, identified by a driver's license as Sharae Williams, was haphazardly tied to the bed with the telephone cord. Contusions on her head and face indicated that she was struck several times before she was shot twice in the chest and killed.

Maura examined the body while Jane and Frost looked around the room for any evidence that the killer may have left behind. Korsak was outside the room, talking to the manager and the maid who found the body. Frost noted a small duffel bag between the dresser and the wall, haphazardly packed, as if someone was in a rush. He rifled through it, then paused and called out ominously, "Jane." There were children's clothes inside.

When Jane saw them, she put a gloved wrist to her forehead and sighed, closing her eyes to steel herself against what she was about to say. Then she turned and called out to Korsak and Maura, "Ok, looks like we've got a possible kidnapping. Frost, notify Family Justice?" She held up a small T-shirt. "Kid's probably… what? Four or five years old? A girl." She checked the tag. "Keisha Williams." It was handwritten and faded, but still legible. She crumpled up the shirt and shoved it back at Frost, shaking her head angrily. "Motherf—" She stopped her tirade before it began when she saw Maura's sorrowful face. Frost, too, looked ill. This case wasn't going to be easy for any of them. Jane gave Maura a sad smile and asked, "Anything else to go on, Maura?"

Maura mirrored her expression and tucked her emotions aside. The best they could do was to solve the case and find the girl, as soon as possible. "Time of death between midnight and three this morning. I'll know more once I get her to the lab."

Jane nodded, then looked around again, just in time to see Frost pull open the closet and practically jump back from it. Jane's left hand grazed her weapon, but she could see that he wasn't afraid of what he found, just surprised. "What is it?" She peered inside and saw the girl, curled up in a ball, her face hidden between her arms and her knees. Two black pigtails poofed out from the top of her head.

"Oh, honey." Jane used the wall for balance as she knelt down in the closet doorway, trying to look less intimidating even though the girl couldn't see her. "Keisha, it's ok, we're the good guys. You're safe now." Her head moved just enough for one big brown eye to emerge and examine Jane. Jane smiled disarmingly. "It's ok, baby, no one is going to hurt you."

Keisha lifted her head and evaluated Jane. Her cheeks were stained with tears and when she moved, the smell of urine was apparent. Jane opened her arms anyway. "My name is Jane. Do you want to come out of there and let me take care of you for a little bit?"

Keisha shook her head at first. "I want my momma." The tears began to flow and her little face crumpled up and she just hugged her knees tighter.

Jane's heart ached enough that she involuntarily lurched forward, pulling the child into a hug and onto what was left of her lap. As soon as she did, Keisha turned her head into Jane and cried on her shirt. Jane rocked her and rubbed her back and cooed until she calmed down. When Jane looked up, Frost and Korsak were staring at her like she'd grown two heads.

"I guess that maternal instinct has kicked in," Korsak stage-whispered to Frost.

Jane glared at them both for a moment, then ordered Frost, "Call DCF, not Family Justice. She's going to need a representative and a guardian." Turning back to Keisha, who was looking up at her with wide eyes, Jane added, "Is there anyone who takes care of you when your momma's not around? An auntie or uncle? Gramma, maybe? Or even a friend of your momma's?"

"Grammie. Grammie lets me watch Backyardigans." She pronounced it without the 'r': Backyawdigans.

Jane's eyes twinkled at her. "Good." Let's get you cleaned up, put some food in you, and then see if we can get a hold of Grammie."

* * *

Jane and Maura had very different afternoons. While Maura was trying to entertain Keisha in her office (a box of crayons could only go so far), the case brought Jane, Frost, and Korsak to an abandoned warehouse in East Boston. Two individuals fled the building in different directions, and the three detectives took off after them. Frost followed the taller of the two to the south and cornered him at a dock. Jane wasn't at her top speed, but she was still faster than Korsak, following the smaller man north into an alleyway. She slowed on her way around the corner and stopped when he scaled a fence. She knew she'd never be able to make it over and catch up, not 30 weeks pregnant. He was gone. She kicked a trash can in frustration.

Still, Frost's tackle was something they could work with. They brought him in and Frost grilled him for all he was worth, getting enough information to begin a search for the leader of their drug operation. By the time Jane got home, Maura had turned Keisha over to her grandmother in a teary reunion. She was waiting for Jane on her new favorite piece of furniture, the oversized family chair Maura had suggested in her sleep, which Jane liked to call their cuddle chair. Exhausted, Jane dropped her keys, removed her gun and badge, kicked off her shoes, and collapsed into the chair, her head landing right in the middle, next to Maura's hip. She closed her eyes when she felt Maura's fingertips at her hairline.

"Would you still love me if I wasn't a cop?"

Maura took no time to think, and answered with as much certainty as if Jane had asked whether Einstein was a genius. "Yes."

Jane wrenched her neck back to see Maura's calm smile and lack of hives. Then she relaxed again, tucked her nose against Maura's side and snaked her arm under Maura's bent knees and between her ankles. Her hand landed on the top of Maura's foot. "I talked to Cavanaugh today." Her fingers drummed the extensor tendons in succession. "I requested desk duty." When Maura made no comment, she added, "It's time."

There was a resolute sadness to Jane's voice that Maura couldn't quite identify. To her, it was the inevitable next step in Jane's pregnancy. It even gave her some measure of relief to know that Jane and Echo would be, at least temporarily, further from harm's reach, though Maura knew from experience that the precinct wasn't always the safest place to be. What made Maura hesitate was that Jane seemed to be giving the decision so much gravity. Her statement almost sounded like a confession, so instead of passing judgement, Maura responded with a confession of her own. "I showed Keisha her mother's body."

Jane's eyes and mouth popped open and her fingers pressed into Maura's foot. "You _what_?"

"Was I wrong to do that? She kept asking about her mother, when was she going to come back, and I had to tell her something."

Jane sat up and leaned cross-legged against the side of the chair, so she could see Maura's face. "So instead of just telling her…" suddenly Jane's indignation dissipated. "I don't know what you should have told her. What _did_ you say?"

"I said her mother had died, and her grandmother would be taking care of her from now on." Jane shrugged and nodded approvingly. "But then she asked again, where did her mother go and when would she return. She didn't understand what had happened." Maura looked at her hands, one of them twisting her ring around and around.

"So you showed her."

"Yes. No, I didn't show her the bullet wounds, just her face. To show her that her mother was there, but she's dead and not coming back."

Jane reached out to hold Maura's hand. "Did she cry?"

She nodded. "Yes." Maura had finished the autopsy and put Sharae's body into cold storage less than an hour earlier. She second-guessed herself several times as she retrieved it and prepared her for viewing, covering her with a sheet and making sure the surrounding area was as nonthreatening as possible. No tools, no body matter. She confirmed that Sharae's eyes were closed and even smoothed her hair out. She hoped Keisha wouldn't be troubled by the perimortem bruising.

Then, after removing her gloves and lab coat, she returned to her office, where Keisha was coloring. Angela had supplied a box of crayons and Keisha was quickly making her way through a stack of paper, drawing mostly scribbles. When asked, Keisha described the various scribbles as herself, her mother, the dog who lived next door, Maura, Jane, and Angela. There was also one of bunny pancakes, which Angela had prepared for her when they first arrived at the precinct.

It didn't take long for Keisha to ask again about her mother. Maura tried once more to explain that Sharae had died; she wasn't coming back, but there were other people who loved her and who would take care of her. It was an assumption at that time that Keisha's grandmother would be her loving guardian, and Maura assured herself that were the grandmother not loving or not equipped to care for Keisha full-time, that she and Jane would be able to find someone who was. (The option of them adopting Keisha themselves was not absent from her train of thought.)

Unfortunately, Maura's assurances about the future didn't quell Keisha's questions. _Where did she go? Why didn't she bring me? _Through questions earlier in the day, Jane had learned that Sharae had been running and when whoever she was running from caught up to her, she had instructed Keisha to sit in the closet and be very quiet until she said it was ok to come out. Keisha had heard voices and loud noises, but Sharae never came to let her out. Jane did.

Maura held Keisha in the morgue and let her see her mother's face. _Is she sleeping?_ The child whispered. _No, honey, she's not going to wake up._ Keisha tried calling out, shouting, even kicking her mother's body to wake her, until she understood and her tears began again. Maura brought her back into the office and sat on the couch, holding her as tightly as possible. They both cried until Keisha fell asleep.

"I didn't know how else to explain what had happened." Maura said, after recounting Keisha's reaction. "Should I have tried to lie to her? I wanted her to have some closure, a chance to see that her mother hadn't left her, at least not physically and not by choice." Maura felt herself begin rambling. "Keisha may be too young to really understand the concept of death, even with the physical evidence of it. Studies show that children begin to understand the irreversibility of death at age four, but not the associated lack of function for another one to three years, and they don't understand the universality of death until even later. By the way she reacted, she certainly understood her mother wasn't coming back. But what if seeing her mother like that gives her nightmares? What if I've unnecessarily given her a mental image she'll never be able to escape?"

While Maura was talking, Jane had repositioned herself on her side, facing Maura with her legs bent, her knees tucked under Maura's. She pulled Maura in as close as she could, with Echo snug between them, and Maura lifted her feet to link them behind Jane's knees. They fit together like puzzle pieces. "You did the right thing." She nodded when Maura looked to her for confirmation. Jane's thumb rubbed reassurance into a small spot on Maura's arm.

Jane's comforting allowed Maura's mind to slow. Scientific experiments depend on the investigator's ability to keep all but one variable constant. If a scientist can repeat the same test multiple times, varying only one factor, a pattern emerges and a conclusion can be drawn. Life, Maura hated to admit to herself, was not an experiment. No instance could be repeated under the same conditions twice, and no optimum course of action could be identified. Maura would never know whether she'd done the right thing by showing Keisha her mother's body. Even if she observed Keisha for the rest of her life, noting whether she'd had nightmares or difficulty coping with the loss, Maura could never know if what she'd done had made Keisha's situation better or worse. There were just too many variables.

While she wanted to believe Jane's assertion that she'd done the right thing, Maura couldn't quite take that leap of faith. Resigning herself to uncertainty, she changed the subject. "Why did you decide to request desk duty today?"

Jane's thumb stopped and she glanced quickly at Maura, then back down at their hands. She wasn't sure if she was feeling embarrassed or ashamed, but she did know that she worried that Maura would be mad about what had happened. "I slipped." She rushed on to explain, "I didn't fall, I just slipped. I was chasing a suspect and when I turned a corner there was a puddle or some garbage or something, and I slipped. But I didn't fall."

Maura's eyes clouded over and she reached out to feel Jane's belly. "Has she kicked since then?"

"I—I don't remember." Maura got up quickly. Jane's voice trailed after her. "Maybe—there was a lot going on today…"

Maura called out from the foyer, "Any discomfort or spotting? Anything unusual?" She was suddenly in doctor mode.

"No, I don't think so." Jane was speaking quietly now, too quiet for Maura to have heard her. _I didn't fall_, Jane kept thinking to herself. _I slowed down after that, I should have slowed down before. I should have gone on desk duty earlier. I should have_—

Maura returned with her stethoscope and lifted Jane's shirt without asking. She felt around for the baby's back and listened. At first she just heard Jane's strong heartbeat pounding a little too fast for being at rest. She glanced at Jane's frightened eyes and moved the chestpiece down a few centimeters and listened again. When she heard the faint and rapid beating, she breathed a sigh of relief. She let Jane listen for a while, then put the stethoscope away and settled back into position. This time she put a hand on Jane's far cheek, pulling their foreheads together, then closed her eyes.

"Your balance was off." It was a whispered accusation, not angry, but pointing out the lie Jane's subconscious had been telling them both.

Jane took her punishment with a guiltily whispered, "Yeah."

Maura's eyes opened. "That's why you slipped?"

"I slowed down after that. I lost him because of it." That had to be worth something. She slowed down, she wasn't being reckless. _I should have slowed down earlier_.

"So you requested desk duty." Maura was just trying to understand Jane's train of thought. Did she request desk duty for Echo, or because Echo was interfering with her work? It was a terrible distinction to make, but Maura had to know.

"I can't do both." When Maura questioned again with her eyes, Jane explained, "I can't be a cop and protect Echo at the same time." She shook her head weakly. "She's too important."

Maura's expression softened when she understood. Jane was putting her family first. This earned a series of quick kisses, each more thankful than the last, and when that wasn't enough she punctuated each kiss with a whispered, "Thank you." One by one, they converted Jane's remorse into serenity. It was ok. It was going to be ok. Maybe she should have slowed down earlier, but she did it early enough. They both breathed in relief.

Finally satisfied, Maura put her hand on Echo, slowly stroking back and forth and reflecting on the day's events. While Jane had successfully avoided any potential injury, Maura may have caused a little girl a lifetime's worth of trauma, simply trying to do what was best for the child. "Is this what it's like, being a mother? Worrying all the time? Not knowing if you've done the right thing, or if what you've done has caused irreversible damage?" Maura paused, but Jane just shrugged. "It hurts."

Jane felt tears stinging her eyes. "I know." Her brow knit and her lips pressed flatly together. She kissed Maura's cheek. She wanted to find some way to make it better. To make Maura happy again, and to take away the worry and the uncertainty. Then she remembered. "What about her drawings? The ones of us?"

Maura smiled then. "She made us into a family." Keisha had given Maura the drawings as a gift before she left. There was one Maura intended to have framed and hung in her office.

Maura's smile encouraged Jane. She could fix this. She could make it better. "And when she sat on your lap, or let you hold her?"

Maura nodded. "That was good. Comforting. To both of us." She looked down at her hand on Jane's belly, the way she'd come to comfort all three of them.

Jane felt goosebumps as her heart swelled with pride. In this instance, she knew for a fact she had done the right thing. "Imagine getting to do that every day."


	25. Chapter 25

It didn't take long for Jane to recognize the perks of light duty. Sure, she had to stay behind when Frost and Korsak went out into the field, and they were always foisting the grunt work onto her, checking alibis and sifting through records. It was boring. But she never had to go in before 8 am, and she always left work at 4 pm. She was well-rested and virtually stress-free after only a week.

Eventually she'd probably get sick of all this free time, but for the first week she just enjoyed it. If Maura had to stay a little later, Jane would hang around the morgue and they'd go home together. The one day Maura had to stay a lot later, Jane went home and enjoyed a clandestine meal of take-out pizza. Jane probably would have been happy to just lounge around and watch TV, but Maura had texted her a reminder that she had homework to do. It was time to start thinking seriously about Echo's eviction day.

Jane preferred to think about labor in terms of euphemisms. She definitely didn't want to think about the details, like how a _person_ was supposed to fit through _there_. Even if Echo was a tiny person, it just didn't seem physically possible. Jane was reminded of a video she'd seen in her middle school health class, probably intended to scare the students into celibacy. It worked. Some poor woman had a camera shoved up her privates while she yelled and pushed the grossest thing Jane had ever seen out from between her legs. It was all purple and slimy and Jane did not want to think about being in that woman's stirrups. She'd seen some pretty nasty things in her line of work, but this was her body. Just thinking about it made her squirm.

Maura, on the other hand, was all too eager to think about Echo's parole. She was excited, even, to be learning about the stages of labor and all the painful changes that would happen to Jane's body during each stage. It was probably the prospect of finally being able to meet and hold Echo, Jane hoped, and not the actual labor. Maura was weird, but she wasn't that weird. Was she? Maybe she was. Regardless, Jane had insisted on a hospital birth, complete with pain-numbing drugs and an operating room nearby, in case of complications.

Months ago, Maura had signed them up for a childbirth class at Mass Gen. The class was normally an all-day thing; thankfully Maura had chosen one where if they did the reading ahead of time, the in-class session was only three hours instead of seven. Three hours was long enough to spend sitting on the floor huffing and puffing, and Jane welcomed the homework if it meant doing the reading in the comfort of home. As she perused the information packet, she noticed that this class was for women who planned to give birth in a hospital. Not in a birthing center, and not in a kiddie pool in the living room, as Maura had initially wanted. While Jane thought their earlier discussion had been left open-ended, she now supposed she had won it.

It seemed too easy. Was Maura planning a surprise attack? Trying to make Jane think she'd given in, only to blindside her with a midwife and smelling salts when the time actually came and Jane's defenses were down? Maura could be tricky, but she wasn't devious; she wouldn't take advantage of Jane's compromised state like that, just to win an argument. Would she?

Maybe this was just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe Maura had enrolled them in several classes, and this was just the first, to appease Jane, and Maura would use it to convince her that a natural birth was best. The rest would be all about how long it would take to fill a birthing tub using a garden hose and how to get amniotic fluid stains out of the carpet. That was probably it. Jane checked their shared calendar. Sure enough, Maura had blocked off two hours the next Saturday morning without labeling the event. It was probably entitled something cheesy, like "Doula, doula, doula."

Oh well, Jane thought. At least this first class would probably cover some useful information, then Jane could talk her way out of any others. Three hours, though. She just hoped it wasn't too much sitting.

Maura _had_ said she would make it worth Jane's time. She didn't explain what she meant by that, but something about her crooked smile reminded Jane of their night at the ballet, and how Maura had... enhanced the show. Jane lost focus while remembering that night, the intoxication brought on by Maura's perfume and the silk of her blouse under Jane's palm. There would be no opportunity for virtual privacy in the baby class like the lobby at the opera house. How could anything measure up to that night? Jane shook her head, perishing the thought, not wanting to get her hopes up. Maura probably just meant they could splurge and eat something unhealthy for dinner after.

Jane checked the time. It was only just after eight. She didn't expect Maura home for another hour and Angela was out for the evening. Joe Friday was curled up in her bed and Bass had retreated to his warm spot in the laundry room after eating his dinner. Jane had the house to herself. She looked around the room, considering. Then, having decided, she left a few dim lights on for Maura and made sure the kitchen was clean, then retreated to the bedroom.

Jane changed into her pajamas even though she didn't intend to go to sleep. She was just more comfortable that way. She closed the bedroom door and put on only the reading light on Maura's side of the bed. She sat, reclining against the headboard enough to relax, but not so much that Echo pressed on her bladder. She slid her hand under her waistband, closed her eyes, and let her imagination take over.

_Maura was dancing. No, not exactly dancing, but bopping around to a rhythm. With each beat her nightgown rustled over her ass, teasing. Maura's hair was down, she was brushing it out, and when she caught Jane watching, her dimples appeared in the mirror. _

This wasn't the first time Jane had thought about Maura this way, but it was the first time Jane had consciously summoned the images. And it was the first time Jane directed the action.

_Maura put down the brush and turned, walking toward Jane. She said something clever and Jane matched wit. Jane held Maura's hand as she climbed onto the bed, straddling Jane._

Jane sunk slightly lower into the mattress and her head lolled, finding a crevice between pillows.

_Jane wasn't pregnant. She lifted Maura's nightgown over her head and admired the view while Maura tugged Jane's tank top up and off. Maura's fingers walked across Jane's abs and up to her breasts. She leaned forward, her hair creating a tent around Jane's face, and kissed and rocked and fondled._

* * *

When Jane's breathing returned to normal, she sucked on the tips of her left index and middle fingers, then wiped them dry on her shirt. It was probably stupid, but she always felt a twinge of pride for being able to do that to herself. Normally she didn't pay much attention to her own body: she wouldn't notice the pain of an injury until she saw a bruise or blood. If she was focused on a case, even hunger was something she could easily forget about until someone shoved food in front of her. So this thing she did, knowing her own body well enough to give herself that moment of release, she liked that. And she had just found a new favorite fantasy.

Gradually the reverie faded and the night sounds penetrated her senses. Traffic outside, the hum of the dishwasher running, Maura's footsteps on the stairs…. _Shit_. Suddenly panicked, Jane pushed herself up to sitting and grabbed her assigned reading from the night stand, opening it to a random page just as she heard a knock and the door opened.

"Jane? There you are." Maura removed her shoes and padded over. "It's still early for bed; are you feeling alright?"

Jane put the information packet down on her lap and folded her hands over Echo, trying not to fidget or let on the real reason she'd chosen this spot. "Yeah, I just thought I'd read here." She felt her eyes shift, losing contact, and mentally kicked herself. For as much as she knew about how to tell when a suspect was lying, she could be so terrible at it herself. "In case I got tired."

Maura sat on the edge of the bed, facing Jane. Her nose twitched and her eyes glanced over Jane. Her head tilted and she almost smiled when she asked, "How is that homework going? Have you learned anything new?"

"Oh, yeah," Jane drawled. "Did you know," she picked up the packet and recited a line at random, "A written birth plan helps refresh your practitioner's memory when you're in labor? And it informs new members of your medical team about your preferences when you're in active labor?" When she finished, she flashed a smile at Maura, the smile she knew Maura couldn't resist.

Indeed, Maura's eyes twinkled and her eyes darted to Jane's lips and back before she said, "Yes, I did know that, actually."

"Genius."

"I read it last week."

"Kiss-up."

Maura didn't deny it, she just smiled and shrugged.

"Hey, Maur."

"Jane."

"You know this class is preparing for a hospital birth."

"Yes."

"Not a hot tub birth."

"Giving birth in a hot tub would be ill-advised. The temperature, 116 degrees Fahrenheit, would be much too high to be comfortable for either mother or baby, and—"

"You know what I mean, Maur."

"You said you wanted a hospital birth." Maura looked surprised. "Did you change your mind?"

"No, I just—"

"There's still time to get into a natural childbirth class. I can pull some strings—"

"No, I mean. Thanks? I guess. For letting me have this one."

Maura smoothed her palm over Echo. "Like you said, it's your body. The risks involved in a home birth are virtually equivalent to those in a hospital birth, so the decision should be based on preference. I might not choose the same for myself, but it's your choice, not mine. I'll be there to support you no matter what."

"You really are amazing."

Maura smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Before parting, she ran her tongue over Jane's lips, then murmured, "And you taste wonderful." One more quick kiss and she stood up, moving toward the door.

"I had pizza for dinner," Jane confessed.

Maura paused in the doorway and looked back over her shoulder to Jane. "It's not the pizza."


End file.
